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IsabellaLinton
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01 Feb 2019, 10:46 am

This man is grooming you.

He is trying to break down your barriers systematically with a casual approach. If I were you I would cut all contact. Who cares about his desire to network. Protect yourself. If he touches you again, becomes too personal or makes you uncomfortable, advise the bus driver, and refuse to get off the bus with him. He has no business commenting about your physical appearance, putting his hands on you in any way, or steering your direction and choices.

You do not need to invent a boyfriend to protect yourself, because you can do this on your own.

Source: My life.


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Summer_Twilight
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01 Feb 2019, 10:57 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
This man is grooming you.

He is trying to break down your barriers systematically with a casual approach. If I were you I would cut all contact. Who cares about his desire to network. Protect yourself. If he touches you again, becomes too personal or makes you uncomfortable, advise the bus driver, and refuse to get off the bus with him. He has no business commenting about your physical appearance, putting his hands on you in any way, or steering your direction and choices.

You do not need to invent a boyfriend to protect yourself, because you can do this on your own.

Source: My life.


Actually, I am the one who offered an olive branch in regards to networking with this man because of his background in careers. I also agree with you because after what happened yesterday, I have decided to cut off all contact with him. That is why I am riding the earlier bus so I don't have to put up with him. If I do have to ride with him, I will be assertive with him along with ignoring him altogether while not waving, saying hello etc. This man is very strong and I am not going to let him groom me like that and nor am I doing to put up with that.



IsabellaLinton
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01 Feb 2019, 11:19 am

You shouldn't need to alter your personal schedule by taking an earlier bus to avoid this person. That's an inconvenience on your part, but I agree it's worth it for the time being.

If you see him again (and I'm certain you will), snap a candid photo from afar. Print the photo and keep it somewhere accessible at home, or send it to a trusted friend with a brief explanation about what is going on. Document any times he touches you or refuses to take 'no' for an answer. Backdate your notes if you can. Include the bus route information or anything else you know about him. If anything malicious comes of this, the history will be important.

I hope I'm overreacting, but your story has given me a panic attack. He's being insidious and he is 100% grooming you, even if he's doing it subconsciously. You need to be proactive.


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Summer_Twilight
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01 Feb 2019, 11:42 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
You shouldn't need to alter your personal schedule by taking an earlier bus to avoid this person. That's an inconvenience on your part, but I agree it's worth it for the time being.

If you see him again (and I'm certain you will), snap a candid photo from afar. Print the photo and keep it somewhere accessible at home, or send it to a trusted friend with a brief explanation about what is going on. Document any times he touches you or refuses to take 'no' for an answer. Backdate your notes if you can. Include the bus route information or anything else you know about him. If anything malicious comes of this, the history will be important.

I hope I'm overreacting, but your story has given me a panic attack. He's being insidious and he is 100% grooming you, even if he's doing it subconsciously. You need to be proactive.


Oh no, this man began making my skin crawl and made me feel sick yesterday after I saw what his agenda is. I also have mobile app for the transit authorities that I can report to if I see him again



IsabellaLinton
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01 Feb 2019, 11:51 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
You shouldn't need to alter your personal schedule by taking an earlier bus to avoid this person. That's an inconvenience on your part, but I agree it's worth it for the time being.

If you see him again (and I'm certain you will), snap a candid photo from afar. Print the photo and keep it somewhere accessible at home, or send it to a trusted friend with a brief explanation about what is going on. Document any times he touches you or refuses to take 'no' for an answer. Backdate your notes if you can. Include the bus route information or anything else you know about him. If anything malicious comes of this, the history will be important.

I hope I'm overreacting, but your story has given me a panic attack. He's being insidious and he is 100% grooming you, even if he's doing it subconsciously. You need to be proactive.


Oh no, this man began making my skin crawl and made me feel sick yesterday after I saw what his agenda is. I also have mobile app for the transit authorities that I can report to if I see him again


I must admit it's making me sick too, because I know the agenda far too well. I fell prey to something similar and although I may be overreacting, it's best to trust your gut feelings.

Quite often the wedding ring is fake, just to give him an air of credibility or innocence. It gives him subtle power. Most men who are actually married don't even wear a wedding ring every day, if at all.

Be safe. You're doing everything right so far. Hugs.


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Summer_Twilight
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01 Feb 2019, 12:29 pm

In the email I sent him with all the networks, I introduced him to a friend who also does a lot of networking but he ignored him and told me "It's nice to meet you and you are nice and easy to talk you." 8O (Red flag). He also looked up an event that I will be a part of in March and talked about how significant it is while talking about how I am self-motivated.



IsabellaLinton
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01 Feb 2019, 12:43 pm

This is getting creepier by the moment and hitting a bit too close to home. Block him from your email and / or any other form of communication including text etc., immediately. Change your mobile number if blocking him is unsuccessful. It's a pain but it's usually free of charge, and I've done it myself. If you think he is creeping your Facebook or other social media, block him, block public access to your "Friends" List, amp your security settings and / or change your account name. If he has access to your work address (via an email signature), advise the HR department where you work in case he comes onto the property. He can't be restricted from most premises without a court order but I would certainly make this known.

He's a big boy. He can use LinkedIn to network. He doesn't need to be involving you, or causing you stress of this magnitude.

PM me if there are any additional problems but my advice is to be extremely proactive if you feel this level of concern.


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Summer_Twilight
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02 Feb 2019, 4:23 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
This is getting creepier by the moment and hitting a bit too close to home. Block him from your email and / or any other form of communication including text etc., immediately. Change your mobile number if blocking him is unsuccessful. It's a pain but it's usually free of charge, and I've done it myself. If you think he is creeping your Facebook or other social media, block him, block public access to your "Friends" List, amp your security settings and / or change your account name. If he has access to your work address (via an email signature), advise the HR department where you work in case he comes onto the property. He can't be restricted from most premises without a court order but I would certainly make this known.

He's a big boy. He can use LinkedIn to network. He doesn't need to be involving you, or causing you stress of this magnitude.

PM me if there are any additional problems but my advice is to be extremely proactive if you feel this level of concern.


Thank you very much :D IsabellaLinton and I will be sure to talk to my boss about and show them his picture which I now have a copy of. I notified the bus company so they can contact the driver about him and I am gathering every bit of evidence including the email. I am going to talk to the security guards about him as well in case he tries to set foot on the property. If he calls my number, I will hang up on him and then call security.



Alita
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03 Feb 2019, 12:07 pm

Go with your gut.


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Summer_Twilight
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04 Feb 2019, 8:24 am

Alita wrote:
Go with your gut.


I started trusting my gut the moment the second time I commuted with him because he started pushing the envelope slowly by.
1. One second time, I had my headphones and my eyes closed and he tapped my foot to get my attention as he sat next to me
2. He wanted to be with me both on the bus and the train and the commutes got longer each day
3. By the 4th time, he started controlling me by telling me to wait for everyone to get off the bus so we would get off together. Then he tried steering me into that car
4. He started asking me personal information that I am not going to stay in the city forever am I and why I have short hair. -People who ask those kinds of questions are turn-offs.



IsabellaLinton
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04 Feb 2019, 8:35 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:

I started trusting my gut the moment the second time I commuted with him because he started pushing the envelope slowly by.
1. One second time, I had my headphones and my eyes closed and he tapped my foot to get my attention as he sat next to me


??! ! Why??! ! Were you on fire or something??


Summer_Twilight wrote:
2. He wanted to be with me both on the bus and the train and the commutes got longer each day.


"He wanted to be with me...." :eew: :help: :hmph: 8O

Summer_Twilight wrote:
3. By the 4th time, he started controlling me by telling me to wait for everyone to get off the bus so we would get off together. Then he tried steering me into that car


Read between the words.


Summer_Twilight wrote:
4. He started asking me personal information that I am not going to stay in the city forever am I and why I have short hair. -People who ask those kinds of questions are turn-offs FREAKS!


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kraftiekortie
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04 Feb 2019, 9:23 am

No normal man would do the things this person was doing.

I certainly wouldn’t do these things. And I’m a heterosexual man.

Him steering you into a car: BIG red flag.

Stay away. Be very assertive in telling him to stay away. Threaten him with the police. I hope you didn’t give him your address.



Summer_Twilight
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04 Feb 2019, 2:16 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
No normal man would do the things this person was doing.

I certainly wouldn’t do these things. And I’m a heterosexual man.

Him steering you into a car: BIG red flag.

Stay away. Be very assertive in telling him to stay away. Threaten him with the police. I hope you didn’t give him your address.


No, just my work information for the sake of networking because as a colleague of mine told me today, we like to help people in the community but be aware that sometimes people will take advantage of you. They said that people can do things like what he was doing to me out of loneliness or another issue they aren't aware of. I also explained the networking party when he ignored my other networks but just wanted to talk to me. She said that there are people who aren't interested but pretend to because they want something else.

She suggested avoiding him and not telling him anything other than "I am not comfortable and this is not a good time to talk" while staying away from him. She said that I don't need to be polite and just ignore him and if he continues, keep telling him, "I'm not comfortable."



Summer_Twilight
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04 Feb 2019, 6:55 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:

I started trusting my gut the moment the second time I commuted with him because he started pushing the envelope slowly by.
1. One second time, I had my headphones and my eyes closed and he tapped my foot to get my attention as he sat next to me


??! ! Why??! ! Were you on fire or something??


Summer_Twilight wrote:
2. He wanted to be with me both on the bus and the train and the commutes got longer each day.


"He wanted to be with me...." :eew: :help: :hmph: 8O

Summer_Twilight wrote:
3. By the 4th time, he started controlling me by telling me to wait for everyone to get off the bus so we would get off together. Then he tried steering me into that car


Read between the words.


Summer_Twilight wrote:
4. He started asking me personal information that I am not going to stay in the city forever am I and why I have short hair. -People who ask those kinds of questions are turn-offs FREAKS!
]

Lol, I not only felt sick after number 4 in which I walked away from him but it also reminded me of rotting meat in a garbage can on a hot summer day before the trash gets taken out. I could almost smell it too.



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07 Feb 2019, 7:17 am

I agree with kraftie. It sounds like he's interested in more than friendship with you. As for as the wedding ring goes, he could be a widower. He is in his 60s after all so it's more possible he had a wife who died than if he was in his 20s. Either way you don't want a relationship with him so you need to set boundaries, try to avoid him, & don't hesitate to be direct when he crosses a line again.


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Summer_Twilight
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07 Feb 2019, 8:30 am

nick007 wrote:
I agree with kraftie. It sounds like he's interested in more than friendship with you. As for as the wedding ring goes, he could be a widower. He is in his 60s after all so it's more possible he had a wife who died than if he was in his 20s. Either way you don't want a relationship with him so you need to set boundaries, try to avoid him, & don't hesitate to be direct when he crosses a line again.


He did talk about an ex-wife but he still had a wedding ring on.