Not Autistic Not ADHD But Not Normal

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Last summer I got evaluated for learning disability and ADHD because people thought I was ADHD as a kid and according to evaluation I don't have ADHD Also i told my dr how people have thought im autistic and my Dr says I don't seem autistic and he's a Dr so I guess he knows what's he's talking about. However I also don't feel normal for a 34 year old female. For one I'm not crazy about guys. While some guys are cute I just never had much interest in guys. Also I've always been a tomboy but not lesbian and am more interested in video games and things like that. However I wouldn't say I'm obsessed about video games. While I'm usually playing video games when I'm not working (yes I have a job and live alone) I have other interest such as drawing and writing. Also while I am interested in video games some video games I can only get so much into them before I start to lose interest which is why I say I'm not obsessed with video games. If I'm not adhd or autistic and clearly rather geeky and not normal than what exactly am I.

Well, you'd hope so, but they're only human. I know somebody who had 2 ASD assessments by 2 different teams, and one said ASD and the other said not ASD. Personally I think it's better to just figure out which traits an individual has and not worry too much about the overarching label (though I don't think it's entirely useless), because traits can be measured more objectively.

he's a Dr so I guess he knows what's he's talking about

You may wish to revisit this assumption.

I use the older term Aspergers because I think it is more accurate. Those that claim sovereignty over this territory lumped it in with autism. I suspect because it allowed them to imply a defect that they could charge money for "treating".

If it is simply a neurological variant that results in a faster, more complex, or more sensitive neurology, one might expect the demand for sensory and cognitive processing would produce developmental tendencies to avoid anxiety and find comfort in those activities and environments that produce less anxiety.

If what is being described is an expression of natural genetic variability, one would expect to observe a widely different set of manifestations further made variable in widely different developmental environments.

It is not "are you or aren't you" but to what degree you deal with some or all of the possible characteristics.

If you are odd, that is OK so are we. You should be welcome even if you do not fit someone else's evaluation criteria.

While I'm not a psychologist or doctor, none of what you noted seems to indicate whether or not you are autistic. They may be inline with autism, but also can just be personal traits. Autistic traits are more about repetition, organization, sensory matters, obsessions, and social difficulties. ADHD traits would be impulsiveness, boredom, losing things, difficulties getting things done with a steady pace, and getting overwhelmed with tasks that have many steps. Those can all be masked though, so they may be hard to recognize, especially if you been unknowingly masking them your whole life.

I was told by a general psychologist that I could not be autistic when I asked them. This was after attending that very clinic for therapy and psychiatric care on and off for 10 over years. I then found a psychologist that specializes in autism evaluations, had them conduct an evaluation, and got the diagnosis. They later did an ADHD evaluation and got that one too. So doctors and psychologists can be incorrect. It's also possible that you are masking very well without even knowing it like I was.

I think autism evaluations are designed to bypass masking, so they can catch people that are unknowingly trying to be normal. They look for fundamental autistic traits in ways that the person being evaluated will not realize in the moment. If you have strong suspicions and are even slightly disappointed that a doctor told you that you are not autistic, I think it might be worth spending the money to get a legit evaluation from a specialist. Tip: Don't look up how the tests work so you can get accurate results.

Hm. Tim and Participant have hit upon two very useful things that are really part of the same issue: DSM diagnostic criteria.

Some years back, the DSM changed to broaden the diagnostic criteria for autism. This rolled in a new understanding for "high functioning autism" and retired a former category called Asperger's, which was considered a "form" of autism, but not exactly autism.

The problem with any type of autism is that there is no way to biologically test for autism. If you go by hard science, it doesn't really exist. There is no way to prove that any person does or does not have autism. It is a set of observable behaviors and self-described inner states, which are all subjective. I think it is best described by imagining gender versus biological sex and race versus genetic origins.

example: A person may express gender behaviors in completely different ways depending on their culture, but whether or not a person has a Y chromosome is the basis of biological sex; a person may have genetic origins in a certain region that is associated with a certain skin color or eye shape, but this may not be reflected in how that person actually looks to the rest of us.

So if we try to compare autism in this way, it doesn't hold up. We can examine the "feelings" (do I "feel" like a woman?) and the "look" (does he "look" autistic?) but we have no way to go inside the human body and do a hard check for autism. We can see brain differences, but we don't know if those differences are from living an autistic life, or if they were hard wired there to begin with. Since children's brains are developing, it is doubtful that the brain is hardwired that way, but I'm not a neurologist AND none of you have been diagnosed as autistic by neurologists because neurologists don't diagnose for autism-psychologists and psychiatrists do.

ADHD is not really much different. People with ADHD are different in a different way than autism. They have slowly developing frontal lobes, which can develop faster in childhood if they are given stimulant medication, such as Ritalin. But like autism, there is no hard check where we can definitely say this person has or does not have ADHD. A person could have a brain injury in specific brain regions and have the exact same symptoms as person with "natural" ADHD. Some people "grow out of" ADHD as their brain fully matures. There is no real way to know in childhood. Adults have to experiment with environmental changes and medication, which is frustrating, until they find something that works for them.

In any case, I think all a person can do is read up on things and decide for themselves what kind of person they are. If you are feeling a sense of "difference," it may make sense to keep exploring that to find the root cause of it. Many people find that their lives become amazingly easy once they have reasonable accommodations put in place. They have been working on hard mode all this time. Once things are appropriate for them, they take off and enjoy life so much more. Other people may be looking for a catharsis that will never come. Some of us are just weird and will always be weird. If you fit in somewhere, that in itself may be strange and you may find a way to not fit in again. So it may be more about acceptance and love of yourself for who you are.

Sorry about the long reply. I am passionate about this subject. I wish there was more clarity about these things.

Not entirely sure but my being a tomboy might have to do with my upbringing. My parents are rather liberal and let me watch shows growing up that were more for boys which I eventually got teased by other people for. As for not being crazy about guys sex ed scared me as a teenager. I didn't even realize I had some interest in guys until I was in college and still it isn't much. I really dont want to think I'm autistic because of the stigma about it.

I wouldn't trust a Doctor's opinion about whether I "seem Autistic" unless they are a Psychologist who works with Autism.

And, depending upon how high-level you are and how much they see you, they could have no real basis for an opinion.

I made it to age 64 without anyone even suggesting to me that I might be Autistic. My sister works as a nanny for special-needs kids and had one with her when visiting our then 88 year old Dad. The kid's parents suspected he might be Autistic and my Dad apparently said several times the kid was doing the same "weird" thing I used to do when I was his age (which would've been in the 1950s!). That caused me and my bride to read about Autism on-line and we both agreed it sounded like me...but we are amateurs, that was not conclusive enough for me. But I found AQ online and it said I was likely Autistic...that convinced me there was credible reason to suspect I might be Autistic so I got a formal Adult Autism Assessment (from a licensed psychologist who works with Autistics) and she said I was:

Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (Mild)
(with a note that I also satisfy the criteria previously associated with Asperger's Syndrome).

And it explained so much.

P.S. Autistic, or not, welcome to WP!

Hi BunnyJen90 and welcome to WP.
I'll leave the 90 in to resist my tendency to abbreviate.

Normal is as normal does...and looking around I find overwhelming reason to not want to be normal.
Pretension to normality is another matter entirely.

I'm not sure of its relevance, but a question from an under-officers exam in the late 70s popped into my head while I was considering normality.

"What is the weight of a standard army rifle pull through?"

I laughed myself stupid because nearly everybody put forward an estimate in grams.
I guess I got the answer right with "the piece of metal on the end of the cord"

I suppose that's the equivalent of "how long is a piece of string"
Errr....the distance from one end to the other?

While I don't exactly want to be normal I don't want to be autistic either. Being the geeky person I am I would rather be like a super hero somehow.

I thought geeky people were super heroes if they're geeky about anything useful. Even if it's not useful, they're virtual super heroes at least.

Before I got my diagnosis I knew virtually nothing about Autism...except what I'd seen in parts of a few commercials for Rain Man. With that ignorance I would've expected every Autistic to be like Rain Man.

But, I have since learned that is not accurate. "If you've met one person with Autism then you've met one person with Autism." We're all different! And Autism is a so poorly understood that I think maybe the term "Autism" encompasses multiple different medical conditions which each happen to produce the set of traits called "Autism". And further, even if two Autistic people had the same underlying medical condition, how it presents itself can vary greatly from one person to the next depending upon their environment growing up.

When I first concluded I was probably Autistic I was initially kind of proud that I could be Autistic and doing as well as I have. Ut, oh. Then I searched the Internet for famous Autistics. Ouch! My ego was crushed! It took awhile for me to recover and realize we're all different and that, also, we were all living in our own unique circumstances.

My bride helped me research Autism. She is ADHD; this has been known since she was a young child. But as she read about Autism she started to see she also had many of its characteristics. Fortunately, I found this chart for her to look at. It compares ADHD and Asperger's (a former label for some forms of Autism). It convinced her that she had ADHD, not Autism...and I am so glad! If she stays on her diagnosis I can go over to mine for some peace and quiet!

P.S. Autism is not required for being on Wrong Planet. In fact, you can be completely normal (boring!) and be welcome on Wrong Planet. All Wrong Planet requires is a polite interest in the topic. So, welcome to Wrong Planet!

P.P.S. And I am still kind of proud of being Autistic. I might not have done as well as those famous Auties but I am in good company.

It may help to know that gender and sexual preference can be different.
Some transgender women are into men and other are into women..

according to a psychologist, I have cyclothymia and schizotypal personality disorder. Not ADHD and Autistic as I originally thought, but close, so I feel your pain.

One thing I've noticed about these forums is that some people have self-diagnosed. Sometimes they're just socially inapt, or something, and they assume they're autistic.

You don't need a diagnosis to do many of the things that help people on the spectrum.
Perhaps the biggest is the avoidance of overly stressful social situations, like crowded stores.
I've walked into Target, decided there were too many people, and left to come back another day.

I wear high fidelity earphones if I know there is going to be a lot of loud noises. A movie theater, for example.

Some MTF transgenders get speech therapy to help the pass when speaking.

I'm not transgender. I was born female and am okay with it. However, for some odd reason I've always been a tomboy. There have been times I've felt like deep down I'm maybe non binary but part of me likes being female. Lately I've been becoming more feminist which may be why Im still identifying as female even though i dont feel the most feminine. I believe we women can do everything a man can do plus we're able to have babies. However, that doesn't mean we should be fully responsible for a baby if we have one. Anyway I'm getting too much into politics here and I've learned the hard way not to discuss my political and religious beliefs.

I learned the easy way by reading the PPR section of WrongPlanet. It came in handy when I started spending time in Arkansas where they're nearly all staunch Baptists and Trumpies. Careless talk costs.