Feeling alienated from other females with HFA/Asperger's

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Hey, apologies if I offended anyone. I mean no harm, even though my sense of humor is strange, and so much of what I say obviously comes across as insulting or just plain weird.

Can I just say that you women are killing it by even pursuing your interests and being active in every day life. You give me hope because even though you struggle you're an inspiration to women like me

Ps: why do soo many men like to comment in the Women's forums? I find it weird and intrusive :/

I appreciate this comment may not have been directed at me, but I just want to try and clear up any possible misunderstandings:

Please understand I am not criticizing females on the spectrum who succeed. Good for them, honestly, and good for you if you are or can become one of them. I'm here because I feel like an abberation for not being one of them, and I'm looking for other people who feel the same way.

Agreed on the men commenting here. I appreciate their concerns, but I posted in the women's section for a reason.

We share similar experiences and challenges, but sometimes that's all we can have in common with other people on the spectrum.

Everyone is welcome to post here, provided they are respectful of this sub forums purpose; there can be women only threads, see forum guidelines above.

Hey sorry for my super slow reply. Please don't read anything into it My husband has had the flu and everything fell apart this week :/ I'm working today, so feeling much better about everything (I do freelance work, so it's part special interest, but I also get paid for it...when I'm disciplined enough to get it done!). I cannot express adequately how much I love being "locked up" alone in my office.

I'm so excited to hear from you guys and your topics. I would love to chat more if either of you are interested, offline or on the forum (@agwhanooo and @bumbleme). It's actually so awesome to know I'm not the only weirdo thinking about these things Bumbleme if you're up for it, I love referencing and all things academic writing, so please let me know if there's any way I can help. I am not multi-skilled, but these things fall within my range of capacities!

Does this language indicate a fellow southern hemisphere/Oceania dweller? I don't think I'm a bogan, but I guess boganhood is in the eye of the beholder to a degree! Although I agree that mullets are a qualifying factor! No mullet here!

Yeah, sorry if I made you feel dismissed in this regard (although I don't feel like you're accusing me of this - but if that's how you feel, I really am sorry). I think you've got every right to need to vent. If you can't vent about feeling crappy about autism on an autism forum, where can you? I think I just meant it can be hard to see what other people are hiding, because if those women are really coping that well, it can't really be clinically significant impairment, surely (as someone else said above)? Unless they've somehow discovered all of the magic coping strategies that remove the difficulties completely! In which case, can I have the number of their psychologists? You're not an aberration - you're juggling real difficulties that you didn't ask for, and it sucks that life isn't fair.

@plokijuh

You're OK, don't worry and I'm very grateful that you (and others) are here talking to me. Just firing off a quick response so you know I'm not upset at you at all. I'll respond to the rest of your responses in a tick!

That's totally understandable. Well wishes to your husband--I know what it's like to rely on someone, and when they're taken out it leaves you dead in the water, so to speak.

What type of freelancing do you do? Freelancing would be my ideal line of work, if I had a skill or service people actually wanted (and enough to overlook my age and lack of employment history). Keeping disciplined can be tough, though, especially when you've got other commitments, or are emotionally caught up elsewhere.

Due in part to a lack of social understanding, and in part a tendency for perseveration, whenever someone doesn't respond to me within about three days I immediately think I must have said something wrong. I've been told by plenty of people, both first hand and hearing things on the grapevine, that I'm rude, insensitive, and socially inept (amongst other choice things), so I'm perpetually worried that whatever I say and however I say it is coming across as off-putting in some way. And then I apologise too much, which is equally off-putting,

Weirdos unite! Nah, we're not weird; we just operate on a higher plane and have highly specialised interests, lol.

Alas, an Antipodean I am not, but I have rellies in Australia. They tell me all about the bogans and their mullets, and the drop bears. Can't forget the drop bears! Or those lovely little hunstman spiders who like to hide in your car's dash mirror and base jump onto you the moment you get going. You think they're trying to scare me? I'm hoping to move there, actually, but it's going to take several years to save up enough, as I won't have any sort of income or health care there, not to mention quarantine and vets bills for my pets. Are you living in Aus or NZ, or did you but are now living elsewhere?

By the way, you're welcome to continue this convo via PM if you want?

Hi Agwahnooo,

Sorry for such slow reply. I was definitely not offended. I just had a freak out for a few days after I realised I was behind on syntax readings (I was planning on being all ahead this semester )

I haven't read all the new posts yet. Will be back tonight or, more likely, tomorrow (as I got 4 hours sleep last night, so might fall asleep as soon as I come back from the language chat I'm going to this evening )

No problem at all. I know the freaking out feeling only too well, and when it happens it completely stops me in my tracks and I have to wait for it to pass before I can continue with life. Put yourself first, get some rest and do whatever you gotta do in order to feel less panicked

I'm helping edit a deceased academic's magnum opus. He left 7000 pages of hand-written notes and we're turning it into a 3 volume book! I'm so behind (about 4 months)...I am scared I'm going to be fired soon.



It's ok! I get it (as does @bumbleme evidently). I am exactly the same. I'm mostly told that I'm too intense and it puts people off.


Come to Australia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdihHnaOQsk (pictures of dangerous creatures in vid, by way of warning). But seriously, it really is a great country. If you do come here and are able to get a visa, Medicare covers you for most things.

I live in Australia - born and bred here. Love it here. I live in a rural town, so lots of fresh air and animals. I lived in Sydney for a short time... not the place for me!



I do this, lol! Every semester! I love syntax... I did a unit two years ago on English syntax, and while I've thought a lot about syntax in more inflected languages, I'd not put a lot of thought into the formal dimensions of English. It was fascinating! Have you seen the Oxford Library of English Usage? Its grammar volume, while very prescriptive, is a very good reference. I may have read it from cover to cover...

Hope your language chat went well.

Although it does strike me that this is all a matter of perspective You're Antipodean to me in my locus

I kinda feel like you do. Except I'm 45 instead of 35. I was one of the top students in school and everyone expected a lot, but I ended up doing very little. My classmates were rich and famous. I'm nobody, even though my brain is quite as brilliant as theirs. I worked for a while and it's not exactly a stressful job either, but I ended being sick so I quit. Then I had two babies and stayed at home for 15 years. Mind you being a parent is very stressful, too, adding family dramas and aging parents and grandparent and sick brother, my life almost fell apart a few times. I'm sure I didn't do a good jobs taking care of anybody. Then my husband started cheating because I was sick and anxious and "not normal".

I used to say well at least I got married and raised kids, but neither was done well. I went through awful anxiety and depression and couldn't take much before I was overwhelmed. I can hardly keep my life together sometimes. When I was still deep in depression I went back to college to get a more modern diploma. I'm taking it easy, doing it part time. At first it was hard to get my depressed brain to focus and I started with two easy courses. Eventually I got into stuff I was doing and forget to be depressed for a while. Gradually I found myself looking forward to my classes and doing well in them. I've been in school for a year and half now and got all A's in my classes. It's cheaper than therapy and I get credits. I also made some friends, which is a new horizon for me. Ultimately I want to get a job of course. Probably nothing too stressful because I just can't take it. So, there's hope for me, but I definitely have not accomplished as much as a normal person have, and will probably never do anything too important. I need to accept that I'm an autistic nobody and just enjoy my boring life.

You aren't a nobody. I bet most people couldn't endure even a fraction of what you've gone through without turning into self-pitying attention seekers. They make it seem like the world is ending when the latest i-gadget is out of stock, or little Tarquin doesn't get into an Ivy League college. OK, that's a slight generalization, but you get my jist.

Raising children is no easy feat, and you haven't exactly had things easy otherwise. Depression isn't exactly something you chose, is it? Your (ex?) husband sounds like a total piece of work. Please, please, please don't blame yourself for his failures as a human being. Real men don't bully and belittle their wives and the mothers of their children, and project their own failings onto them. I'd cut yourself some slack.

FWIW, I doubt I'll even live to 45. Just not worth it, given my situation. You're still fighting, and that's admirable. You have my admiration anyway .

I am honored, thank you