07 Mar 2012, 9:24 pm
07 Mar 2012, 10:18 pm
I think it's simpler than that. You're fine with men finding you attractive because that's "safe" - it won't lead anywhere, so the outcome doesn't matter. It's like betting with pretend money - you can risk the lot on one hand of cards because it's just for fun. But women finding you attractive is important to you. You resist it, because it does have consequences. It matters to you.
"Fat and ugly" is not the cause of a lack of self-esteem. It's an expression of it, and usually comes from a distorted self-image, but it's far from the only form of expression. And yes, I can relate to it. I hated myself for many years before I finally learned how to accept myself, and now I know myself to be the intelligent, handsome sex machine that I really am.
There's a bit of truth to that. I'm not 100% gay and currently live with my bf, but I suppose I take the idea of a relationship with a woman more seriously (I feel horrible to my bf for typing that, but I do prefer women and he knows that). Plus, men fancy women all the time. If I lost my current partner, I could get another male partner, eventually...but women are harder to get in general, even more so when you are a woman yourself. There would be a lot of 'must. not. f**k. this. up', if I had a relationship with a woman. It's easier to reject it outright.
08 Mar 2012, 12:57 pm
It's exactly the other way around for me. Or rather, it's exactly the same, only that I'm male 
I dated a few men back in the day before my social anxiety got the better of me. With "dated", I mean "found someone in my area in some AOL chat room, gave him my address, had fast and uncomplicated sex, and never saw him again afterwards". Men are straightforward, easy to understand and easy to satisfy.
But I've always been a lot more self-conscious and inhibited around women. Feeling unworthy describes it perfectly. In my case, this can't have anything to do with homophobia, and I don't think that's the case for you either. It's probably just self-sabotage out of fear of being rejected or not being able to live up to someone else's expectations.
08 Mar 2012, 2:51 pm
10 Mar 2012, 11:36 pm
I dated a few men back in the day before my social anxiety got the better of me. With "dated", I mean "found someone in my area in some AOL chat room, gave him my address, had fast and uncomplicated sex, and never saw him again afterwards". Men are straightforward, easy to understand and easy to satisfy. But I've always been a lot more self-conscious and inhibited around women. Feeling unworthy describes it perfectly. In my case, this can't have anything to do with homophobia, and I don't think that's the case for you either. It's probably just self-sabotage out of fear of being rejected or not being able to live up to someone else's expectations.
I did have a lot of internalised homophobia, but it's probably a separate issue. I think as I get over that, and accept that it's perfectly okay with me to love women, I realised that I still have a hard time accepting the idea of women loving me.
12 Mar 2012, 11:33 am
12 Mar 2012, 4:03 pm
