A poem I wrote on Factory Farming.

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I wrote this poem on factory farming. Do you like it? Is there anyway that I could improve it?



Awakening in the morning,
not to see the sunrise,
but to see another carcas of your own kind.

Walking to get water,
not from the fresh lake,
but from bowls liquid glowing red at all angles.

Taking a first step,
not followed by another,
but the cracking sound of your legs breaking.

Staying there to rest,
not to re-energize,
but in hope that you will take your last breath.

Woke up after that,
not to be in heaven,
but the dark place that you never have left.

One step from water,
not to take it in grace,
but to cry in complete agony of one's body.

Clucking at the human,
no not for food,
but pleading to not get jabbed with needles.

Shuting one's eyes,
not to rest or sleep,
but to cease to exist and rott like the rest.

I'm not really a poem person so am not very well placed to judge it. I think it’s very good though, it’s such a shame how these birds are treated.

You should look into joining your local vegetarian society. If it’s anything like the one near me they have a quarterly magazine which people write into with these sorts of thing.

Android

Dear Brittany,

I read your poem, and there's no subtlety to it. It's very heavy and brutal. Too heavy, too brutal. It weighs down on me like a ton of bricks, like I'm getting bluedgeoned with a hammer by "THE BRINGER OF DEATH". He does not carry a schythe over his shoulder, but a 40-pound sledge. I would aim for subtlety. . . . . the fear and depression and confinement an animal must feel in it's dull mind. See yourself through the animal's eyes. The part about the dish shining red in the sun was good. Maybe talk about the straw. Or what it sounds like in a factory, the diesel generater hum. The whirling fan. The stifling heat. But make sure we feel it along with you. That's very important.

Michael "Lawless" Adams
http://www.dearwinona.com

Subtlety? Nah. Black metal for the win :p