coping with change

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What kind of changes have you had to cope with?

How well or badly did you cope?

What helped you cope better?

What kind of changes happened a long time ago, that you still can't cope with?

For something that will be recurring I try to incorporate it with my other routines.

And when stuck with something new that is unavoidable, I find it best to not waste energy trying to avoid it. Just go with it.

Moving out was a change. The demise of the original Routemaster was another one. The big change in the January of 2016 when i decided to be myself. I tried going without my favourite hat for 4 months.

I coped pretty well with moving out. The demise of the original Routemaster was a fiasco.

The big change was difficult because of my mum's attitude towards Germany and Germans.

Let's just say that I'm wearing that cloth "helmet" again.

The demise of the AEC Routemaster still misses with my mind.

I just lost my job so that's something I m coping with right now. The biggest challenge will be trying to save money while on the disability pension.

The last big change was when our house contents had to be moved so the new floor could be laid. We rent so we couldn't say no to it. I hope never to go through it again.

I'm coping with constant change. Nothing is stable. Nothing is reliable. I cope by basically by not developing interest or getting excited about anything that attracts my attention. In fact, I rarely spark my own interest. I let others tell me what I should be interested in because I've loss my sense of being able to be me, so stopped having that drive. It's pretty much gone. Anything I start now is because it was suggested to me by someone. Then, if I start something and catch myself getting excited, I terminate it. It's not really a decision though. It's a feeling. It's like I notice that this is too good, so it for sure it will eerily get ruined or taken away somehow. I even created a little log to make sure I wasn't crazy and making it up. I'm near 100% failure. So, I brace for impact by always being ready to leave. That's the only sense of control I can have. It's the last little bit of me. Beyond that, I'm just letting time go by like a chore.

My coping strategy: Don't believe. Don't trust. Don't expect. Don't develop. Don't create. Don't plan. Wait and be ready to go. That's it.

Here's my talk explaining change.

june 2021 to august 2022, former ASM don worked @ home depot. when he left home depot, i thought about how i wanted to work @ a different store, but i didn't wanna cope with change. now it's 2025. the current front end supervisor, has been micromanaging me to death. she's doing that to some other servants too, but i don't know if she bothers me more or less than other slaves. in the middle of february, she had the nerve to tell me that the head cashier could not find me in the parking lot, and that if it happened again, she would write me up. (but plenty of times, someone can't find someone else in the parking lot, and they do not all get written up.) (rolls eyes). then head cashier angela d had the nerve to tell me that "they" said that "you guys" take too long to do things. she told me that i could sweep the whole parking lot in 30 minutes and she would come back in 30 minutes to check on me. but that's not illegal, just ridiculous and unreasonable. (maybe i will get made redundant for sweeping too slowly.) as of today, the work portal still says i have zero write ups, and i haven't gotten made redundant thus far. (maybe tomorrow). but i do think that sooner or later, home depot will cough up a lame excuse to make my worthless corpse redundant. ("at will" employer).

flooring associate john m got made redundant. an assistant manager and a member of Corporate waited for him while he got his briefcase and left the building. then after that, home depot made John M, "Employee of the Month".

head cashier Star disappeared a couple weeks ago. do not know if she quit or got made redundant.

in the past year, it seems like more supervisors the building than stayed.

constructive dismissal
involuntary reclassification

unbareable

on top of that, home depot might not even continue giving me the work accommodation. ASM javier told me that if a customer wanted me to lift eighty pound concrete and i failed, home depot was supposed to write me up (if i had no doctor's note). and home depot might or might not be requiring me to renew the doctor's note. the doctor might refuse to sign the form. or home depot might refuse the work accommodation. "at will" employer.

and then either home depot offers me a job that doesn't involve lifting fifty pounds, or constructive dismissal. (rolls eyes). there are only a couple jobs in the store that do not involve lifting fifty pounds, and only a couple servants work in them, and those servants have been working there for 20 and 30 years.

then i would end up unemployed.

maybe no company will ever make the mistake of hiring my worthless corpse again. i am so terrified that, every waking second, i feel like screaming, crying, vomiting, or urinating in my pants.

then i have to cope with zero income.

government benefits not guaranteed, sufficient, or permanent.

besides, i feel guilty and embarrassed and ashamed for not working, when plenty of reptiles (such as my coworkers) can barely string together an entire grammatically correct sentence, and they still earn enough $$$ for cars and children.

pretty soon my whole "life" is drastically suddenly and permanently changing for the worst.

i am so scared that i have been edgy and uptight. every waking second, feel like vomiting, screaming, crying and urinating in pants.

going to get made redundant from work.

written up.

new, stupid, strict, micromanaging rules, head cashier, and instructors

__________________________

my health has been drastically plummetting and only getting worse with age.

my sister said she's going to sell the house that i have been living in and i have to move out.

afraid of ending up homeless.

autistic burnout

Here are some of the most stressful changes in my life:

Starting junior high, or middle school or whatever it's called these days.

Needing surgery on my ears due to a chronic infection several times.

Getting intrusive, disturbing thoughts when I was around 12 or 13 years old.

Starting high school

Being put in a group home

Being put on many different medications that had side effects that made feel much, much worse and barely able to function at all.

Getting kicked out of community housing.

Being hospitalized and stuck in the mental ward for at least two weeks before being diagnosed.

Being put in a home for severely disabled people for a week.

Getting kicked out of community housing again.

Getting kicked out of my first apartment due to horrible drunken neighbors behaving like 12 year olds.

9/11

Having to move in with my parents again until I got my second apartment.

Climate change

The avian flu pandemic

The swine flu pandemic

Trump elected

The horrible covid 19 pandemic which the world will never recover from

My dad dying

The skyrocketing price of food and everything else.

My cats dying

Trump elected AGAIN

The Trump threatening to make Canada it's 51st state, resulting in boycotting American-made products and generally the USA a bigger, noisier proverbial elephant to sleep next to than ever.

Fear and worries over developing menopause that will make me have horrible hot flashes and night sweats and by the time they subside I'll be a hideous old hag with dementia and osteoporosis (If I live that long)