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What do you do when asked to make a sudden decision?

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KitLily
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23 Dec 2022, 9:00 am

Quantum duck wrote:
I say no.

But I’m married, so I don’t worry about being alone. Living with another person is a lot of social time!

Maybe in situations like walk with our coffee: “I’d love to, but unfortunately I can’t” you could “explain” with “I’ve been having some issues with my blood sugar.” Or such.


I'm married too but one other person isn't enough to make a social life, I need more input, more people to chat to, more ideas and fun. And what happens if I'm widowed? I'd have no one else...

That sounds like a good phrase to use indeed :) I'll try and simplify things.


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beady
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23 Dec 2022, 10:05 am

I know what you mean - this is my worst scenario. Oftentimes, when I am pressed for a quick response is when what I say unknowingly comes out all wrong,

Since your issue is pretty specific - don’t add stress and strain to this event - you can gently say something general like ... “I had trouble sleeping last night” - or if you want to be more clear for the future...”I’m not much of a walker”. It’s true, some folks will dismiss you for the future since you aren’t up to the extra exertion, but this may have to be, since there is not a time in the foreseeable future when you will be up for it,



Quantum duck
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23 Dec 2022, 10:53 am

Lol! I am an extreme introvert. I am usually relieved when Dh calls to say he won’t be home for dinner.

There are groups for widows.



KitLily
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23 Dec 2022, 12:25 pm

beady wrote:
I know what you mean - this is my worst scenario. Oftentimes, when I am pressed for a quick response is when what I say unknowingly comes out all wrong,

Since your issue is pretty specific - don’t add stress and strain to this event - you can gently say something general like ... “I had trouble sleeping last night” - or if you want to be more clear for the future...”I’m not much of a walker”. It’s true, some folks will dismiss you for the future since you aren’t up to the extra exertion, but this may have to be, since there is not a time in the foreseeable future when you will be up for it,


That is a good idea. Keep things general and simple.


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KitLily
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23 Dec 2022, 12:29 pm

Quantum duck wrote:
Lol! I am an extreme introvert. I am usually relieved when Dh calls to say he won’t be home for dinner.

There are groups for widows.


Gosh I don't want to be relegated to a group for widows when/if it happens. I want a network of loving and supportive friends long before that. Even 3 friends would be enough. My husband is very popular and has lots of friends, he'd be fine if I died. But I wish I didn't have just the one person to rely on.

My dad died when I was 13 and my mum never married again. It's easy to feel invincible when happily married but when you're widowed it's very lonely and you wish you had some friends.


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Silence23
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23 Dec 2022, 1:33 pm

My default answer is always "no". Though taking social advice from a schizoid is probably not the best idea :D

Maybe you can call them back later, after you made a decision? Like first say no, and then call them back after a few minutes or so.


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KitLily
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24 Dec 2022, 4:41 am

Silence23 wrote:
My default answer is always "no". Though taking social advice from a schizoid is probably not the best idea :D

Maybe you can call them back later, after you made a decision? Like first say no, and then call them back after a few minutes or so.


Good idea, but these events are usually right there, right now in a café or the street, in my face. On the spur of the moment, like normal people can do and I can't.

Them: 'We're going to do this RIGHT NOW. Are you coming with us?' Me: 'um, er, um, er' (not wanting to be a party pooper and say no)

I suppose I'll have to get used to saying 'no' as a default. If I appear to be a party pooper, so be it.


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Quantum duck
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24 Dec 2022, 6:53 am

See, I’m thinking “group for windows - we’d have something in common! Also, probably all looking for friends.”

To be honest, sometimes I wish I had friends. I do have people with whom I socialize and converse at times, but that is not the same. But most of the time maintaining friendships is just too much work. If you want supportive friends you can lean on, you are just going to have to be honest and see who sticks around.



KitLily
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24 Dec 2022, 9:48 am

I used to have friends in my teens and twenties! Where did those supportive people go eh? I used to be quite popular when I was young. But I suppose marriage and children just made me isolated and lonely and I never made any more friends. Oh well.

I assumed when I got married that we'd make 'couple friends' like my parents did. My dad would make a friend at work and invite him round to our house. He would bring his wife and so there would be two couples socialising. Or of course my mum would make a friend at work and invite her round with her husband.

That doesn't seem to happen anymore. My husband goes out with his friends. I don't have any friends to go out with.

:shrug:


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Mona Pereth
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01 Jan 2023, 1:11 am

KitLily wrote:
I assumed when I got married that we'd make 'couple friends' like my parents did. My dad would make a friend at work and invite him round to our house. He would bring his wife and so there would be two couples socialising. Or of course my mum would make a friend at work and invite her round with her husband.

That doesn't seem to happen anymore. My husband goes out with his friends. I don't have any friends to go out with.

:shrug:

Have you ever discussed the "couple friend" socializing idea with your husband? If so, what did he have to say about it?


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KitLily
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01 Jan 2023, 7:48 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
KitLily wrote:
I assumed when I got married that we'd make 'couple friends' like my parents did. My dad would make a friend at work and invite him round to our house. He would bring his wife and so there would be two couples socialising. Or of course my mum would make a friend at work and invite her round with her husband.

That doesn't seem to happen anymore. My husband goes out with his friends. I don't have any friends to go out with.

:shrug:

Have you ever discussed the "couple friend" socializing idea with your husband? If so, what did he have to say about it?


He just kind of stared at me and said 'my parents never did that. What do you mean?' It wasn't the norm in his family. His family socialise with each other and that's all. I seem to have become the same as his mother- the little woman who stays at home all day with no friends and never goes out anywhere on her own. Exactly like his parents did- the dad went out to work, the mum stayed at home, like a 1950s couple.

:shrug:


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BreathlessJade
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02 Jan 2023, 11:00 pm

my nature response is to freeze. I'm cautious of decisions on stardew valley so real life is well....bigger