Hi there, I'm new here and pretty anxious

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Hi PoundlessMind_32, Welcome to Wrong Planet.

You wrote, "I can't look people in the eyes for more than a one second."
I also have this trait. I do not make direct Eye to Eye contact but always look a little off to one side.
I actually figured out a solution to this problem by preventing people from looking into my eyes by wearing a special type of one way glasses. I wrote in another thread a few days ago about these glasses.

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Not_Crazy_Just_Not_You, Welcome to Wrong Planet.

You wrote, "I have been called selfish, arrogant, condescending, narcissistic, an A-hole, and probably a bunch of other things behind my back."

Let me try and explain this, at least from my viewpoint. I do not make eye to eye contact. When I lock at a person I do not look directly into their eyes but rather a little off to one side. Most (neurotypicals) NTs will look directly into the eyes of the person they are talking with. But if you are like me, they will see someone looking off to one side and they will immediately conclude:

This person is a liar, evil, false, stay away from him.

I actually tested this theory a few years ago. I purchased a pair of special one way glasses and wore them in town. These are the same type of glasses that traffic cops used when driving. It prevents people from looking directly into their eyes and making a quick judgement of how the policeman would react. So I went about town wearing these special sunglasses. What happened was unreal. Total strangers would come up to me and begin conversations. This had never happened to me before, and I was amazed.

I have poor eyesight so I wear prescription glasses. So in my case when I went to order a pair of prescription sunglasses, I just asked my optometrist and he ordered me a pair.

Doing a quick scan on the internet, I believe they are referred to as polarized mirrored sunglasses.

Polarizing and mirror coats are independent things, you can have one without the other. Polarizing blocks all horizontal light preventing dazzling effects (which is reflected light from things like the water surface or shiny metal) and mirror coating reduces the light transmission into the lens even further than the tinting of the lens on its own would (making the image you see darker).

When I wear this type of sunglasses, someone on the outside might try to look through the glasses and cannot see my eyes. All they see is a mirror refletion. But from the inside, I can see quite clearly. There is some lowering of light that enters my eyes but most people normally have their eyelids closed a little and I just open them a little wider automatically to let in a little more light. That is why I can wear this type of sunglasses indoors.

The other benefit is that when I wear the glasses outdoors, it eliminates any glare. So outdoors my vision is much better also.

It improves my vision and at the same time eliminates people from knowing that I am not looking them directly into their eyes. And the strange result is when I wear these polarized sunglasses I enter the world of NTs.

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You wrote, "Small talk is my nemesis."
Yes same here. I am direct and to the point. It is actually a benefit.

You wrote, "For a long time, I thought I was alone with my struggles or my struggles weren't valid. My parents always said to me that I have to suck it up and push through which I've come to realize did more damage than good. The never looked into my experiences, and now I am already in my thirties and I find myself shying away from people more and more."
In reality, you are not alone and there are many people like you, but they live in the corners of society. I had gained a few friends in the 76 years I have lived on Earth and I had found a couple good friend, lifetime friend. They had characteristics just like me. So if you can search for them and open your eyes you may actually find them. They will be somewhat like yourself.

Hi,
I would love to find them, but just thinking about talking to strangers make me feel sick. I know that is also part of social anxiety, but what can I do? Do you know what could help? I mean, talking someone online is not so big deal, but it is still a strugle.