Are my parents right about this?

Page 2 of 3 [ 35 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

babybird
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 76,127
Location: UK

23 Oct 2021, 11:08 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

There’s nothing wrong with going to a pub. Not all pub patrons are nasty people. It’s fun to play trivia games in them, or pool. I don’t play pool for money, though.

But the “regulars” of certain pubs tend to be the sorts of people who find weaknesses in other people, and exploit them. I feel those folks see you as a “target,” so they call you names like “pedophile,” even though there’s no reason to believe you’re a pedophile.

I’d rather just stay home and be lonely…than be lonely around a bunch of bitter people while spending lots of money.

I can't imagine why anyone going to a pub alone would be targeted as a paedophile. If I was in a pub with or without friends and I saw a person (male or female) on their own I seriously wouldn't think twice about it.

You might call someone a paedophile for hanging around the school gates looking for children but there's very little inside a pub that would attract a paedophile.

_________________
We have existence

Flown
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 19 Sep 2016
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 2,044
Location: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

23 Oct 2021, 11:28 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:

A few months ago you posted that you were going to stop hanging around in pubs.

You said that it wasn't helping and you were going to try something different for meeting people.

So I guess a good question would be why he is continuing to go to a place that has consistently made him miserable.

_________________
ૂི•̮͡• ૂ ྀ

Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,940
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

23 Oct 2021, 12:43 pm

Jamesy wrote:

I live in the UK

My parents told me that regurley once a week hanging around at the same bar/pub on your own for 2 or 3 hours in the evening is a weird thing to do.

Do you think my parents are right or not?

It is a weird thing to do considering it seems for whatever reason you've gotten a bad reputation there/people there don't care for you much.

At the very least maybe you could try a different pub, try and get a fresh start. But really maybe you should find a more fulfilling activity than sitting at a bar drinking.

_________________
We won't go back.

babybird
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 76,127
Location: UK

23 Oct 2021, 1:35 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

Jamesy wrote:

OK so I must have missed something from a different thread maybe. Why did he get a bad reputation at this pub?

_________________
We have existence

kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

24 Oct 2021, 11:32 pm

I think because he seems like a target to them. Probably no other reason.

Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,416
Location: Near London United Kingdom

25 Oct 2021, 4:58 pm

DuckHairback wrote:

Regularly: Most people do things regularly.
Hanging around a bar/pub: Lots of people do that, not weird
Once a week: Lots of people go to bars/pubs more regularly than that.
2-3 hours: Seems about right
On your own: Ahhh, yes. I see.

A lot of people seem to think anybody doing anything 'on their own' is weird. I go camping on my own - I've been told that's weird. I go to the skatepark on my own. I guess that must be a bit weird for a 40-something else there'd be others doing it. I've been to restaurants on my own - that certainly feels weird.

There's something though, about going to a pub/bar on your own that I think people would feel is at odds with the purpose of those places. They're social places. People tend to be there to socialise. I have my suspicions that actually the socialising is really just an excuse for drinking alcohol, but that's another thing.

So I'd say they're right that it's weird, in the sense that it's unusual. But the real question is, is the fact that it's weird important? Are you hurting anyone? Are you hurting yourself?

What do you do when you're at the pub/bar? Do you meet people, talk to strangers? Do you just sit and drink alone? What do you get out of it? Do you like it?

In the past I have sat on my own by the of chance someone I know might turn up. I do go to a nearby pub every Friday and Saturday and hang out with a group of regulars there and 2 members in the group though don’t like me at the moment.

Can I just add as well if that you go to a bar/pub and mooch around on your own surrounded by 18 year olds when in your late 20s some people can think that is pedophile behaviour. 4 years ago when I was 28 and I was quite mentally ill (before I started taking my medication) and every Friday and Saturday I would hang around the local nightclubs trying to get attention from younger females. Yes I know very creepy and predatory behaviour on my part and I feel ashamed of that behaviour looking back :oops:

Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,449
Location: New York City (Queens)

26 Oct 2021, 2:50 am

Jamesy wrote:

Can I just add as well if that you go to a bar/pub and mooch around on your own surrounded by 18 year olds when in your late 20s some people can think that is pedophile behaviour. 4 years ago when I was 28 and I was quite mentally ill (before I started taking my medication) and every Friday and Saturday I would hang around the local nightclubs trying to get attention from younger females. Yes I know very creepy and predatory behaviour on my part and I feel ashamed of that behaviour looking back :oops:

"Creepy and predatory" though it may be, it's still not "pedophile" behavior. Even if the 18-year-olds are considerably younger than you, they're still of legal age, are they not? Some people really over-use the word "pedophile."

_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.

babybird
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 76,127
Location: UK

26 Oct 2021, 11:02 am

I've seen grown men (and women) hanging around street corners with teenagers. Now I see that as quite dubious and often wonder what the hell is going on but hanging around in a pub with adults is different.

If you're getting drunk and imposing yourself on groups of strangers then that is odd behaviour and not really socially acceptable.

People would probably think you are weird if you are doing that.

_________________
We have existence

Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,416
Location: Near London United Kingdom

26 Oct 2021, 11:52 am

babybird wrote:

what do you mean imposing yourself on?

babybird
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 76,127
Location: UK

26 Oct 2021, 12:25 pm

Maybe I used the wrong word there.

I mean intruding in on groups of people where you are not really wanted.

It's happened to me when I've been out with friends. Like they'll be a guy on his own in the pub and he's had a few drinks and he starts coming over talking to you like he knows you. I don't think it's weird but more annoying because he's unwanted in the group, nobody knows him and it is a bit worrying especially if you're in a group of girls.

_________________
We have existence

Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,416
Location: Near London United Kingdom

26 Oct 2021, 12:40 pm

babybird wrote:

yeah I have done that on nights out on my own

babybird
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 76,127
Location: UK

26 Oct 2021, 1:17 pm

It would definitely make people feel a bit wary of you. And if people are drinking then it would also make it more likely that certain people might end up calling you names or starting trouble with you.

Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with going out on your own but you need to look after yourself and your own reputation as well.

Have you thought of having one drink and then moving on to a different pub? Just to give yourself a bit of variety as well as protecting yourself from being seen as the loner in the corner who just sits there all night watching everyone.

_________________
We have existence

Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,416
Location: Near London United Kingdom

26 Oct 2021, 1:27 pm

babybird wrote:

I don’t go go to that bar very much these days. I am at another nearby pub and hang out with the regulars there on the weekend.

2 of the regulars in my friendship group are not to fond of me though at the moment.

babybird
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 76,127
Location: UK

26 Oct 2021, 1:29 pm

What did you fall out about?

_________________
We have existence

Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,416
Location: Near London United Kingdom

26 Oct 2021, 1:55 pm

babybird wrote:

What did you fall out about?

Not a hundred percent sure actually? I know one evening I went to the pub and this one guy in the group said to me “what have you got to say for yourself then?”

Didn’t have a clue what he meant by that?

babybird
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 76,127
Location: UK

26 Oct 2021, 1:59 pm

That's a bit strange.

It'd be interesting to find out what he meant. Are you in a position to ask him what the problem is?

_________________
We have existence

Page 2 of 3 [ 35 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3 Next

Jump to:

Are my parents right about this? Post Reply New Topic

Are my parents right about this?