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If I'm unhappy single why don't I prioritise it ?

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chris1989
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Today, 7:58 am

I can't understand myself why I complain about not having someone else in my life while at the same time I won't prioritise it as I have a bumble app on my phone at my finger tips but I don't always visit or actively search on it.

A part of me likes being single and doing my own things but another part of me doesn't seem to like it. I don't know what to do about it. I therefore end up putting pressure on myself to think about these things as though "time is running out" because I'm overly aware of my age and that chances of meeting someone will slowly evaporate because it seems like a lot of 30+ year olds I've seen are either in long term relationships, or married with kids and that then makes me find it sometimes unenjoyable to be single and think I "shouldn't" be now at this stage of life and it gets too much sometimes. Why do I keep falling into this trap that in order to be happy in life you need to be in a relationship?



Last edited by chris1989 on 23 Apr 2025, 8:53 am, edited 2 times in total.

blitzkrieg
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Today, 8:40 am

To be fair, dating apps for dudes are unlikely to yield any sort of match anyway, unless you have 'something to offer' that is substantial.

If you want to find a partner, the best way to do it would be to attend group activities, maybe join a walking club or something of that sort, or make friends with women online who are single and hope that something develops between you and them (unlikely, but it does happen).

Immediately obtaining a date via a dating website, seems like a remote likelihood, for an autistic dude with a part time job who lives with his parents. I'm not being harsh - these things generally make one less dateable.



blitzkrieg
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Today, 9:31 am

Also, being friends with women is also rewarding in itself, without any sort of romantic of sexual aspect to such a friendship.

Maybe you could start with that sort of thing to gain some experience?



King Kat 1
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Today, 10:15 am

You seem to post the same thing or similar things every day. Give it a rest.


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Pink Zeppelin
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Today, 10:43 am

chris1989 wrote:
Why do I keep falling into this trap that in order to be happy in life you need to be in a relationship?



Because society and the media constantly bombard us with that message. How often do you see messages about how men can be happy and fulfilled when they are alone? Not saying that isn't possible, we just never hear about it. And if you do, the ones carrying that message are demonized.



MatchboxVagabond
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Today, 10:53 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
To be fair, dating apps for dudes are unlikely to yield any sort of match anyway, unless you have 'something to offer' that is substantial.

If you want to find a partner, the best way to do it would be to attend group activities, maybe join a walking club or something of that sort, or make friends with women online who are single and hope that something develops between you and them (unlikely, but it does happen).

Immediately obtaining a date via a dating website, seems like a remote likelihood, for an autistic dude with a part time job who lives with his parents. I'm not being harsh - these things generally make one less dateable.

Yes and no, there are so many guys on those apps that are jerks or putting in token effort that getting a response is mostly a matter of having decent pictures that don't make you look like a creep. A message that indicates that you've at least read the profile and something to indicate that you might be a match.

The bigger issue tends to be getting a 2nd date, or even standing out enough in the massive pile of messages that women are getting just to have somebody reading it.



Pink Zeppelin
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Today, 11:03 am

MatchboxVagabond wrote:
The bigger issue tends to be getting a 2nd date, or even standing out enough in the massive pile of messages that women are getting just to have somebody reading it.


I would guess most guys can't even fathom the attention women get on dating apps (or in real life). It is so unlike what we experience that we have no way of understanding it.



nick007
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Today, 3:22 pm

I think your unhappy being single because you feel pressured from society to be in a relationship despite the fact that you think obtaining a relationship would be extremely difficult & that being in a relationship may not be right for you.


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blitzkrieg
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Today, 3:33 pm

nick007 wrote:
I think your unhappy being single because you feel pressured from society to be in a relationship despite the fact that you think obtaining a relationship would be extremely difficult & that being in a relationship may not be right for you.


There does seem apparent, an element of perceived pressure from society to reach a certain norm' for Chris, in this case, of relationship status.

It would probably be better to try to stop dwelling on this sort of thing, if it is making Chris unhappy. Easier said than done, of course.



Mikurotoro92
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Today, 4:26 pm

chris1989 wrote:
I can't understand myself why I complain about not having someone else in my life while at the same time I won't prioritise it as I have a bumble app on my phone at my finger tips but I don't always visit or actively search on it.

A part of me likes being single and doing my own things but another part of me doesn't seem to like it. I don't know what to do about it. I therefore end up putting pressure on myself to think about these things as though "time is running out" because I'm overly aware of my age and that chances of meeting someone will slowly evaporate because it seems like a lot of 30+ year olds I've seen are either in long term relationships, or married with kids and that then makes me find it sometimes unenjoyable to be single and think I "shouldn't" be now at this stage of life and it gets too much sometimes. Why do I keep falling into this trap that in order to be happy in life you need to be in a relationship?


Because you were conditioned into believing that marriage and children were the ONLY possible paths to life satisfaction!! !

Of course that is NOT TRUE!



MatchboxVagabond
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Today, 7:53 pm

Pink Zeppelin wrote:
MatchboxVagabond wrote:
The bigger issue tends to be getting a 2nd date, or even standing out enough in the massive pile of messages that women are getting just to have somebody reading it.


I would guess most guys can't even fathom the attention women get on dating apps (or in real life). It is so unlike what we experience that we have no way of understanding it.

Yep, it leaves everybody frustrated. It's not even like the attention that women are getting is necessarily uniformly good or even has a significant number of good choices. It's enough good choices to be overwhelming and a massive number of ones that really aren't suitable for either party.