Fear of Death and Near Death experiences

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I've probably written about this before. I've never had a near death experience but I've been seriously ill to the point that my death was a distinct possibility and I was forced to confront that possibility.

I got to a place where I was quite comfortable with the idea of not being here any more, even though I had a 2 year old at the time. That was the only thing that really made me sad, that she'd never know me. Even with that though, I accepted my own death and I could see that it didn't really matter. At all. Everyone would be alright without me. And I felt like I'd had a decent enough life, I'd had some fun, I'd done some cool stuff, I didn't feel cheated, even though I was only 37 at the time.

I've lost that feeling now, I'm back to not really wanting to think about it. But it's still a comfort to me that I know that place exists, nearer to death than I am now, where I'll be able accept it and not feel cheated or even scared, particularly. That the closer you get to it, the less frightening it becomes.

My aunt just died today.

@Trueno

I didn't know you're a spiritualist, or about your mum.
I'd love to talk about your experiences or beliefs sometime if you want to share.

Interesting topic. Let's see, I had two near death experiences in my lifetime. The first happened when I was around 3 or 4 years old. I was outside next to my home and I came upon a bull from the back side. I was young and didn't know the danger. The bull attacked me with its legs. It struck my head and I died. I probably weighed between 10 and 20 pounds and the bull weighed over 1,000. It was like being attacked by a dinosaur. I died. When I came to about an hour latter, I was standing next to my dead body. My parents had placed my body into my bed and I was standing next to my bead looking at it. My parents were in utter horror. I could not stand their fear. Then a voice spoke to me. It said "Live or Die, Choose". I could not stand their fear, their great fear, so I said Live.

I came back but as an entirely different person. The human brain is much more complex then any living creature that came before us. We have multiple brains. Normally the left side of the brain is the dominant side. It evolves into our daytime brain. The right side of the brain is the support side. It evolves into our night time brain. It was my night time brain that came back. I grew up to become a very unique person. I had a right side dominant brain. This brain thinks very differently from the other side. That is why many people on this site identify with the trait of felling like they exist on the Wrong Planet. Eventually my left side brain came back but it came back and filled the void of my night time brain.

Now around two and a half years ago, I died. I suffered a massive stroke. My heart stopped beating for several minutes and my body began to died. Then there was a sudden spark and it began to beat again. But the damage was already done. After my stroke I began the repair process. But humans beings are not know to recover from such damage. But I have been working very hard and slowly restoring my mind.

You see right after my stroke I lost my ability to read. I stared at words on the wall of the hospital and couldn't read them. The words just broke apart into an entirely new alphabet system, one that I could not read. If that wasn't bad enough I also lost all my knowledge of spoken words. So bit by bit, piece by piece I am figuring it all out.

I wonder how similar does near death experiences have with whatever I just experienced, sometime before pandemic, out of the blue and out of nowhere "realizations".


There's this calm, a bit giddy, made my world way bigger and way smaller at the same time, the knowing of life's impermanence and death's nonexistent, and this strange state of egolessness...

If not, occasional loss of time, space, sense of self, etc...

And made me interpret words and the world itself in ways I hadn't able to...

Sudden and apparently for no reason why I had a change of consciousness -- which happened a few times whenever I'm awake and walking.

Heck I even had a brief out of body experience -- I couldn't tell if it was less than a millisecond or what, that I don't have 'eyes' like normal, like I can see beyond 360 view including seeing my own body -- that it distracted me while jaywalking across a busy road.


Yet and yet...
It hasn't profoundly changed me. It's just like another mood and it's somewhat disappointing...

There's this stubborn part of me -- the part of me that I've been fighting, the part of me that no one knows how to explain...
The part of me that cannot ever relate, not even autism can explain.

I wonder if near death experiences can make sense of it -- or even get rid of it.
It's like, the very reason why I'm waiting for a change. I don't know how to change, only that I want 'it' gone so badly hoping a change of circumstances could unveil or get rid of it.


I don't fear death.
Yet my body, my brain, my ego -- has it's own sense of self preservation.

The real me, beyond the mind, body, emotion and self has no fear.
The character I'm playing in this lifetime, however, I cannot truly say the same.
I wonder if near death experiences can... Either widen this gap, or close it? Latter will certainly change me and likely the change that I hope to have.

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