New Member - Male Married to an Aspie Woman

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Jakki
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01 Sep 2024, 11:53 pm

Thanks for showing up here ....and for showing up on behalf of your wife .. Congradulations on finding , what inspite of any issues...Am thinking you might have earned a blessing from somewhere up there . :mrgreen:


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SteelersFan
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02 Sep 2024, 9:09 am

auntblabby wrote:
OP, can your sig. other make her own smoothies? she could add some helpful supplements [such as taurine, theanine, b-vitamins/minerals] to them? can she substitute xylitol for the normal sugar, it would be far better for her and esp. her teeth.


She can and got into the habit of doing it, but was adding a TON of sugary stuff like honey. I agree on the Xylitol but she's not big into anything she deems "unnatural" so you've got that...

As far as the OTC pregnancy test, she did it and also had the blood one done. There were 2 in the package and she tossed the other one.

I'm sort of thinking it will come down to a really good doula or midwife explaining it to her in a gentle, loving way. I just don't know if I'm the right person for the job here despite all the research I've done on this. At least she's in good company historically with Bloody Mary having one!


I also think her sleep cycles need a little work. She's tried melatonin before but doesn't like how it makes her feel. She's used teas in the past and they work about half the time. I think we need some new nighttime routines and to structure her day a little differently. (If there's anything I've learned about AS, it's that structure is paramount for most people with it).

On a more lighthearted note, I just noticed the awesome Raphael emoji here and now feel obligated to use it :ninja:



jimmy m
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02 Sep 2024, 10:28 am

SteelersFan wrote:
Let me explain the pregnancy delusion thing a little more...I almost feel like this should take on its own topic, but I'll keep it here for now I guess.

She has always wanted to be a mom. However, her own mother kept telling her that "she'll never get pregnant" every time someone showed up in her life with a baby. Her mom would continually put her down, saying nobody would want her, etc.

Given her age, she feels a sense of urgency to get pregnant ASAP since 35 is knocking on the door.

Some time ago, she read some misinformation online. She's prone to believe a lot of this (and having a conspiracy theorist father doesn't help either). Apparently she has the definition of "cryptic pregnancy" all wrong. She thinks that's when a baby can't be detected by normal means.

In reality she's dealing with a "phantom pregnancy" but won't admit to it for four reasons: she doesn't trust doctors/medical people, she has bad information from some now-gone sites that I've tried to find traces of, she has a yearning desire to be pregnant, and she has some things that indicate a pregnancy.

She had a very light period six weeks after she ovulated (and could have potentially had a fertilized egg). Now she's been prone to those before, but this one had her convinced since she also was gaining weight and feeling some other signs/symptoms. A lot of this weight gain was from bad dietary choices though (namely being on a chocolate smoothie kick). Now she claims she can feel babies kicking inside of her (she thinks there is more than one) yet it usually happens on one side, the side her stomach is on, and she's prone to indigestion and likely is lactose intolerant so...

If someone tries to tell her she's not pregnant, she gets mad and accuses them of saying she is faking a pregnancy.

I wouldn't say she's "faking" it at all. She truly believes she is pregnant, but I don't believe she's ever been truly pregnant so honestly how is she to know what it feels like? She has mentioned hiring a doula or midwife not affiliated with a hospital, and I think they'll debunk this for us if all else fails.

There have been times when she thinks she has either lost the pregnancy to a "miscarriage" or, a few weeks ago, she suggested a "phantom pregnancy"...but then recanted it. Ugh...she was so close to beating it.

She thinks her uterus is somehow behind her organs with this and that's why it's not detectable.


The other thing she is working through from bad online information is a belief in "targeted individuals". I attribute 100% of this to her conspiracy theorist father!! She's no more targeted than anyone else who isn't a terrorist. Yes, we're all tracked by tracker cookies online and the like, but she has to realize there's nobody out specifically going after her. I also think some of this has to do with the fact that her family hates her so much and targets her within the family...and I think the right remedy for this will simply be to surround her with people who like her and make her feel like she is welcomed, not singled out!

My family and I don't really get along and her family doesn't like her, but I have a good network of friends. I'm trying to get them together more often with us.


I have been gone the last few days, so I didn't see your response. It reminds me of a story, a true story. My wife's younger brother was a real nice guy. He would make a very loving husband and father to his children. But he married a girl and her mother was into fortunetellers. The fortunetellers told them that if the girls husband got her pregnant, she would DIE. They believed the fortunetellers and conspired to prevent my son-in-law from getting her pregnant. Now he would have been a great dad but his young wife prevented them from having children. This went on for decades. In the end when he became old, she left him or he left her. He remarried another woman whose husband had passed away. She had already had a daughter from her marriage and he became an instant father. Now this daughter is married and having a family of her own.

So I know this is strange advice but if she wants to be pregnant, sign her up for Natural Childbirth Classes and go with her and attend these classes with her. And then in the middle of the night make her pregnant.

As you said, Age is approaching and soon she may be incapable of conceiving a child. So now is the time. Also explain to her that even if she is pregnant, having intercourse does no harm for married couples. Some of these Natural Childbirth Classes will teach her what foods are good and what foods are bad. She will be around people working away at the process of becoming fathers and mothers. By taking her to these classes you are not only supporting her but also educating her to produce a healthy child.

Just remember in marriage two people become one. You are like two halves of the same coin.


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SteelersFan
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02 Sep 2024, 11:04 am

This could very well work. I think she has a LOT of misconceptions about what it means to be pregnant, how a pregnancy works, how to get support, etc.

As I've mentioned before we need something completely out of the hospital system. A natural class just could work, as she has mentioned wanting a home birth. Remember she has a fear of hospitals, doctors, and healthcare systems. (Should add she was the victim of medical malpractice a few times and a lot of it is because her mother outright lied to the doctors about what was going on, even after she had turned 18; she also wasn't allowed to seek her own care until she met me).

She will need to try again to get pregnant if she really wants a child. That may be hard too because she's a borderline ace. (Which I'm OK with because she's a good person and is otherwise very affectionate, though I'm apparently the only one she's ever been affectionate with...guess I'm doing something right?)



jimmy m
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02 Sep 2024, 3:01 pm

There are different types of natural childbirth procedures. One is called the Lamaze method. It is a childbirth process that taught women how to have babies within their own home. You may want to investigate this process.

One link on the internet says:

The Lamaze method of childbirth focuses on labor and delivery as a natural event. Laboring women are encouraged to move around, if they like, and follow their body's urges to push. The method stresses special breathing patterns and other natural relaxation techniques for dealing with pain. It also teaches participants about interventions that might be necessary so that they will be prepared to make informed decisions.

The Lamaze method, developed by the French obstetrician Ferdinand Lamaze, has been used in the United States since the late '50s and remains one of the most commonly taught types of childbirth preparation. In the early days, the focus was on using controlled breathing techniques to cope with labor. But the vision of Lamaze educators has expanded a lot since then.

According to Lamaze International, the goal of Lamaze classes is to "increase women's confidence in their ability to give birth." Toward that end, women learn a variety of simple coping strategies, of which breathing is only one. The classes aim to help women "learn how to respond to pain in ways that both facilitate labor and increase comfort."

Source: The Lamaze method of childbirth''

There are many different types of Natural Childbirth. We had our two children using The Bradley Method. It worked very well for us and I was present and helped my wife during the birth process.

This link lists some of the different types of natural childbirth.

Natural Childbirth Techniques


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auntblabby
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02 Sep 2024, 6:47 pm

SteelersFan wrote:
I also think her sleep cycles need a little work. She's tried melatonin before but doesn't like how it makes her feel. She's used teas in the past and they work about half the time. I think we need some new nighttime routines and to structure her day a little differently. (If there's anything I've learned about AS, it's that structure is paramount for most people with it).

YMMV but what works to help me sleep is the following formula- valerian [capsule or tincture], doxylamine [half a tablet] and benadryl together, l-tryptophan, caryophyllene in tincture or capsule form called Rephyll, l-theanine, & melatonin. this is for sleep-resistant conditions, a last resort before harder things such as indica in medible or capsule form. these all must be taken a minimum/maximum of 3-5 hours before desired bed time. Your Mileage May Vary, caution is in order. perhaps try them one at a time, at first.



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02 Sep 2024, 7:03 pm

Ahh, tryptophan. It's one I'm trying to encourage her to use/eat more of since I know her serotonin is low as per the research I've done. She won't use meds due to bad past experiences (I don't blame her one bit!) but is 100% open to any and all vitamins/supplements.

I know that just having people being kind to you and hugging can increase it too. I think she's been so marginalized by people that she needs more of that. I have some incredible friends for her but sadly some of them live far away or are too preoccupied by things like their families.



auntblabby
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02 Sep 2024, 11:02 pm

tell her that if she ever got drowsy after eating thanksgiving turkey, it was the l-tryptophan in it that did it, most likely.



Jakki
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02 Sep 2024, 11:24 pm

yes sir, Aspies might not be so eager to have others decide whom their friends might be, but very nice to try to offer for her......Maybe a person with more life experience as a care giver for Autistic individuals ,for help.. There are organizations that can help adult Autiistic persons . 8O


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CockneyRebel
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18 Sep 2024, 10:47 pm

Welcome to WP :mrgreen:


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