I'll never pass (MTF trans)

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Yes, passing well is not everything. The extreme prejudice and very much higher risk of violence against trans people should be given due consideration also. Look up the stats. It helps to appreciate how brave those who choose transition are. There are some well-intentioned thoughts here, but at the same time it's important to try not to dis one group while supporting another, which can happen unintentionally. It is not necessarily pretending or any less authentic if a trans person chooses not to transition, not that you intended to suggest this -- just to clarify.

Here's a good link for anyone wanting to be better informed about the tensions between popular assumptions of gendered personalities and feminism: http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/feminism-trans/

Of course, if you pass as a natal female you're much less likely to experience transmisogynistic violence from strangers...

To be perfectly honest, people on the spectrum tend to not fit in to social constructs one way or another, and gender is largely a social construct. Though it's true that there are biological differences on average that contribute to gender differences on average, if a female can gravitate towards stereotypical male things and still be considered female, why should a male have to adopt the perception that he is not male if he gravitates towards stereotypical female things? What is wrong with being a male who defies the norms any more than a female who defies the norms?

I think you should embrace who you are and if other people have a problem with the concept of a man hugging stuffed animals and so on....well that is their problem and they can deal with it in therapy.

As far as women go, it would be a mistake to assume all women will only accept stereotypically male men. A lot of woman like a man with a feminin side provided he isnt someone they cant depend on to protect them when necessary.

Perhaps I'm misunderstanding you Chronos, and if I am, please say - but it seems to me that you're suggesting being trans is a conclusion people jump to because they don't fit ascribed social 'niches'. This is not the case. There is nothing at all wrong with being male or female and not adhering to socially constructed concepts of masculinity or femininity, but that is a very different thing from being trans. As a trans person myself I am very sure that the problem is a mismatch between my brain and my body, not distress at social conventions and my relationship with them (I'm a rather feminine trans man so clearly my problem is not a failure to fit in with the gender I was socialised as). The original poster is trying to embrace who she is, but who she is is not "a man hugging stuffed animals" but a woman, who unfortunately others do not always seem to see that way.

Again, if I've misinterpreted I am very sorry, but I was reluctant to leave the latest post un-responded to.

here is the US and Canada transgender suicide hotline: 1-877-565-8860

staffed entirely by transgendered people

What drivel. Gender is NOT a social construct. Gender is something you feel internally to be what you are. I had difficulties from a very early age, always seeing myself as a girl. Lost count of the number of beatings received from my father for the simplest of things like putting on my sisters coat to go to Sunday School. Why her coat, because it was nicer than mine.

At age of fifteen "put" into the UK armed forces in order "to be made a man out of". Served eight years, and yes I've been to war. It wasn't until age fifty three, after a few attempts at taking my own life that a Pshrink suggested that the voice in my head saying I was really a woman might actually be true. Started on hormones followed by corrective surgery, and never been happier with who I am.

As for transsexuals - having been a member of the trans community for eighteen years I have often answered the question "how do you know", with one simple answer. If it's a compulsion - like an addiction, that you cannot escape, then you are transsexual. If it's just an occasional desire then you are most likely transgendered. Transgender being an umbrella term covering any individual where there is an element of confusion about their gender. Transsexuals are NEVER confused about their gender.

When I said it's "internal" an example of this would be whenever completing a form for whatever that required a tick or cross in a Gender box, invariably if I wasn't thinking I would cross/tick the female box years before I recognised myself as being female, and have to go back and correct it. My brain just knew I was a woman and subconsciously said so, I had to constantly work hard at being male.

Zinnia Jones Gender Analysis Playlist.

I don't want to start an argument, but many people get confused between gender roles (which are a social construct) and gender, which isn't. Gender is what we feel we are. How society chooses what that gender looks like or should do however /is/ a social construct.

Sort of how having a = 1, and then defining b = 1 instead, does not change the reality of 1 - or how different words in different languages can still point to the same concept or object.

With respect to the subject at hand, the Merriam Webster dictionary defines gender as such:
a : sex <the feminine gender>
b : the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex

The Oxford dictionary defines gender as such:
The state of being male or female (typically used with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones):

The OP expressed a belief that she will never pass as biologically female. Whether or not this is actually the case is not my position to say, as I can't see the OP. However it is a very real problem that many transgendered individuals face. I think in situations like this, it is important for the individual to realize that they have a right to be who they are regardless of whether or not it matches society's expectations of who they are, and keep in mind there are people who will accept you as the person you say you are, and I am one of them. If the OP had the body of a WWF wrestler, I would still accept that individual as female.

Uh, dictionaries only record how people use words, they lag behind cultural usage sometimes, I understand what you mean though.

Also, I know I'm being hypocritical given my last statement for now but it's transgender, I don't think you can be transgendered, can you?

Don't feel too bad. I look like a man in a dress when I go out, but I feel very effeminate, so I just deal with it and go on with my life.

A more trans-friendly version of that which reflects my views is "people on the spectrum don't fit the normal boxes", I think I'm technically agender and probably a lot of Aspies are too but because I really don't give a toss about or understand gender it's easier to just stick with my biological sex. Also people on the spectrum care less about social norms, so someone who would be trans if the were NT might just express their gender in ways that are not very socially acceptable for their biological sex and not care what gender people think they are an that what they do is inappropriate rather than legally transition. That's pretty much what I've done in more male phases, although it will be easier for that way round.

The fact that there are transpeople on here shows that isn't always the case though.

Ok.. I understand where you're coming from with how you view yourself hunni. I'm sure we all do to an extent at least. But never give up.. There are always alternatives. And if one hormone regiment doesn't work, there's a dozen more to try.. I'm only 6 months in. And I've been presenting for 3 (I pass decently on a good day. At least from a distance lol). But I am 6ft tall and started my transition at about 180. I've changed my entire diet and exercise routines. Yoga is a godsend!! No lie. To help get curves, I started with a back support brace and just constantly wore it around my lower ribs (nice and snug but NOT tight enough to hurt or make it hard to breathe!). I'll be getting a corset in a few weeks but it was a convenient and effective way to get it started. I also learned that laying on a soft but firm ball for a half hr once it twice a day will help curve your back better (it will be mildly uncomfortable at first but if it HURTS, stop immediately). Now. Understand something. I am now 150 lbs. For the most part, I love my body. I'm content with my facial progress thus far. But it took a lot of constant effort to get here.. I have multiple suicide attempts to show for how I used to view myself.. So I can understand.. But it's possible. I promise you! And if you'd like to contact me, I will help in any way I can. (I'll even show you the difference between now and when I was depressed 4-5 years ago and weighed over 230 lbs )