To get a crush, first you have to interact with someone that appeals to you. Since solar eclipses are more common, I don't get given the chance to take into account that the one I'm supposed to be drooling in reaction to, plus losing heaps of sleep is still human, and coughs, sneezes, burps, farts, defecates, gets sick, chews food, has a dynamic anatomy, and everything else I've left out. They will also grow old.
I'm probably a little harder to please nowadays compared to before. But this is most likely due meself acclimatising to the ever increasing probability that a relationship is simply not worth the trouble. And that I'm on a dead end road trying to get along with somebody enough to make them tolerate me in a manner beyond friendship.
Ingesting their saliva, food particles, even the odd hair, and noticing every skin cell close up when they're sick, even before the main course is just a little beyond gross. But grossness isn't the deterrent. It's social anxiety and depression that kills the interaction before it even starts. So what hope do I have? I am type 2 diabetic uncontrolled, with continuous high calory food intake. It has almost killed me. Will I wake up dead before or after a certain xxxx-stone? I still perceive even very small levels of intimacy as being beyond reach, due to the potential intense arousal, and lack of self regulation. Not that I would ever even dream of sexually mistreating the unfortunate soul who happens to fall for the trap. I hate misconduct in this context. I don't want to make another enemy. In such a context, it seems like mUTAGEN cannot be a bingo. This is a phrase I enjoy a lot. Not that anybody gives a rats at all.
07 Oct 2024, 10:46 am
