bobbythebluesman wrote:
Thebicyclingguitarist wrote:
"....when I was growing up in the 1960s. I did some research and self-diagnosed upon being told about Aspergers by a counselor in the late 1990s, and in the past decade I have been tested and officially diagnosed at least twice (the most recent time upon applying for services a couple years ago from the Developmental Disability branch of the local health department). I am finally hooked up with the right agency"
A couple of questions.
1. Has it impacted the availability of health insurance to you?
2. What "major breakthroughs" might there be.
1. Having an accurate diagnosis and being set up with the correct agency has made a big difference in the support I get for day to day living. I get some help from the Southern Oregon Regional Brokerage. I was referred to them by the Developmental Disability branch of the local public health department.
2. I am hopeful that someday medical science will find a way to "deintensify" my sensory input. Everything is always "too intense" for me. That intense world theory of autism seems to fit me whether or not it fits anyone else.
As I said too, I appreciate the gifts of my autism: a greater than average vocabulary, encyclopedic knowledge of many subjects but especially history and science, talent at figuring songs out "by ear", etc. But the sensory overload has made my whole life a hell, and my inability to make social connections due to my not being able to read the cues most people "get" normally isolates me even further. I don't want to lose my gifts, but if I were offered a chance to become a mindless slug but without pain, or continue existing as I do, mindless slug would look pretty good let me tell you...
As with you, having greater social skills isn't really that important to me. It might prevent me being taken advantage of as much, or my being hurt by others or my hurting others (accidentally!), but it doesn't cause physical suffering the way my sensory issues do.
I try to explain to others what it is like to be me, and fail. Imagine living skinned alive in a world that rains salt with blinding strobe lights, loud screeching noises, hot and cold blasts, obnoxious strong odors, unpleasant textures, etc. Sounds don't have to be loud to be painful. Things like a neighbor's T.V. through an apartment wall hurt me, a lot, when other people can barely hear it and can apparently ignore it or block it somehow. Oh and besides these sensory overload issues, other people don't understand you and you don't understand them. What excites them bores you, and vice versa, and you can't make a connection with anyone on any subject, ever!
Just a few years ago something new happened to me. Did you ever feel trapped and uncomfortable underneath a blanket, where you felt a compelling need to throw the blanket off of you? My whole body felt like that, deep down to the bones inside, a great strong urge of being trapped and uncomfortable like when you feel a need to throw a blanket off of you to get some fresh air and stretch your limbs. I felt a great need to throw my body off, but I couldn't! It was quite unpleasant. I don't have that particular feeling all the time, but since that first time a couple years ago it is not uncommon. I hope medical science will eventually find a way to turn down the volume on my senses or how the inputs are processed. I hope this helps you understand!
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"When you ride over sharps, you get flats!"--The Bicycling Guitarist, May 13, 2008