We as Aspies should stop trying to make friends/relationship

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Well said!

I am a 22 year old aspie. I have zero friends, I don't know what to talk about with other people and other people ignore me or don't find me interesting. I am clueless how to make friendships and maintain them.

My attempts at interactions with neurotypicals is like Sisyphus pushing the rock towards the top of the hill. For example I am clueless what to talk about with other people and when I do the conversations are dissatisfyingly short.

Part of the reason it feels for me to be like Sisyphus is because when I want the conversation to last longer, I run out of thoughts and inspiration what to say next and so the conversation breaks, its not 100% just me, the neurotypical doesn't give a damn about me and would rather talk with another neurotypical when our conversation is over. Why do I always have to be the first person to initiate a conversation, why do I always have to be the one to
"break the ice"? Why don't we put mutual effort into a conversation.

As someone who failed to make friends, has zero friends currently and has had only one true friend in my entire life I haven't quit not attempting to make friends.

I am very pessimistic that I will have friends, let alone a girlfriend, in the future. I feel hopeless too.

You said, if I fail and fail, what's the point of trying?

My current mental attitude is that I don't expect that I will ever have friends and that I might die alone. I admit that I don't know for certain whether I will ever have friends in my life or I won't. And as much as its brutal for others to accept that fact its just as brutal for me.

Friendships and relationships are a essential part of being human. Without it I would go insane and since humans are social creatures, social isolation and being a hermit is damaging for our mental health, as I have witnessed.

The reason why I can't quit trying to socialize despite my hopeless and depressing situation is that friendships and relationships are a basic need like eating, sleeping or having a roof over my head. I cannot ignore my basic needs. I am aware that having friends is what makes us human and meaningful friendships are a crucial part of the human experience.

I can only try like Sisyphus to try day after day in my attempt to put the rock on the top of the hill. I have no other choice no matter how hopeless and depressing my reality is, I can't force myself to be a hermit when I can't. Which means that I am human, just like everybody else, longing for friendships and wanting people to accept me for the way I am.

that was me at your age [and a long ways afterwards until recently] as well. you are not alone in this. but if you maintain your patience and stick with life until you're old like me I would bet you will get better at it, simply from the additional years of accumulated knowledge you will have. that stuff will reach a critical mass and start creating novelty out from itself. part of learning conversation is to watch other conversations and study them, figure out where they went off the tracks and where they could be improved, eventually it will break through into your life. that has been my experience and although your mileage may vary, you could in fact do better than me at least. you might be smarter than me, IOW and have better luck with it.

part of it is a karmic lesson, just as you wish somebody would notice you, there are countless other people who wish people would notice them, and engage them in conversation, pay them some attention, validate their humanity. I look so different from the typical person my age, that there are often enough a few brave souls, curious, who will chat me up, or invite me clearly, to chat them up.


I am curious about the "one true friend" you described- [if you don't mind talking about it] is this person online or offline, and what is happening with this friend now?


have you had one online friend?

I didn't meet people until I was forced to join the military. what do you think about the military?

I don't know what happened to him, I am not in contact with him because he lives in another country. The reason why my friendship ended is because my father told me to pack up my things and return to my country. Me and my former friend live in different countries.
He was a real friend, not a online friend.



Online friends are not friends and they will never will be, unless an online relationship becomes a real relationship.

To me the definition of friendship is strict. To me a friend is not every person you hang out with, let alone someone who accepted you on Facebook. Many people have a rather loose definition of friendship and that's why they cannot differentiate "friends" from friends.



It could be a better place to meet new people, because people live closer to each other unlike school for example.

Military might improve my life in four ways:

1. I lack discipline and a father figure, I am also semi-lazy, it might improve my discipline because I feel a need for self-discipline in order to succeed in life.

2. I dreamed to be an athletic, physically healthy and physically strong person throughout my entire childhood but my parents didn't give a damn about financing my sport when I was a child, and I was often hungry and had only one meal per day, how can I grow muscles and be strong when I don't put weight.
I feel robbed of physical exercise and training, which is one of the most important thing for a child besides play.
I am currently physically weak. And military might improve my physical well-being, physical health and physical strength.

3. Courage and boldness are virtues that I aspire to have and the military might improve my courage and boldness. I don't have enough courage and boldness that I wish to have.

4. A higher chance to meet new people than for example school, is one more good reason to join military.

^^^^sounds like a just illuminated in your thinking. IMHO the service least likely to send you to a foreign land, would be the coast guard. it is run by the department of transportation and not part of the department of defense, it's mission is the homeland.

I don't live in USA.

then you're probably in better luck in this regard. your nation won't as likely send you to foreign lands to do their dirty work.

I wrote this a little bit ago to my mother about this topic. I don't believe that we can't have any relationships (I'm married to an NT) but I do believe we have to face the reality that we won't have many. I'd love to meet other aspies women just to feel less alone but it's not like we are the type to go hang out on crowds looking for friendship.

"If you believe the entire purpose of life is walking and then you're in a wheelchair, you either have to redefine your purpose of life or you're going to kill yourself. I defined the purpose of life as relationships for the majority of my life. I will have very few if any relationships ever. the ones I do have will occasionally make me feel like Alice in Wonderland and will make me lose my grip on reality. The more people that are in my life the more Up Is Down and Down is up. I have to redefine a purpose for life that doesn't include people. I like the trees and I like animals. I have to find a safe space for myself inside my own head. And I have to come to terms with being alone. I know you love me as do others but I am alone. I have no one in my life that walks on this ground with me everybody else is walking on clouds and I have no clue how they're doing it."

'Tis actually an interesting question: just how much human contact do we need/how to live with social isolation (if possible)...
There are lots of movies, where the main character, who is a genius, goes away from everyone to do his own thing and invents some secret thing, (those type of characters make me jealous). Maybe, that's a myth, though.
I'd say, even smart people need others, so they could show them their achievements and share their thoughts, help them in some way. Without others even geniuses would give up on their things...
Try talking to experts/specialists more. They may be more inspiring)
(Weird random sidenote: I've just realized that I've only seen 1 aspie in real life, who isn't a relative)

I hear you. Accepting that may help me.

Agreed.I believe it's very possible for Aspies to be able to get into relationships,but shouldn't expect too many.Now for me,I have already faced the fact that I will probably not be any relationships(romantic relationship or even just a simple friendship) whatsoever for the rest of my life and outside of this website,I get absolutely no human contact whatsoever(unless it's at work and even then,I don't talk with my CO Workers about anything that isn't strictly work related).Far as puprse of life,I define it by working as hard as possible,even with little to no human contact.

I feel this way about neurotypical people but hopefully i can make at least one other aspie friend. Someone with impairments like mine. I know they exist.

I find it challenging to post lengthy replies to posts in this forum, let along make attempts at social conversation in person. I suppose replying on-topic in this forum would be a best social outcome for me in reality in terms of social interaction.

But the thing is humans are social animals. It is impossible for any human including an Aspie to live completely isolated from other humans for the rest of their lives because that would drive us insane. Even introverts need the occasional human contact even if they don't like being around people.

I have never been in a relationship and I have no friends but I am very close with my Mom who takes care of me and I get along ok with my siblings and grandparents. Plus my brother just had a baby girl and I am excited about having a neice now.

But I know that not everyone has a close family that supports them and that is a very sad thing so I don't know what to say about that.

As for me,I don't get any human contact outside of this website,so being totally isolated(outside of work) doesn't bother me.I haven't even seen or contacted with any of my family members in like almost 2 years, and haven't had any human contact(outside of work related reasons or this website) for almost a year. I believe Aspies could be totally isolated and be fine(if they have enough independent skills), becasue many of us are not social like everyone else is.Some people need a lot of human contact,some people need little to even no human contact.For many Aspies,it's the latter.

Do you like your work very much? I've been enjoying my work recently and not feeling he need to socialise. I'm working with a family member who is also Aspie which I guess is quite fortunate. What is your work situation like?