Living in fear

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Yes, it feels like its been my constant unwanted companion all through life. Between the fear generated by awful sensory issues and feeling on the fringes a lot socially amongst many other things I struggle with fear a lot. I hate it.

Fear of failure and rejection

Some fears are completely irrational

Some fears are too specific

Some fears are justified in some situations

Everyone is at the mercy of other precious lil "people" (outnumbered, overpowered, outsmarted)

Precious lil "people" have grossly misunderstood my worthless corpse so many times. The consequences were sometimes drastic

For example, some defendants get framed and convicted and sent to jail. (That is a misunderstanding and a rejection). (That fear is rational)

I feel fear constantly. Most of the time I don't know why. I just feel like I need to run away but there is nowhere to run away to because the fear will always go with me. It's really quite exhausting.

I'm so sorry to hear that! I had times in my life like that, as well. There could be lots of different things that help. Most go the pharmaceutical route, but you could also check more "natural" things. Like I use Lemon Balm tea when I can't sleep. I also gave up caffeine because I figured out it was starting to leave me more and more anxious all the time, as I got older. Good luck to you

Thanks RadioDog. I too am a great believer in herbal tea. I've cut down on caffeine but I think it might be time to cut it out altogether. I did that when I was younger, and before I had any clue that I might have Asperger's, and it was helpful.

I used to have really bad anxiety. I think a few things that helped: figuring out what people were actually up to, surviving a situation that was a perfect storm of all of my worst high school experiences as an adult (and not being defeated), and then finding CBD which for me is a lot like neurontin.

While I tend to have less anxiety now I'm more prone to what I'd think of as existential rage. If things are really going bad on a given day and I'm worried about my future I tend to blaspheme existence, the universe, the human condition, my being created, etc.. It's not good but I can tell that a lot of times what's happening - I'm being placed in unwinnable situation, things are being stacked on high, and I'm furious that I practically have to damage myself to save face (such as working incredibly long hours under high stress - in survival mode). I also tend to rage about what people are perfectly winning to do to each other.

I can't tell if this is necessarily always the case but I'm coming to the conclusion that depression and anxiety, at least if they're not hormonally related, seem more related to mismatches of expectation and surprise. For example when I was depressed I also was of the opinion that other people were living the life that I dreamed of living - learning that this wasn't the case and that this world is hell for most people in different ways caused that to change shape. Similarly when I stopped seeing people as dangerously crazy and obtuse and at high odds of constantly understanding it and I instead took up the realization that they knew exactly what they were doing and that it's what they wanted to do (ie. Machiavellianism), that dropped my anxiety but at the same time the anxiety transmuted to anger.

Us Aspies do tend to have lots of fears that are at least partly due to various problems we faced in our lives & problems with others as a result of living in a world that is not designed for us. Lots of others would probably think that some of my fears are very irrational but some of them were caused by situations I was actually in so to me they are very reasonable & justified. OCD & anxiety meds have helped me a lot but they just took the edge off so I could try & deal with things in better ways. Taking reasonable steps to try & address the causes of my fears helped a lot as well in some ways. The causes are not always easy or even possible to correct but I deal with things as best I can. I like or maybe even need predictability & routine for a reason. I can be a great strategist in the workplace 1ce I know the usual routines & way things usually go because I come up with plans & steps that help me minimize potential problems. I know I am horrible at thinking on my feet & winging it due to my mind processing things very slowly & having the various plans in back my mind to cover various scenarios helps me feel more relaxed. However if something completely different were to suddenly come up I would be thrown for a major loop & need guidance & direction but if I know that the guidance & direction would be available to me should I need it, I feel a lot more relaxed. Being on this forum has been a major help to me because I learned various things that helped me cope better in life. The more understanding & knowledge I have about things, the better I am at dealing.

When I was 27 I was consumed with fear -- fear of never getting married, fear of getting fired from my job, fear of missing out on life. It all got to be so much for me that I had what amounted to a nervous breakdown. Today I have a much better understanding of myself than I did pre-diagnosis so I understand that my fears were not as irrational as they seemed back then.

I’ve been living in that condition for many years, till I found out I was suffering from OCD/intrusive thoughts.
I found out I’ve ben bullied buy some people hat has been using Gasligting to make me feel bad, and used it for some kind of brain washing.
I would suggest that you read the tread, you will find a lot of the signs I found out by the years. I guess it is a big risk for us autistic to be subjects for gasligters trying to take advantage off uss.
If you lock in this post you’ll find information about gaslighting.

Board index › Age/Gender related discussions › In-Depth Adult Life Discussion
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT there are two links to interesting articles about gaslighting.
If Youtube put the Numbers 369759 in searches you Will fins the fight topic With the links to gaslighting.