Trust

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I moved in with someone who seemed nice at first. It was all fine and good, until this person snapped and started body shaming me, restricting my food access, telling me that I talk to my mom too much and always said “don’t you dare tattle on me to your mom!” and told me that “I’m hurting inside” because my plushies are my friends and even acted like it’s my fault my meds made me gain weight yet and mentioned that I take my other medications “a lot”.

I don’t need to live with anyone other than my plushies and snake ever again. Now that I’m not around this person, I’m doing awesome and thanks to my family, I got out of the situation. Sorry for the long post. I’m better off by myself.

Stuff like body shaming isn’t cool. I’ve experienced it myself. I’m glad you have a supportive family and were able to get out of that abusive situation.

The only person that truly betrayed my trust was my mother, and she very well damn knew that because I explicitly tell her out loud.

And it was done out of sheer ignorance, immaturity, impulsivity, foolish and stupid assumptions, and the uneven dynamics of parent and child.

The worst part is that others think it's for the best simply because 'I'm an ND child and I have no right to have any privacy'.

I'd rather have that she did nothing.
Or even never cared. And since she does "like any parent does" -- I'd deliberately limit what she'll "do for me" because I don't damn trust her.

I can never, ever trust her with my world. I will never let her be involved in any matters in neurodiversity. I will never aide her in anything related to my aspirations and talents.

No amount of closeness, affection, safety and attachment would ever bring it back. She will never see a deeper part of me.
Being an asocial autistic just made it so much easier.

I can now choose to make my own judgement call -- with or without her. She is optional, never mandatory in any part of what I want in life.

Closest, but never the first thing in my mind, nor ever try and pause to consider her. When she's gone, I may as well never had to think of her.

Might as well even forget about her entirely just for that.


Anyone else -- I expect nothing from them. Never truly trust them to begin with.

I just grew up expecting the worst, grew up overall disappointed.
Betrayal won't surprise me as a possibility. So far I'd be pissed at worst but I hadn't been hurt by any other betrayals so far.

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Hmm.......trust - "Firm belief in the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing; confidence or reliance."

I've never expected anybody to have perfect integrity. We all have our breaking point if we're pushed far enough. In some sense of the term I'm a social realist. Some people I trust more than others for certain kinds of behaviour, but I almost never have 100% confidence in anybody for anything. For me it's a balance of risks and benefits, not a black-and-white thing. But sometimes, for some things, I feel maybe 99.9% confident. Just that there's always at least a sliver of doubt in the mix. For me it's like faith, i.e. there's a cognitive form and a behavioural form. Cognitively it's hardly ever 100%, but behaviorally I might act as if it is. It's called taking a chance, or gambling. I'm not the kind of person who needs to think I can't possibly lose before I dare to roll the dice.

I was let down quite badly a few times, but it was never entirely a surprise. Not since I was young anyway.