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Social skills shouldn't be required to succeed in college

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Fenn
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15 Apr 2024, 8:45 pm

utterly absurd wrote:
I know you need social skills in life, and at least basic stuff in school. But if I'm smart enough to learn everything it's not fair for me to fail just because I can't act neurotypical.
I need to interview someone for an assignment; they assume you have lots of friends and there must be someone you can interview. There's no accommodations or anything since this is a major part of the class and it's a required class and my diagnosis doesn't say I can't talk to people, it's just really hard. Now I have to ask someone I barely know if I can interview them and I'll be so awkward, I'm really stressed and anxious about it. They always assume you can do things and they're things I technically can do, but it's so much more stressful for me than for most people and it's so unfair. They talk about trying to be inclusive and accommodating but it's complete BS.


You can interview me. Post your questions here. I’ll answer them. Instant interview.


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utterly absurd
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15 Apr 2024, 9:06 pm

Fenn wrote:
utterly absurd wrote:
I know you need social skills in life, and at least basic stuff in school. But if I'm smart enough to learn everything it's not fair for me to fail just because I can't act neurotypical.
I need to interview someone for an assignment; they assume you have lots of friends and there must be someone you can interview. There's no accommodations or anything since this is a major part of the class and it's a required class and my diagnosis doesn't say I can't talk to people, it's just really hard. Now I have to ask someone I barely know if I can interview them and I'll be so awkward, I'm really stressed and anxious about it. They always assume you can do things and they're things I technically can do, but it's so much more stressful for me than for most people and it's so unfair. They talk about trying to be inclusive and accommodating but it's complete BS.


You can interview me. Post your questions here. I’ll answer them. Instant interview.

Thanks but I'm not sure that would work.
"Who did you interview?"
"Some random person on the internet. I have no solid evidence he's not a robot."
I can't imagine they would like that. :)


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Fenn
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16 Apr 2024, 8:25 am

^ I promise I am not a robot. I can PM you my credentials as a human and my real name, address, a photo of my drivers license. How about the person sitting next to you in class? Or the teacher? Or a teacher of one of the other classes you take? Or (most colleges have this) some one at the writing center or counciling center? Or that friendly librarian? Your academic advisor? Your mom or another relative you trust?

We go through this a lot with my son on the spectrum. Every class we require him to get the name AND contact information: email AND cellphone for three classesmates. We go over how to say it, who might be approachable. And every class it is really hard. It sometimes takes multiple trys and weeks to accomplish.

Some things: contact info with classmates works both ways: that person might help you, and you might help him/her. If you ask three people at the same time it doesn’t seem so weird or like you want to date that person. And you can say right up front you will use the contact info “JUST for school work.” Study groups and someone to ask last minute questions about homework can be really valuable to you. But sometimes you are the one who knows the answer so it is also valuable to the other person in class. You can write it out ahead of time and practice, or you can even make up a “study group sign-up” sheet, or “homework help group sign-up” sheet to minimize the talking.


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16 Apr 2024, 11:04 am

One of the core purposes of college is to prepare you for a career.

And if you want to get into a career field, having people skills are beneficial.



shortfatbalduglyman
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16 Apr 2024, 5:49 pm

utterly absurd wrote:
I know you need social skills in life, and at least basic stuff in school. But if I'm smart enough to learn everything it's not fair for me to fail just because I can't act neurotypical.
I need to interview someone for an assignment; they assume you have lots of friends and there must be someone you can interview. There's no accommodations or anything since this is a major part of the class and it's a required class and my diagnosis doesn't say I can't talk to people, it's just really hard. Now I have to ask someone I barely know if I can interview them and I'll be so awkward, I'm really stressed and anxious about it. They always assume you can do things and they're things I technically can do, but it's so much more stressful for me than for most people and it's so unfair. They talk about trying to be inclusive and accommodating but it's complete BS.


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Some college majors require a lot more social interaction than others. Choose a major that doesn't involve too much social interaction. The course syllabus says what kind of assignments students have to do. Based on the syllabus, you can choose to drop the class. However, some courses are required for general education, and you might not be able to completely avoid all social interaction and still get a college degree.

Try getting a doctor's note and negotiating an alternative assignment with the instructor

Some five year olds drop dead from cancer. "Life" is not "fair".



utterly absurd
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16 Apr 2024, 10:20 pm

Fenn wrote:
^ I promise I am not a robot. I can PM you my credentials as a human and my real name, address, a photo of my drivers license. How about the person sitting next to you in class? Or the teacher? Or a teacher of one of the other classes you take? Or (most colleges have this) some one at the writing center or counciling center? Or that friendly librarian? Your academic advisor? Your mom or another relative you trust?

We go through this a lot with my son on the spectrum. Every class we require him to get the name AND contact information: email AND cellphone for three classesmates. We go over how to say it, who might be approachable. And every class it is really hard. It sometimes takes multiple trys and weeks to accomplish.

Some things: contact info with classmates works both ways: that person might help you, and you might help him/her. If you ask three people at the same time it doesn’t seem so weird or like you want to date that person. And you can say right up front you will use the contact info “JUST for school work.” Study groups and someone to ask last minute questions about homework can be really valuable to you. But sometimes you are the one who knows the answer so it is also valuable to the other person in class. You can write it out ahead of time and practice, or you can even make up a “study group sign-up” sheet, or “homework help group sign-up” sheet to minimize the talking.

This is all a good idea. I'm still getting used to how college works; in the future I should probably try something like this.
I've requested an extension on the assignment based on difficulty finding an interviewee. If they're difficult about it I can try getting the disability center involved. It sounds like my parents know some people I could talk to so things are looking a lot better. Thanks for your responses everyone.


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Diagnosed ASD/ADHD age 5. Finally understood that age 17.
Have very strong opinions so sorry if I offend anyone--I still respect your opinion.
Neutral pronouns preferred but anything is fine.
Feel free to PM me--I like to talk about most things other than sports.


rse92
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18 Apr 2024, 2:39 pm

utterly absurd wrote:
rse92 wrote:
utterly absurd wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Isn't part of the assignment is to demonstrate those social skills?

I don't think it is; it's an anthropology class so the "talking to people" is really just a means to learning about those people.
But yes, I understand everyone has something they struggle with. I just can't imagine anyone feels this kind of anxiety when, say, doing math. Confusion, but not anxiety.
I just wish I could email the person or something, but I don't have their contact information, I only see them in class.
It would be nice if social skills were taught in school, but instead they assume you have it already. I got all As in high school but no one told me randomly walking up to strangers was a requirement for college.


My advice would be to stop taking anthropology classes. They will do nothing for your job prospects, there are few if any jobs being an anthropologist, and you acknowledge you don't have the social skills to take the class. Stop wasting your tuition money.


I'd love to but unfortunately, it's a required class for any major.


What is your major?