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Am I illiterate? Or is hardly anyone into me?

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funeralxempire
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04 Jul 2024, 4:18 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
SkinnyElephant wrote:
Only problem is: If I were to make a move (and get rejected), it would do worse than ruin a friendship. It would make living next to each other miserable for both of us.


That's not always true. That's mostly only true if either of you insists on making things awkward afterwards.

Do you two already spend time together in more than just a passing by sorta way?


We only run into each other in passing. That being said, she'll sometimes have extended discussions with me in the hallway (and we both share personal stuff with each other).

Here's a relevant story: Back in April, my next door neighbor (we'll call her Victoria; not her real name) happened to see me coming home with a woman. A few days later, Victoria was asking me all sorts of questions about the woman she saw me with (I gave a short response to try to get out of the discussion. Yet Victoria wouldn't stop persisting).

In Victoria's questioning of me, it came out that the woman she saw me with was 46 (I myself am in my early 30s). Victoria said "Nothing wrong with an older woman."

Here's why I (along with some others I've shared the story with) suspect Victoria is possibly into me:

-She was hyper-fixated on what I was doing with another woman (to the point where she wouldn't let the topic go, even when I attempted to get out of the discussion).
-Her "nothing wrong with an older woman" comment (Victoria is in her early 50s).

Anyway, it would be awkward (for me at least) if I got turned down by Victoria because it's embarrassing to get turned down by a woman 2 decades older than you. Also, I live in a gossipy building. Word would get out. I would develop a reputation of "that creep who got turned down by an old lady" (Residents would think "There must be something severely wrong with him, for a good-looking guy in his early 30s to get turned down by a woman in her 50s")


Next time you have an extended discussion tell her you like talking to her and ask her if she'd like to get together sometime. If she's into it, you're good. If she's not you haven't risked much.


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CockneyRebel
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17 Jul 2024, 11:18 pm

I really hope that you find someone. You deserve it.


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Carbonhalo
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18 Jul 2024, 2:17 am

I had a hard time with poor body language interpretation, although I suppose I'm proud to say I never misinterpreted consent, despite coming of age in an era when mixed signals were required of young women.
I am lucky to be pretty extroverted for an aspie, and was cute enough to get lucky fairly often, but took a long time to find a stable relationship. (Emotional distance is a phrase I heard several times)
I'm now in my 3rd long term and have been for more than 30 years.

For me, if a woman touched me more than once without reason, I'd start flirting on principle.
For practice if nothing else. It's the reaction to your first innuendo/double entendre that will tell you to stop or not.

I am curious how the boyfriend reacted to such physical contact.
Having been in limited open relationships I have always had an intense curiosity about navigating 3 way intimate conversations considering my usual inability to converse with more than 1 person at once.



SkinnyElephant
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18 Jul 2024, 9:14 am

Carbonhalo wrote:
I had a hard time with poor body language interpretation, although I suppose I'm proud to say I never misinterpreted consent, despite coming of age in an era when mixed signals were required of young women.
I am lucky to be pretty extroverted for an aspie, and was cute enough to get lucky fairly often, but took a long time to find a stable relationship. (Emotional distance is a phrase I heard several times)
I'm now in my 3rd long term and have been for more than 30 years.

For me, if a woman touched me more than once without reason, I'd start flirting on principle.
For practice if nothing else. It's the reaction to your first innuendo/double entendre that will tell you to stop or not.

I am curious how the boyfriend reacted to such physical contact.
Having been in limited open relationships I have always had an intense curiosity about navigating 3 way intimate conversations considering my usual inability to converse with more than 1 person at once.


Interesting. Despite my good looks, even during college I had to utilize hookup websites (I never got laid the traditional college way)

I suppose the one good thing about hookup websites: You know right off the bat the woman wants sex. So there's no risk of misinterpreting consent.



SkinnyElephant
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22 Jul 2024, 11:54 am

On a different online community I belong to, I got the following comment (without the member even knowing I'm on the spectrum):

"If you're unable to read a potential partner's cues, chances are you're on the spectrum."

The member then went on to say: "Whatever you do, don't escalate. Since you're unable to tell the difference between friendly and flirting, it isn't your place to take the lead. You'll have to let the other party take the lead."

What that member is saying is unfortunate (because as has been said on here, making a move is perhaps the most surefire way to get a partner), but probably right.