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Rhapsody
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03 Oct 2024, 7:50 pm

Like others have said, there's way for us to know what she's actually thinking and people are difficult to predict. However, I feel like I need to address this:

Canadian Freedom Lover wrote:

Fnord wrote:

Some Nice Girls™ will say 'yes' because they seem to believe saying 'no' would make them appear rude and stuck-up. So they say 'yes' and then cancel later instead ("No hard feelings, right?") and come off looking like a flake. They may repeat this until it finally dawns on you that they are simply not interested.

Next time you see her, just smile, wave, say nothing, and go right back to what you were doing.

Yes thats exactly what I've been doing. It still hurts. I wish people would be more direct. I would never do that to a girl if she expressed interest in me. I would take up pretty much anyone on their offer to go on a date because it takes a lot of guts to ask someone out. The only reason I would say no is if I got a crazy vibe or if I was completely physically unattracted to her.

Saying 'yes' and then canceling later isn't about appearances or seeming nice. It's a safety scheme. Every woman I've ever met knows a story of a woman who said 'no' and got punched in the face, had hot coffee poured on her, or worse. So it's much, much safer to go along with whatever a guy we don't know says and appear friendly than it is to be direct and say no until we are a safe distance from him. We're also socialized to give 'soft' nos for the same reason. Which y'all picked up on. Flaking is a soft no.

Obviously, if you just deleted her number instead of being awful, you're one of the good men. She had no way of knowing that from just a few minutes of interacting with you, however. When women do this it's really not a game. It's about safety. The same way we meet up with guys in public places, let others know where we are, etc.

Canadian Freedom Lover
Toucan
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03 Oct 2024, 8:21 pm

cyberdad wrote:

Canadian Freedom Lover wrote:

Well clarify I asked her if she was Punjabi. She said "oh yes, how did you know" I replied with "just a lucky guess, most Indian people around here are Punjabi".

Is She sikh? turban dudes? anyway no harm in asking again. When I was your age I basically thought asking multiple girls for a coffee was a good way to network.

Yes I think she is sikh.

I don't think she is interested, otherwise she would have initiated a conversation either in person or on the phone by now.

Canadian Freedom Lover
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03 Oct 2024, 8:33 pm

Rhapsody wrote:

Like others have said, there's way for us to know what she's actually thinking and people are difficult to predict. However, I feel like I need to address this:

Canadian Freedom Lover wrote:

Fnord wrote:

I've never met a guy who has ever assaulted a woman for saying no. We usually just walk feeling a bit defeated.

Also, I am astonished how many young women play it fast and lose with their safety. Back when I was active on the dating apps, I would routinely pick girls up in my truck at their house. I am surprised at how many girls will hop in a vehicle with someone they met online a few days ago. Young women from my experience have a distinct lack of fear for their own safety, I've seen teen age girls walking the streets at 3AM.

But I agree women should be safety conscious.

Fnord
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03 Oct 2024, 8:41 pm

Canadian Freedom Lover wrote:

I've never met a guy who has ever assaulted a woman for saying no.

I have . . . through my prison ministry.

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TwilightPrincess
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03 Oct 2024, 8:44 pm

I’ve not been physically assaulted for saying ‘no’ to a date although I have been for saying ‘no’ to other things, but I have dealt with other forms of unpleasantness - complaints about not giving them a chance, insults, stalkery behavior, and just not taking no for an answer. I’m only talking about a couple people when I say that - mostly from when I was young, but it was a couple too many. Bruised egos can be very tiresome. For that reason, I often wouldn’t give a hard ‘no’ unless I felt comfortable enough with the person. Of course, every woman is different and has a different comfort level, but some certainly feel as I do and/or had similarly negative or even worse experiences as it concerns turning down a date than I did. Many know women who did, too.

Canadian Freedom Lover
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03 Oct 2024, 9:52 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:

I'm sorry to hear that TwilightPrincess. I wouldn't do that to someone. I appreciate honesty.

TwilightPrincess
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03 Oct 2024, 9:58 pm

Thanks! I know most people wouldn't behave like that, but I think it makes sense why some have safety concerns and are cautious in certain ways.

cyberdad
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04 Oct 2024, 1:21 am

Rhapsody wrote:

Every woman I've ever met knows a story of a woman who said 'no' and got punched in the face, had hot coffee poured on her, or worse. So it's much, much safer to go along with whatever a guy we don't know says and appear friendly than it is to be direct and say no until we are a safe distance from him. We're also socialized to give 'soft' nos for the same reason. Which y'all picked up on. Flaking is a soft no.

So a few crazy, unhinged, bad apples give the rest of the male species a bad name. I have never in my life met or heard of any male doing this in my social circles so I am not really sure how frequent this is?

Dare I say it....stop generalising about men

cyberdad
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04 Oct 2024, 1:23 am

Canadian Freedom Lover wrote:

I don't think she is interested, otherwise she would have initiated a conversation either in person or on the phone by now.

Guys are the ones who have do the chasing,

Canadian Freedom Lover
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04 Oct 2024, 1:36 am

cyberdad wrote:

Canadian Freedom Lover wrote:

I don't think she is interested, otherwise she would have initiated a conversation either in person or on the phone by now.

Guys are the ones who have do the chasing,

I asked her out to lunch a while ago and she canceled. I have pursued her for long enough. The ball is in her court now. She is a big girl she can start a conversation with me if she is interested. She knows where I hang out and also has my phone number.

May I also add that I asked if she wanted to go swimming with me a couple months later and the answer again was no. I would say that she's not interested.

Carbonhalo
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04 Oct 2024, 1:51 am

It appears that USA is innately more violent than Oz, although our capitals do seem to be accelerating in their crime statistics.
Do Canadians think it's more dangerous over the border? (Aside from insane lack of gun control)
I can't imagine anyone here getting punched out for saying no without the assailant having amphetamine psychosis.

I still think you should have offered to buy her a coffee back then. It offered a chance to get a definitive answer without costing much. With a little verbal skill you could have either both walked away with a smile, or walked away with each other.

Benjamin the Donkey
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04 Oct 2024, 1:59 am

cyberdad wrote:

Canadian Freedom Lover wrote:

I don't think she is interested, otherwise she would have initiated a conversation either in person or on the phone by now.

Guys are the ones who have do the chasing,

Not necessarily. I'm no good at chasing and don't even try. Every relationship I've had has started with me as the quarry.

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DuckHairback
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04 Oct 2024, 2:02 am

cyberdad wrote:

Dare I say it....stop generalising about men

Literally the next post...

cyberdad wrote:

Guys are the ones who have do the chasing,

It's almost like art at this point.

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cyberdad
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04 Oct 2024, 2:05 am

DuckHairback wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Guys are the ones who have do the chasing,

It's almost like art at this point.

We don't have a choice in the matter

cyberdad
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04 Oct 2024, 2:06 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Canadian Freedom Lover wrote:

I don't think she is interested, otherwise she would have initiated a conversation either in person or on the phone by now.

Guys are the ones who have do the chasing,

Not necessarily. I'm no good at chasing and don't even try. Every relationship I've had has started with me as the quarry.

Yeah but your not going to pour hot coffee on a girl right, I'm guess nobody on WP would

cyberdad
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04 Oct 2024, 2:07 am

Canadian Freedom Lover wrote:

Fair enough, If it was me I would still chat her up if we cross paths, but yeah, the ball is in her court.

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