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Was what my mom did okay?

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DW_a_mom
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07 Jul 2023, 4:29 am

Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
I have a difficult time believing that involving the law, no matter what it may say, will improve your situation with your parents. I understand you are frustrated, especially since she seems to have a history of taking your stuff, but you really need to find another way to get your point across and be heard. I've mentioned before that you might need to find a way to demonstrate additional maturity and responsibility as a way of challenging them into respect, and perhaps we could brainstorm something along those lines here. Getting inside their heads is hard, but what if you purchased a locking cabinet for your things, and diligently stored them there, ensuring she didn't have either temptation or access? If they ask questions, you could answer that you are tired of them disrespecting your possessions, so decided to make the possibility a non-issue, remove the source of temptation? Make sure to keep all your things in your private space, keep your private space spotless, do your own wash, and give her no reasons to enter your space.

Or you move out, taking all your things with you, but I know you have reasons you can't. So making life in the current situation best it can be is the project.

Thats possibly a good idea but the thing is my dad wont let me buy a locking thing for my personal stuff.Their philosophy is basically is that even though its my property its their house so they can still prolly do what they want with my stuff in their own eyes.


Why does your father have any say in what you buy with your own money? A piece of locking furniture will not damage his home, disturb his peace, or otherwise interfere in his life in any manner. I suppose he can refuse to allow the item in his home, but that really would be over the top.


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mrpieceofwork
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07 Jul 2023, 4:52 am

Move out?

Another thought... tell both of your parents to never give you anything ever again. That way neither can ever take the gift back. Then go out and get that same water toy and use it. It's summer now, and a perfect time to get wet, esp. here in TX. See if she steals it again.

I say that in all seriousness. Unless there are things about your relationship with them that we aren't privy to, I agree, what she did was f-d up. BUT, what is it worth to you take make things worse by demanding to be compensated for an "Indian gifted" item (awful term, BTW, as it was used to belittle/disparage the indigenous of "Turtle Island"'s society practices...) which is kinda what your mother did... take an "unused" gift from the original recipient they gifted to, and use it themselves, or give it to someone else, because, like you said she said, you weren't using it. Kinda seems to me that she did that for some other reason other than what she stated, because "who does that?"


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Texasmoneyman300
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07 Jul 2023, 6:44 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
I have a difficult time believing that involving the law, no matter what it may say, will improve your situation with your parents. I understand you are frustrated, especially since she seems to have a history of taking your stuff, but you really need to find another way to get your point across and be heard. I've mentioned before that you might need to find a way to demonstrate additional maturity and responsibility as a way of challenging them into respect, and perhaps we could brainstorm something along those lines here. Getting inside their heads is hard, but what if you purchased a locking cabinet for your things, and diligently stored them there, ensuring she didn't have either temptation or access? If they ask questions, you could answer that you are tired of them disrespecting your possessions, so decided to make the possibility a non-issue, remove the source of temptation? Make sure to keep all your things in your private space, keep your private space spotless, do your own wash, and give her no reasons to enter your space.

Or you move out, taking all your things with you, but I know you have reasons you can't. So making life in the current situation best it can be is the project.

Thats possibly a good idea but the thing is my dad wont let me buy a locking thing for my personal stuff.Their philosophy is basically is that even though its my property its their house so they can still prolly do what they want with my stuff in their own eyes.


Why does your father have any say in what you buy with your own money? A piece of locking furniture will not damage his home, disturb his peace, or otherwise interfere in his life in any manner. I suppose he can refuse to allow the item in his home, but that really would be over the top.

My mom is the payee for my social security disability and her and dad wont let me buy anything for myself partly because we are about to move.My mom and dad simply wont let me use his house to store anymore of my stuff.



Texasmoneyman300
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07 Jul 2023, 6:46 am

mrpieceofwork wrote:
Move out?

Another thought... tell both of your parents to never give you anything ever again. That way neither can ever take the gift back. Then go out and get that same water toy and use it. It's summer now, and a perfect time to get wet, esp. here in TX. See if she steals it again.

I say that in all seriousness. Unless there are things about your relationship with them that we aren't privy to, I agree, what she did was f-d up. BUT, what is it worth to you take make things worse by demanding to be compensated for an "Indian gifted" item (awful term, BTW, as it was used to belittle/disparage the indigenous of "Turtle Island"'s society practices...) which is kinda what your mother did... take an "unused" gift from the original recipient they gifted to, and use it themselves, or give it to someone else, because, like you said she said, you weren't using it. Kinda seems to me that she did that for some other reason other than what she stated, because "who does that?"

I cant afford to move out.



DW_a_mom
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12 Jul 2023, 12:35 am

Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
I have a difficult time believing that involving the law, no matter what it may say, will improve your situation with your parents. I understand you are frustrated, especially since she seems to have a history of taking your stuff, but you really need to find another way to get your point across and be heard. I've mentioned before that you might need to find a way to demonstrate additional maturity and responsibility as a way of challenging them into respect, and perhaps we could brainstorm something along those lines here. Getting inside their heads is hard, but what if you purchased a locking cabinet for your things, and diligently stored them there, ensuring she didn't have either temptation or access? If they ask questions, you could answer that you are tired of them disrespecting your possessions, so decided to make the possibility a non-issue, remove the source of temptation? Make sure to keep all your things in your private space, keep your private space spotless, do your own wash, and give her no reasons to enter your space.

Or you move out, taking all your things with you, but I know you have reasons you can't. So making life in the current situation best it can be is the project.

Thats possibly a good idea but the thing is my dad wont let me buy a locking thing for my personal stuff.Their philosophy is basically is that even though its my property its their house so they can still prolly do what they want with my stuff in their own eyes.


Why does your father have any say in what you buy with your own money? A piece of locking furniture will not damage his home, disturb his peace, or otherwise interfere in his life in any manner. I suppose he can refuse to allow the item in his home, but that really would be over the top.

My mom is the payee for my social security disability and her and dad wont let me buy anything for myself partly because we are about to move.My mom and dad simply wont let me use his house to store anymore of my stuff.


Are your parents your legal guardians? If they are, you are stuck. If not, go to the social security office and have the payee changed to yourself. I realize that your executive function skills might concern your parents, and probably validly, but at some point, for your own emotional health, I would assume that you need to be able to try to fend for yourself and make your own mistakes. If that concept scares you to death, which maybe it should - adulting can be exhausting - then you might want to consider coping mechanisms to help you accept the crap that comes with letting someone else handle this stuff. It's kind of A or B, either you are in charge of your own life to some limited extent, or you are not.


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Texasmoneyman300
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12 Jul 2023, 2:03 am

The only way I can be independent for the rest of my life is if my parents leave me money.My parents are not my guardians.My parents want me to have the ability to move out and be independent but the thing is I have no way of affording apartments so its either live with my parents or be homeless under the overpass.I really want to be independent but I have not had any luck finding a job since college graduation although that may change.

They may not leave me any money after they pass so I would really be up a creek if that happened. Mom and Dad said they were thinking about spending everything before they die.I have no way of earning a living right now or possibly ever.



DW_a_mom
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17 Jul 2023, 12:06 am

If your parents are not your guardians, then you should have the right to get your social security in your own name, deposited to an account that you control. Negotiate with your parents for how much of it to pay them for room and board, and the rest should be yours to control. It probably won't be much money after room and board, but it IS yours and having that direct control would reduce the opportunities for conflicts with your parents.


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