Why Do People Refuse To Practice Social Skills?

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funeralxempire
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Today, 12:34 pm

BillyTree wrote:

funeralxempire wrote:

I understand that many of us struggle with social skills, yet some of us seem prone to flinching away from any sort of social interactions that might lead to improving our social skills?

Has anyone here gotten good at something without practising it?
Well, why would one expect social skills to work differently?

If you have poor social skills, more social interaction is the only path towards improvement.

I have had a lot of practice over the years and I have come to the conclusion that autism is not just about a lack of social skills but prefering a different kind of communication style in social interactions. To get any enjoyment or benefit from social interactions with other people or friends you have to behave in a way that somewhat reflects you thoughts and feelings. If it's too much acting, performance and pretending in order to project a certain persona there's a point where the strive for "improvement" is pointless and even toxic.

That fair as an additional consideration. Improving one's social skills doesn't mean one will suddenly enjoy socializing a lot more, but it does mean one can navigate social situations easier. If one can get through them more easily/less awkwardly, it should reduce how draining they are, although they may continue to be relatively unfulfilling and that's fine.

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funeralxempire
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Today, 12:35 pm

firemonkey wrote:

IME - The more intelligent people are the less likely they are to regard your level of ability re social skills, as a good measure of whether you are worth knowing or not.

How exactly are you measuring intelligence when making this conclusion? :scratch:

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Today, 1:31 pm

funeralxempire wrote:

firemonkey wrote:

IME - The more intelligent people are the less likely they are to regard your level of ability re social skills, as a good measure of whether you are worth knowing or not.

How exactly are you measuring intelligence when making this conclusion? :scratch:

It's based on being accepted more by the high IQ community. May 2009 - March 2020 abt 58 FB friends. Mar 2020 Get involved with FB high IQ community = over 6x that amount of friends.

funeralxempire
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Today, 1:57 pm

firemonkey wrote:

funeralxempire wrote:

firemonkey wrote:

IME - The more intelligent people are the less likely they are to regard your level of ability re social skills, as a good measure of whether you are worth knowing or not.

How exactly are you measuring intelligence when making this conclusion? :scratch:

It's based on being accepted more by the high IQ community. May 2009 - March 2020 abt 58 FB friends. Mar 2020 Get involved with FB high IQ community = over 6x that amount of friends.

It would make sense that high IQ individuals are better able to relate to other high IQ individuals.

I'm not sure that means social skills are less valued by high IQ individuals though.

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Today, 3:00 pm

The highly educated also like to talk to others with a similar educational background.
They like being able to express thoughts without worry that the other personal lacks the knowledge to understand what they are saying.

Engineers especially run into the issue about knowing a lot about stuff that the average person won't understand.

BillyTree
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Today, 3:08 pm

The high IQ people are rather few. The majority of people have an average IQ. High IQ people, especially if they don't have a job where the coworkers usually have an high IQ, enjoy the opportunity to socialize with an other high IQ person.

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Today, 3:13 pm

The Alien likes socialising so she helps me to do it because I shy away by myself

It's quite fun a lot of the time because you get to find out more about people and you get to find out more about yourself and what you're strengths and weaknesses are and the more you do it the more you get comfortable with it

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firemonkey
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Today, 3:20 pm

funeralxempire wrote:

It would make sense that high IQ individuals are better able to relate to other high IQ individuals.

I'm not sure that means social skills are less valued by high IQ individuals though.

It's possible to value something without regarding it as a stand alone reason for a person not being worthy enough to know.

firemonkey
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Today, 3:27 pm

BTDT wrote:

By modern standards I have a low level of academic qualifications.

funeralxempire
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Today, 3:32 pm

firemonkey wrote:

BTDT wrote:

By modern standards I have a low level of academic qualifications.

Me too, but apparently I've got a knack for IQ tests. :nerdy:

SailorsGuy12
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Today, 3:48 pm

What is motivating me now to get better social skills is dating. :lol:

I don't know why anybody actively rejects learning social skills. It's kind of like calling more "successful" black people "uncle tom" or "acting white". I wonder if there is an element of that to it for some people on the spectrum.

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firemonkey
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Today, 5:04 pm

funeralxempire wrote:

firemonkey wrote:

BTDT wrote:

By modern standards I have a low level of academic qualifications.

Me too, but apparently I've got a knack for IQ tests. :nerdy:

I wouldn't say I have a knack,but I do reasonably well at high range IQ tests. Unfortunately it's accompanied by absolutely crap executive functioning.

funeralxempire
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Today, 5:09 pm

firemonkey wrote:

I wouldn't say I have a knack,but I do reasonably well at high range IQ tests. Unfortunately it's accompanied by absolutely crap executive functioning.

Same. It's like having a powerful engine, but the differential is made of zamac and the tires are off a Prius. :oops:

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Today, 5:11 pm

SailorsGuy12 wrote:

I don't know why anybody actively rejects learning social skills.

I think it's because its a deeply uncomfortable experience where repeatedly failing is almost guaranteed and success depends on external factors over which you have no control

It's frightening and the ego doesn't like that sort of vulnerability.

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