Adults with AS, how do you find eye-contact?

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I am the same, it seems honestly pointless to me.. I don't like it and i barely made eye contact in the past and now i get told i make too much eye contact.. too little.. too much... make your minds up people, its so frustrating trying to work out how much is enough

I dislike making eye contact with people, although I understand that it's important in communication. I've done some clinical work as a social work student and it's been drummed into me that offering eye contact is important in conveying that you are interested in the other person and is a way at building rapport.

However, I'm also aware that you're not supposed to continually make eye contact with someone but you're meant to look at a person for a few seconds, look away, then look back. So that gives me some leeway in not having to constantly make eye contact. Plus I also sometimes focus on a person's forehead or lips, so at least I'm giving the impression that I'm looking at them during conversation.

I wasn't diagnosed as AS until I was 75. So earlier, the eye contact was a bother and I didn't know why. But several folks warned me that i had to look authority figures, potential employers, anybody in that kind of realm, in the eye or they would think that I was dishonest. So I forced myself.
But I also purchased Ray-Ban sunglasses, the mirrored kind and nobody said much when I was in the Navy for instance because I was in an air crew.

Looking back, I guess I played those games all those years without really thinking about it, a few quick looks and put on sun glasses when outside. And I never got over the little brain wave during eye contact.

I find eye contact very difficult. I knew I had a problem with this long before knowing about asperger syndrome. I thought I'd fixed it when I started to look at people's faces (general the mouth or nose), which I find easier than looking at the eyes. However, the feedback I got from a job interview a few years ago was "no eye contact - no job". I now try to look people in the eye more, but I don't like it.

As others have mentioned, I don't know how to do it properly, and find it very unnatural (for me). I'm sure some serious training in this area would help.

In my case, i have no problems whatsoever.

It's taken a lot of practice, but I can look some folks in the eye. Just don't ask me to tell you what their eye color is! Just can't seem to hold the contact that long.... Also have trouble calling people by name, not to mention just remembering who they are! I can recognize people if I see them on a regular basis @ work, but if I bump into them @ the store or @ the mall...more often than not, I won;t even recognize them! Very embarassing.

y'know how the sterotypical teacher always says, "look me in the eye when i'm talking to you"? well, i taught for 5 years, and i sure as heck didn't ever say that! kids would point it out that i wouldn't make them do it... but it was for my sake, honestly, not for theirs!

whether i can maintain any eye contact or not depends on my level of comfort, or whether i can fake it:

YES- meeting someone on business for a brief moment, i.e. being introduced to a new manager, when no extensive conversation is required (i have certain pre-practiced 'scripts' and 'choreography' that i use, but they only work for about one minute or less)

NO- meeting someone for on business for longer, i.e. a job interview

YES- talking to friends or family whom i have known for a long time, i.e. my husband, my daughter, friends of more than a few months, workmates of more than a year if i interact with them every day (sometimes if i am uncertain whether to trust someone it can take longer, or not happen consistently, if at all)

NO - talking to people i don't like, or don't respect, or don't trust, or who make me really nervous, i.e. someone i find attractive, or a work bully

NO- when i am having a highly emotional moment, i.e. angry, sad, excited

NO - if the other person is having an emotional moment, i.e. angry, sad, excited (i have to interpret what they are feeling, then remember and process the appropriate action to take. i can't do eye contact while i am sorting that out. if there is another person present i will sometimes look to them for guidance as to how to react, although i don't usually copy them. it just helps me get an idea of what is going on, if that makes sense)

A poster above mentioned that Asian cultures aren't so big on the eye contact issue.
It's a rudeness thing. Look too long into the eyes and you're being invasive, hostile, you're challenging the other person. Invading their privacy.
Here in the states, not so. You never look into another person's eyes long enough, or you look too long.
I get accused of the opposite of not making eye contact: staring.
And every time that happens, I say that I'm sorry, it's not something I'm doing on purpose.
I guess it's because I don't blink a lot. I know that I'm not intending to stare.
...but I use The Stare when I have to. When I have to is usually when eye contact is being demanded from me.
They want it? They got it.
I'll admit the possibility I'm being passive aggressive, but demanding eye contact from me, and then continually glancing away and back and away and back and away and back really annoys me. It's like, you either want eye contact or not.
I don't know why...but The Stare has chilled angry-hot people, smacked down up-snooties and just plain wrought embarassment from the extroverts.
I guess I can call The Stare my Great Equalizer?

Eye contact used to upset me .. was afraid of people watching me . As i grew found it was just something people did but not constantly ..being brought up in physically and psychologically abusive situations . Eye contact was how you could tell if you were going to be struck by someone .If question of honesty came up mine or theirs , would almost lock eye contact . As if could tell by eyes if person was lying . Best liars are able to maintain a glare, but not other tells usually . Never liked eye contact so much , But personal safety seemed to require it , in my situations .

Uncomfortable. Increasing urge to look away

A workaround is to look at something near a persons eye like the nose

I am an uber expressive person. If I am comfortable I stare. If I am not, I look down a lot. I seem to always look away just as an acquaintance looks my way, and I look back and they've looked away. Was I supposed to hold my gaze another second and smile? Probably. I really like to observe myself to see if what I just said is true. My NT husband has said my eye contact is "intense." I love watching my NT son's eye contact --- I'm staring at him of course, but he's looking at me, over there, back at me, all around... so cute. My Aspie daughter (flat affect) has shy eye contact and used to ask me: why are you staring at me?!

Unless it's someone I feel comfortable around I have a hard time with it and find looking at the floor more calming for me.

I have to consciously remember to do it, and even then it's uncomfortable. Mostly I sort of un-focus my eyes and look down or a little off to the side, because that makes it easier to focus on what someone is saying. Unexpected eye-contact feels like a physical shock or pain, and I can't help reflexively looking away.

It got easier for me with age but I still struggle with it in less than ideal situations. I avoid it when I am in a bad mood partly because I tend to have a resting b***h face at times and have had many negative consequences bought on by that. Also if I am thinking hard about something or having a difficult conversation I have trouble maintaining it. I tend to look away when I can't say what I think the other person wants to hear.

Been practicing for ages but recently had a job interview and lets just say I failed that portion. I would actually feel more comfortable staring at someone's private areas (male or female) than making eye contact and it is still uncomfortable beyond description. I can't even look my own wife in the eyes and to my embarrassment didn't know what color they were early in our relationship. That's not even getting into the fact my mind will literally go blank and that likely cost me a very lucrative position.

I still have a really difficult time with it and it's one of the few things that makes me feel truly self-conscious.

One time an ex-boyfriend's mom yelled at me because I hardly ever made eye contact. As if that will suddenly make me do it.