People Finding Out We're Just Like That

Page 2 of 4 [ 55 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

10 May 2023, 2:07 am

FleaOfTheChill wrote:

Yep. More times than I can count. People think I'm some great little novelty thing when they meet me. Then the reality of me sets in and I am no longer great.

This has happened to me so many times I can't count, my friend.

_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.

KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

10 May 2023, 2:08 am

funeralxempire wrote:

I'm not pretending to be a manic pixie... it just happens. :oops:

yes indeed, me too.

_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.

KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

10 May 2023, 2:10 am

Fnord wrote:

Meeting new people at a party where I can entertain them with my sideways perspective on life is one thing -- they like me for making them laugh.

Meeting them again in other social settings is different -- they find out that 'quirky' and 'weird' are normal aspects of my personality, and then they suddenly realize that I am also too 'different' to be their friend.

Sucks, doesn't it?[/color]

I agree, people think I'm being funny for a while (I'm not trying to be funny, I'm just saying things), then they realise that's just how I see life and I'm not so funny anymore, just annoying.

Also I seemed to be a lot more acceptable when I was young. Now I'm middle aged, I'm supposed to have 'grown out of' those quirky, weird ways. :roll:

_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.

KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

10 May 2023, 2:13 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:

I call it "Bug In A Jar" Syndrome.

I'm a curiosity or sideshow for many people.
They get their feel-goods from peering into my life because they like my energy.
Once they've had their fill of it they ask for more.
Then more again.
It's never quite enough for them because they assume it's boundless.
If I never go anywhere I must be home regenerating new energy all the time, right?
Sadly when they give their energy back to me it's always conditional.
It comes with obligation and expectation that I'll use their energy to change.

The buck stops there.

They sound like scientists experimenting on you. But I guess they see all of us as subjects for their experiments :roll:

The number of times people have talked about me in front of me, assuming I can't hear or understand somehow.

All I'm thinking is: "Yes I know you're talking about me in a nasty way. How insensitive and thoughtless you are."

_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.

KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

10 May 2023, 2:20 am

Fairfield wrote:

People either think I'm "cute" (I usually get this from older women lmao) or amusing to be around until they realize I'm legit just odd/delayed, or start out thinking I'm odd/delayed and then eventually find me amusing. Almost no in-between. lol

haha I think you're cute and I'm an older woman, how ironic, but I know what you struggle with and it isn't easy for you. And I'm not being pervy.

I'm the same with that- people either think I'm amusing/cute, then realise I'm just weird and stop liking me. Or they are completely confused by me at first, then realise I'm quite nice. I've had people suddenly say to me 'Oh!! You're kind aren't you?' 'Oh!! You're so nice once I get to know you.'

So god knows what kind of front I'm projecting when people first meet me!

I thought it was obvious that I was kind-hearted.

_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.

KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

10 May 2023, 2:22 am

Winters Gate wrote:

That seems to.happen a lot to me. People seem to be ok with me at first then they suddenly have no patience for my eccentricity. Not sure why the acceptance only goes so far.

Exactly. Everyone is supposed to be so accepting and open minded these days. But I find I was more accepted when I was young in the 1980s/90s. Maybe because I was young and 'allowed' to be quirky? Now I'm a wife and mother I'm 'supposed' to be sensible and normal.

I've got this quotation I love, it goes like this and sums up society's attitude-

Society: Be yourself.
Society: No. Not like that.

_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.

Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,241

11 May 2023, 7:21 am

When I think of "Cute" Kitlilly:

I get the impression that most NTs seem to think it's cute when we try to be adults and do adult things. For example, they seem to think it's cute when they learn that don't have limited interests. However, the conversations seem to come out awkward. Part of that is learning the art of socialization.

I have learned that
1. Dominating the conversation - Gives people the idea that everything is about you when in reality, I am detail-oriented.
2. People tend to mimic each other's body language
3. People tend to enjoy talking about themselves

KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

11 May 2023, 8:44 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:

I have learned that
1. Dominating the conversation - Gives people the idea that everything is about you when in reality, I am detail-oriented.
2. People tend to mimic each other's body language
3. People tend to enjoy talking about themselves

It's funny because when I try to learn about how to have conversations, I carefully follow experts' advice but it doesn't work.

e.g. 'people enjoy talking about themselves.' I haven't found that, I've found if I ask questions about their lives they clam up.

I've found if I use eye contact it freaks them out. It's best to look at people as little as possible.

I've found that if I remember a person's name and details from when I last met them, they tend to say 'how do you know my name? Do I know you? When did you meet me?' and it freaks them out.

I've found that showing emotion is the worst thing I can do because people don't like emotions, they are shocked by them.

I've found the best way to converse with people is to be quiet, dull, make the odd comment, don't expect them to show any interest in me, don't show much emotion. People seem threatened if I show any part of my real self or personality.

I wonder if it's because I'm following American advice, which tbh is the majority of the internet, and Brits are just not the same. e.g. never talk about your achievements with Brits or they'll think you're conceited and bragging. Whereas I've read that Americans like to hear about achievements and say 'wow that's great!' and shake hands, or something.

_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.

Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,241

11 May 2023, 9:41 am

I forgot about the unwritten social rules being different in the UK than in the US. I have also wondered...

As for people freaking out over you being yourself, that sounds like those are people who probably feel insecure. So they want to try and make you feel bad. Maybe they see something in you that they wish they had.

I am also wondering if people are becoming more and more rude due by retreating into their own world by looking at their mobile devices.

KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

11 May 2023, 9:50 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:

Yes, I've noticed the US advice about 'how to get on with people' 'how to hold conversations' is just not correct in the UK. If there's one thing Brits hate is loud, bossy people dominating the conversation or saying their name too often.

I just don't know. Everyone seems to be threatened/intimidated by me but if they knew how lonely, frightened and depressed I am in my life, they wouldn't.

You're right. People are becoming more rude and self centred because of social media and devices. They all go along on their own individual tracks in life and don't care/get annoyed by other people interrupting them.

We all need real life etiquette and conversation lessons IMO.

_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.

Benjamin the Donkey
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Mar 2017
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,385

11 May 2023, 11:48 pm

Fnord wrote:

KitLily wrote:

. . . people think we're just being cute or wacky intentionally when they first get to know us, then realise after a while that this is just our personality, we weren't putting it on.

I'm sure this has happened to me. I get to know someone and they think I'm being cute/wacky/quirky for effect. Then they realise I'm just weird 24/7 and they stop liking me.

Has this happened to anyone else?

Oh, gawd yes!!

Meeting new people at a party where I can entertain them with my sideways perspective on life is one thing -- they like me for making them laugh.

Meeting them again in other social settings is different -- they find out that 'quirky' and 'weird' are normal aspects of my personality, and then they suddenly realize that I am also too 'different' to be their friend.

Sucks, doesn't it?

Very true for me.

_________________
"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."

KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

13 May 2023, 5:52 am

Join us group of misfits, Benjamin

_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.

Trueno
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Jul 2017
Age: 68
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,788
Location: UK

13 May 2023, 6:39 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:

Fnord wrote:

KitLily wrote:

Very true for me.

And me.

_________________
Steve J

Unkind tongue, right ill hast thou me rendered
For such desert to do me wreak and shame

KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

13 May 2023, 10:54 am

Yes, we're like little novelties aren't we

_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.

Benjamin the Donkey
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Mar 2017
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,385

15 May 2023, 9:40 am

KitLily wrote:

Yes, we're like little novelties aren't we

In my experience, it's even more true for romantic relationships. At first they think I'm smart and funny and cute and quirky... and then they realize just how deep and pervasive that quirkiness is, and suddenly it's not so attractive anymore.

I'm so lucky now to have a partner who really appreciates me, even after 4 years together. Maybe it helps that she's ADHD herself.

_________________
"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."

IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 72,422
Location: Chez Quis

15 May 2023, 9:54 am

Has anyone been told their Neurodivergence makes them so captivating and otherwise amazing it makes the other person feel badly about themselves because they don’t have the same fortitude, or is that just a FML thing for me alone?

_________________
I never give you my number, I only give you my situation.
Beatles

Page 2 of 4 [ 55 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4 Next

Jump to:

People Finding Out We're Just Like That Post Reply New Topic

People Finding Out We're Just Like That