Aspergers & Your Real Age

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I've given up trying to feel like an adult. I've done enough adulting bringing up my daughter mostly alone, I'm worn out now. So now I live in a fantasy world of stories and imagination, more like a young person instead of acting like a 54 year old wife and mother.

I actually consider neurotypicals more mentally disabled than myself. When I looked at what they think and do, they look very mentally disabled to me.

But yea, a part of me is basically a giant baby. I also look quite young for my age (I'm 46 and look like 35 or so)

If Aspergers/Autism people are not immature then why we have meltdowns, want to scream, throw things & other things that a child would do?

Pretty sure that it is normal for all people to feel to some extent that they are the same as when they were in late teens early 20's. I have heard many many people say this.

When you delve into specifics though there is recognition that thier body has changed a lot and they have had many more experiences.

Wanting to scream or even throw things is something many NT people do too when frustrated or angry. Some even act on it. But losing your cool sounds like a good example of immaturity.

Meltdowns and tantrums aren't something NT adults do, but they also aren't something all people with ASD do either.

It was more pronounced and harder to deal with growing up. I constantly felt behind my peers even if I was ahead of them academically.

It felt like every time I'd got a handle on the 'rules' of being any given age, everyone else had grown up a bit more and I was left behind again. This was a particular problem later on when my friends got into dating, parties, illicit alcohol runs and smoking hash. I just wasn't ready for any of it and I lost most of my friends during that period because I guess they found me embarrassing to be around.

I don't care as much now, but I still look at my peers buying their houses, having multiple kids, starting businesses, selling their businesses, employing people for goodness sake. I don't know they are doing any of that. I did have one kid but that wasn't through any planning. I'm still winging it as much as I was in my early 20s.

This is kind of how I feel now. I have to pretend I'm a competent grown up for work and that's exhausting enough. Most of the people I work with are younger than me, but they seem so much more advanced than I am. But I no longer expect to feel differently one day.

When I was about 8, I attempted to sleep over at my friend Jennifer's house. It didn't work but that's another story.

When we first went to bed her mother came in the room to tuck us in and kiss Jennifer goodnight. I was struck with the profound philosophical realization that her mother Elizabeth was really just a baby or little girl whose body had stretched and grown larger over time. Her younger yet "real" self was stuck in an adult body against its own will. I decided this was true of all adults, and that it was going to happen to me. This knowledge made me feel sad.

I said out loud to Jennifer that her mum was really just a baby or little girl, acting like a grown up because she had no choice. Of course Jennifer didn't understand what I was talking about and likely thought I was insulting her mum (or smoking weed, but we were 8.)

I always had these deep thoughts about life. I'm pretty sure that was my autistic brain trying to make sense of itself, and noticing even then that I'd always feel like a child on the inside. I don't think NTs feel this as instinctively as the rest of us do, if they even perceive it at all.

I know what you mean. I wonder why they can't communicate clearly and precisely, but have to rely on hints and suggestions, overtones and allusions.

Yes, I get very deep thoughts and most people think I'm a loon. I get premonitions or logical thoughts about how things are going to progress or end, and no-one believes me until they come true.

Yes, I've used up all my adulting being the mum for so many years, I haven't got any left. I'm just a fanfic writer living in imaginary worlds now.

Luckily I'm an editor of novels so that is my job too!

This too.

Annoying isn't it. I can see what is going to happen and people laugh and make fun until it does come true and they stop laughing. They've forgotten I predicted it though, so when I make another prediction, they laugh and make fun again. And around we go in the circle again

I’m 60 and get along better with much younger people I work with then people my own age.

What I am trying to say is:

Until we achieve the things that neuro-typicals have done we will always keep developing!

This also goes for SpongeBob SquarePants as well

Until he achieves his goal of being able to drive a boat, he will continue to be seen as a perpetual kid in an adult body!

And keep repeating the cycle of being trapped in a child-like state

The show makes that abundantly clear

Our development isn't complete until we are at the level of the neuro-typicals

I don't want to be at the level of neuro-typicals. I want to be me.

ive always been considered immature by the people around me. people have told me alot about how i need to "grow up"

i agree with kitlily i dont want to be what everyone else has decided i need to be. i want to be myself.

and honestly im not sure why people value the idea of being an adult so much. so many of them seem unhappy.