Am I being silly?

Post Reply New Topic

Yes. I liked the sea and it de-stressed me.

No.

I think you are being very reasonable. You’ve made it abundantly clear that you have an issue wearing boots others have worn as thus they are not to wear yours. Ever. Them dismissing & disregarding your boundaries and request is Very disrespectful on their part.

At this point, I would be demanding that my brother pay for the next pair I had to buy if I were you. Since it only costs you time and money, he’s not taking you seriously. I’d flat out tell my brother & whomever else had been doing this to bring $x with them to cover the expense that I cannot afford to keep incurring just because they want to be disrespectful, or don’t bother coming around to visit. Ever again. And I’d stick to it, too. F them and their rudeness/taking advantage of you & costing you money you don’t have.

IF my brothers had done this to me And it came to this situation where o had to get Mad and demand payment to cover expenses, they’d realize right quick I’m dead serious, would apologize, and open their wallets to make amends. I’d expect to hear some crap about not realizing it bothered me so much or that it was such a big deal and there’d probably be a whole lot of me shouting things at them like “Why TF do you think I keep telling you that then??? Did I stutter? Am I talking to the wind?? FFS pay attention you as*hole.” And then they’d pay me & we’d be on good terms again. But then they would Know I’m serious and won’t f**k around with my boots anymore.

It’s all about boundaries & consequences. You’ve told them what your boundaries are, but there have been no consequences for ignoring them, so, they continue their behaviour. Only you can say “enough is enough,” and put a stop to it. People will treat you how you let them treat you.

The problem is in this case that it was my nephew who used my boots and has done so many times. It is my brother who sees nothing wrong with this and kinda over rides me by saying I am in one of my moods again, so my nephew ignores that I have said it.
Because my brother sees nothing wrong with others wearing his boots (If he was not wearing them) he thinks I am over reacting.
Sometimes it is the way I find out that my boots have been worn. Like when I find my boots missing, or the few times I have put my boots on only to find they are wet inside and have mud bits in them (I have sensitive feet so a tiny bit of grit I can feel and it irritates me) so I have to wash them out and it takes days until I can wear them again.
About 10 to 15 years ago I got so fed up I bought two pairs of new wellies and then found that both pairs werw being borrowed without my permission so I bought a third pair (As by then the two pairs which did have lots of life in them left, had started to leak a little...) but as my new pair had no leaks I found them being borrowed as well and the others I had bought were left for me to wear! I was really annoyed and I was told off for being annoyed about it by my other brother whos sons had borrowed them. The boot situation where I have had to buy new boots has gone on for a while. Yet the previous pairs get put in the trunk (And old sailors tea chest) which has a heavy lid and as they are just slung in there, the boots eventually crack where they have folded when the lid shuts on them... My arguament here is all my brothers nieces and nephews should have their own boots and bring them when they come, but they never do... And this is part of the problem. Around here is all mud. We live in the countryside. My nephew lives in a town where there is no mud. He is staying for a week as he can't cope at home or in school. He only brought his brand new canvas shoe things that he said cost £50 (They would cost a huge amount less if they were not classed as a fasion item, but his Mum seems to fall for whatever is in fashion) and so he came up here without suitable footware and is not supposed to get them dirty.

Anyway. I have been to a river today and stood in it for about 20 minutes in a shallower area to test my new wellies in the rain holding my umbrella.... They are fine. I am happy.

Last edited by Mountain Goat on 14 Nov 2020, 3:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.

No pun intended here but they really are not putting themselves in your shoes (metaphorically ). Even if they may not mind if others wear their things, you do mind and you have expressed that enough times to them. Some people don't like others wearing their things, and that is understandable. The boots are your property and you use them a lot so you have every right to be pissed off if they inexplicably take your boots to wear them and not even feel bad that you've had to go out and buy yourself more pairs of boots, only for them to do all over again.

As a suggestion, could you possibly give them your old pairs of boots to keep so that they don't keep borrowing your boots in the future?

Then it’s your brother I’d be demanding payment from if I were you, not your nephew.

I’d make it abundantly clear that this isn’t a mood. It’s a personal boundary, and I’ve expressed it many times, you ignore it and it costs me money to replace my boots. So, pay the f*****g bill or never bother visiting again because I’m not interested in the stress you cause by ignoring me nor the recurring expense of replacing my boots, you as*hole. Yes, that is EXACTLY, how I would speak to any of my siblings that caused my such grief and cost me money by dismissing the personal boundaries I’ve been crystal clear about. They’d realize right quick that I’m dead serious and pay the bill & then that would be the end of that behaviour. Problem solved.

Alternatively, if they did not want to accept responsibility for being in the wrong (which they very clearly are) and opted not to visit & this never stole my boots again, Also problem solved.

But chances are they’d accept that they keep costing me money and it’s on them to pay the bill because THEY f****d up. You letting them get away with it over and over is why they keep doing it & the problem, stress, and expense keeps recurring.

It was my nephew who wears them.

All is ok as I have my new wellies.

..as taught be his father that it’s okay to disregard your wishes.

If your nephew is old enough to have a job, then he should pay for them. If he isn’t and doesn’t have his own money, it’s on his father to pay the bill, especially since it’s your brother who’s taught his son that it’s ok to ignore your boundaries.

My other brother is his Dad. My nephew is still in school. His final year.

Old enough to know better And to have a part time/summer job for the last few years. If I were you I’d be collecting for the bill. If your nephew has the cash, he should pay it. If he doesn’t, his father should pay it and he should work it off and repay him.

IMO.

That’s exactly how I’d expect the scenario to play out of my nephew or one of his step brothers pulled that crap on me - especially if they Knew they were not supposed to wear my boots, which it sounds like your nephew was well aware, he just doesn’t respect your wishes. So, it should cost him money, not you. It’s irrelevant if They think it’s okay to share boots - it’s not his/their boots in question. Actions, consequences. By Not holding him responsible you and his father are doing him a disservice and teaching him that disrespect is acceptable and there are no consequences for his actions that cost other people money - especially money that they cannot afford.

Your boundaries are your boundaries. You are as entitled to them as he is to his. He'd probably have a huge problem with you using his toothbrush, and that would mean that you shouldn't, right? Regardless of whether you'd have a problem with it, it's his toothbrush so it's his boundary, right?
If the problem continues, maybe you should use his toothbrush next time you visit him. I know, that sounds gross, but only because you're thinking of using his toothbrush to clean your TEETH. Toothbrushes are capable of cleaning pretty much anything...