I feel like people at my church hate or dislike me

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That's summed up very well. I have that experience wherever I've been, and I've moved around alot. People do naturally gravitate towards others who are in the same circumstances and single people tend to slip through the cracks. We always seem to be in the minority. I've found as well that my friends who I hung around with when we were all single have got married now and hang out with other couples and I'm left out now.

I love that expression "slip through the cracks," l'll start using that phrase myself!

Quite often one particular church will only have a handful of single adults, who may not be your type. I would suggest taking some steps to get more singles from different churches in you area together to work some type of local Christian singles network.

This does not mean you have to necessarily set up and run a singles group itself, you're just facilitating an idea. It's quite likely someone else will be in the same boat as you and may want to take a lead role in setting something up.

You can start by setting up a Facebook group, adding singles you know to the group from your church or other churches, then ask your friends to invite other local Christian singles they know, then search for other people through Facebook, and then write a generic message to send to the people you want to invite.

You can do this using the filters. Type into the FB search box "People who are single from (your town or city)" and then in the filters on the right hand side go to the 'Religion' filter and search for Christian (you could also try searching under like Anglican, Baptist as not all Christians will use the 'Christian' label although that will be the most common). Copy and paste your message to those people you wish to invite.

It costs you nothing to do this and even if nothing gets off the ground it will do something to help raise awareness to local ministers that singles are feeling left out in church.

Well, I kind of did this old school style. I've moved around enough to get to know single people in a few different towns and I organise for us to meet up from time to time. I'm a big believer in not tying myself to one town for socialising, but I can see how that might work for the younger facebook generation.

A funny thing happened last year when I invited a few friends from different areas to a dance thinking that they could meet and make new friendships with each other. They already knew each other because they had all volunteered on the same project. I would do more voluntary work, but my health isn't so good. I struggle to get up and go to work to earn a living as it is without more work on top of that. I feel like I'm missing out a bit, but I can only do what I can do.

Being ill, single and having limited social skills is a bit of a whammy to deal with.

Church is the ultimate conformity gatekeeper. Everyone is supposed to believe the same, together. The Catholic Church has been the most effective governor of social control ever for millennia. Kings bowed down to the Pope. Those of us who are independent thinkers may find it hard to be with conformists.

I was thrown out of two churches before I went to school. The Presbyterian church for being served saltines (can you imagine my horror, so I left) and the Methodist for arguing with the Sunday school teacher after she insisted dogs don't go to heaven (well then its not heaven, duh!). I was left home after that.

I tried many churches again as an adult but I am a mix of conservative and liberal ideas. The conservative congregations were scandalized at my liberal ideas and the liberal churches felt the same about my conservative thoughts. So I finally gave up. I don't really like membership in groups anyway. God made me this way so I guess God will have to suck up the consequences.

Maybe some of these forces are making it hard for you too, Jashley.

No matter what, Jashley, do not let their unkindness bring you down; its theirs, don't make it yours. Its important to self-reflect so we learn and grow, so take the high road and Jesus' advice: "If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet ( Matthew 10:14, New International Version (NIV))"

I have it where people don't take me seriously enough at mine. For example- Every year my congregation goes on a trip that I really would like to go on some year. There is a lady there who is as sweet as pie and I love her to death. I think she means well since she has a brother with severe autism. I made a suggestion to her that we room together if we both go.

She got really sarcastic and said that she felt that we would have so much fun together that our minister would not allow us to room together. I said "Well I would like to find a traveling buddy." Either way it was a little hurtful.

Sounds like a typical clique-y situation, which is totally douchey. Often people get so caught up in being 'relevant' and 'cool' to make church seem more attractive that they get swept up in the same old superficial cliquey survival habits formed in places like high school. I've witnessed it a lot and it's really really sad. I find the younger people are the worst for it (teens to 20s) and nearly every time I visit a church some shephards me toward 'my own age group' so I can make friends. But my own age group are nothing like me!! They try sooo hard and they're moronic! they care about very stupid trivial things and are so insecure, lawd it makes me cringe. This is not always the case, but there's definitely a trend with this age group and this behavior. I'm always happier with the more mature adults who are actually friendly and welcoming and see you as a person rather than some stereotype they can fit you into. If you have to stay at this church for some reason, like no others are nearby etc, could you try talking to older people older than you I mean, as I don't know how old you are (though I realize some small churches can have really rigid old people cliques too!).
It could come to trying other churches, if they can't manage such a basic and important church principle as welcoming and accepting others, that's a huge failure in construction. I moved away from the church I liked most, I found a few people who were pretty nice, but the older people were always the friendliest and most accepting, there were still pathetic 'tiers of social standing' with the leadership and how cool certain groups were. *wretch!*
I no longer go to any church since moving city, as my local churches are pleasant enough but.. there are too many aggrivators to my autistic sensibilites >-<; the songs and ordered traditional sermons make me super antsy! and to be honest they are so friendly I don't like it, I prefer to be greeted and then left mostly in solitude. I'm pretty impossible.
A good church that deserves you there is a church that welcomes you and involves you, you should not have to initiate! Nowhere is perfect, but this type of behavior is a must! A church should be like a family, not cheerleading tryouts.
I really hope you find that.

I forgot to add something pertinent to my already long drivel!

I don't know how you would feel about it, but for me there are differences with denominations that you can get a feel for by trying them out. I used to be wary of other denominations (I became christian in a pentecostal church so..yeh) but through experience I have found anglicans to be often extremeley accepting and open minded! *-* even though they are more traditional than I was used to, they are so at ease and diverse despite that. So if you haven't already, consider other types of church under the christian umbrella, the only real difference tends to style of service. (and in my experience...friendliness)

This doesn't describe love. Love inspires engagement and investment. He does not accept his family.

This describe possessiveness; ownership - us against them.

He needs to read about the life of Jesus (the four gospels). Jesus engaged with those he loved, no matter how much society marginalized them. He spent time in their presence. He reached out to them. He partied with them despite the criticism of the Pharisees.

Few christians read the Bible. Most christians, the out spoken ones) base their religion and spiritual life around negative messages from the old testament. That's why they are all eye-for-an-eye instead of love your neighbor (meaning the despised Samaritans) and turn the other cheek.

The majority of so called christians know so little of "Christ", its weird they are called christians at all. They actually base their life on the Pharisees, who Jesus ridiculed.

However, true Gospel-based Christians are amazing.

I am losing my interest in my congregation because of two things.

1. The cliques
2. The people there seem to ask me all kinds of nosy questions non stop.

I'd like to say it is because they're church people...

... but honestly, that is just the way mundies behave in general.

This is really relevant to my situation. I am going to be revisiting my hometown and I will possibly be living there for a year. The only chance for human contact is at the shul/synagogue. It's extremely cliquey! When I was young, I was the same age as the Rabbi's kid's who were all boys, so when I got older, I was the only girl my age. I'd attract all of the little kids, though. Kids were obsessed with me! I'd tell them all spooky stories in the basement and take them on tours of the unfinished part of the shul basements. There was a story about a boy that got locked in a closet used for all of the torn and tattered prayer books. His ghost tries to kill kids in horrific ways. The kids loved me. Years pass. Things change. I come home one summer, and all of a sudden there's a code lock to get in all because a black person off the street came in and yelled the "N" word, (as there's an african american Jewish convert in the synagogue, and the community was afraid of losing him) all of the kids have grown up, and they all go off into their cliques, just like their parents do. There is little diversity, but the community is trying. There are definitely lots of members who are aspies, though. That's for sure. I suppose that's just how this cruel world works. I used to have a group of friends, but a few of them completely disowned me.

Some of them might hate you

But it is hard to imagine all of them hate you

There is no law that says anyone has to be your friend

It is a thin line between persistence and practical

You could go to a different church








Anyways idiots talk to me that way too


For example at El Cerrito natural grocery store, I was putting a salad in the box , when some penis came and ask "may I help you ?"


Nobody told me that I did anything wrong

He was annoying


Makes me paranoid ass holes think that I am going to commit a felony


Maybe I give bad vibes


Or my appearance and nonverbal communication is off even though I did not choose that





Social groups too

Dipshits are so indulgent with compliments


And they don't treat me like their friend




They don't have to


Whatever social group it is, ass holes have their own friends

We expect church to be a place where people said aside whatever causes them not to accept us and just accept us. Well, it isn't. Like in other social settings, I think we should EXPECT church to present the same general problems in our relationships. Try not to be any more discouraged about this than other social situations. I DO HATE BEING ON THE SPECTRUM!

I would advise speaking to the leaders of the church about this. Part of the problem is that no one is even aware of the dynamic in most cases and their failure to connect with you leads to distancing. People do this just by default. Perhaps things would improve if they were more aware?