Boundaries with friends

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I thought about P.O. Boxes. I actually mentioned that in the first conversation when she got offended and said we shouldn't be friends anymore. At that point, she saw it as more evidence that I could be fake or a troll. It triggered her. I can understand that. If I were getting to know someone for dating or friendship and had invested a lot of time and energy into building up trust but they said they were going to give me a P.O. Box address, I might see that as a red flag too.

When we talked about it after the first time, I mentioned P.O. Box again but looked into it and they're about $50 / month. That seems steep. Admittedly she'll likely only send me the one thing so I'd only need it for a month, but then I'm paying $50 for a gift I don't even want. The thought of the gift is great and that's all I need. I'm decluttering my house so I don't need anything new. She wanted to send me a box of some of her things that are really dear to her because she's decluttering too. They're the things that bonded our friendship - the things we had in common.

She knew deep down I wasn't a troll, but triggers work in mysterious ways based on bad experiences we've had in the past. We got to a point where she respects me for having the boundary even though she wishes things were different. She wishes it were the kind of world where people didn't have to worry about internet security, or trolls, or flashbacks from trauma. I wish that too. I had to impress on her that it was nothing against her. She's still sad because she doesn't know how to make "real" friends due to her autism, but I'm teaching her that "real" friends can happen online with boundaries, too.

Remember how you feel now when does this to you again. Which she may well do.