Struggling with hating myself for being weird

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It depends what you want to do in life.

I used to be the exact same way as you years ago, I was always hanging out in metal bars with the goths and other creatures we'd find in there. This type of life was great because you'd always find plenty people into all that.

Thing is though, all this you're into you will eventually grow out of and get bored of it. I certainly did very quickly when I hit 25+ Give it 10 years you'll be a totally different person to who you are now.

Now, you need to decide who you want to be in life, you say you don't want to be like all these boring normal people etc. But have you ever thought as to why they are like that in the first place? Mate I would walk around town with bright purple hair any day in a onesie but I won't do that now simply because it'd ruin job opportunities and in the society we are forced to be apart of wether we like it or not - people will not take me seriously like that. So that is why people conform to the s**t society we live in, because everything is about opportunity and money.

These days I dress like a slim hot blonde girl, the amount of job opportunities and money I get benefits my life massively, I'm a goth at heart though, I f****n hate pink but I wear it and embrace it because it gets me ahead in life. People notice me and stare at me from far away, why? Because I do what I know works to get me ahead in that regard, same with personality, I act a certain way which I know is how everyone else seems to act - polite and vanilla but with lots of interesting facts. Not infront of people who matter though.

You meet friends along the way when you chase the money, they just appear out of the woodwork. I have a ton of friends I've known from sooo many workplaces over the years who are like my best friends who are all weirdos at heart but we play the game to get the money. It's kind of like roleplay in an odd way, like when I'm alone with friends or my partner we can be free to just be our weird selves but we present ourselves as what is popular in society because of all the money it brings. And money in this life is basically survival, the more you have of it the easier your life is.

I'm not saying you can't get ahead by looking "weird" or having tattoos or anything like that by the way - I'm saying it simply makes it easier to just pretend to be "normal" but around the people who matter the real you can shine.

beware the " thought police" people whom wish to firect your thinking , sapping some parts of peoples creativity .. quite interesting seeing other people noticing these differences occuring aswell
withcovid and stuffs like that , ties between people seem to wax and wanes in odd ways at odd times. Things change they always do not necessarily in the time or way , we might like them too

I related so much to your post, I can't say I like all of the things your into. But I have always loved 80s music and my attention was always captured by things that are considered strange or niche.

I have had so many niche interests growing up and I played around with different identities and finding ways to fit in. I became really reclusive in my mid to late 20s. I tried hard to fit in during the day when I was working or in class by dressing nicely, wearing make-up, and sticking to topics of conversation I know will be agreeable. I lost contact with a lot of friends as well and I struggled with my identity.

I realize now I like the things that I like and I have a personality that is all my own. I am starting to learn through different resources how to accept myself and not beat myself up over all of the interesting things I like. I have always been the one who was accused of trying too hard to be different, but I realize now those sorts of comments don't really matter. The only times I was trying too hard to be anything was when I was trying to fit-in with everyone else.

I know as an adult I will have to fit it and conform at work and other places where I need to be professional. I read about relevant topics and stick to pieces of my personality and interests I know will be agreeable, but I make sure I am not this person all the time.

I am learning it is okay to be weird and to embrace my personality and special interests. Life is too short to be constantly worried about fitting-in and being too self-critical.

Hello Cherryglitter,

You sound like me when I was in my twenties. I'm 45 now. I think you should embrace your interests and see where they take you. There's nothing wrong with liking things. I've butted heads with my parents, too. They're from another generation and they aren't going to understand you how you want them to, unfortunately.

Are you working? Can you work in the literary field, or in a store that sells the things you like? That's what I do now. I don't work as much as I'd like to, but I enjoy fashion and I can lose myself in that. You'll be happier if you can pursue your interests. It's harder for people on the spectrum. We think a little more than other people do. We don't always react correctly.

You have to build up your confidence because you have a long road ahead. I started learning how to knit in my twenties. I watched cooking shows. I read books that I wanted to read, and it was nice, because in high school and college it was always what my teachers and professors picked out. I enjoyed some of what I had to read for school, but not all of it.

I also dated in my twenties. You might find a good guy. But for any guy to like and appreciate you, you have to like yourself first. No matter what your mom says. It's about you now.

Are the ghost hunters shushing the ghosts. Or the people watching their program. Lol...

I used to hate myself so much. I'd swing between being damn proud of how weird I am to being deeply ashamed of how weird I am. The weirdness sometimes manifests as creativity or unexpected humor, which makes people like me and makes me proud to be unique. But then the weirdness sometimes manifests as interest in something really fringe, or a preference for doing things that others find unappealing, and then people don't like me and I feel bad about myself.

To be honest, I still do hate myself sometimes. Finding out I have ASD has been monumental in allowing me to be kinder to myself and to forgive myself. I sometimes still "forget" that I have trouble with some things because I am autistic, and fall back into old habits of thinking I'm a stupid jerk who doesn't deserve good things. But then I remember and that level of perspective is enough to curb the worst of the self-loathing.

As annoying as it is to hear this, it's also extremely true: this changes as you get older. I remember my mid-20s so clearly. I was so unhappy. But now....I just don't care as much anymore. When I do care, it can still hurt and I may still feel bad about myself. It just happens WAY less often.

Life is unpredictable but the only certainty is change. This too shall pass, all things fall apart, etc. The constant change and impermanence of things is scary but it's also the greatest gift. Things may not necessarily get better when you are older, but I guarantee that they will be different.

It's painful to be judged and rejected by people who don't understand or agree with you, but no matter what you do, there will be people who judge and reject you. That is unfortunately also inevitable. But that's their problem. If you do what you enjoy, you will at least be having a good time before the people come along and judge and reject you.

"thin line between love and hate"

When you love something you waste time and energy thinking about it

When you hate something you waste time and energy thinking about it

Love and hate are not opposites

Apathetic is the opposite