Mormons and Chocolate.

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My dad was raised Mormon but his parents decided to leave the church when he was young.

Now and then, when he's drinking a coffee whilst eating a piece of dark chocolate, he turns to me and says I'm something of a rebel myself.

We like to joke about the no caffeine rule. Sometimes he tells me about his time in the church. He's an atheist. So am I.

I've never met my Mormon relatives. They're still upset that my mum isn't Mormon and consider my existence sacrilegious. That's pretty metal if you ask me. Sacrilegious from birth.

I don't know if it would work with Mormons, but about thirty years ago one guy was in his living room and saw a couple of Jehovah's witnesses walking up the sidewalk. He hurriedly undressed and when they knocked, he answered the door in the nude and gladly invited them in to talk. They left in a big hurry.

It would have been less legally questionable to just have an upside down pineapple to deploy. Just because he was standing inside, doesn't necessarily make the nudity legal, especially if there's somebody at the door.

Thanks!

The best way to get Jehovah’s Witnesses (and Mormons, I think) to leave you alone is to politely tell them to put you on their do not call list, as you would with a telemarketer. Being rude isn’t going to prevent future visits, as with telemarketers. It’ll just feed into their persecution mania.

Even though Mormons and JWs are trained to smile and appear happy, there’s a good chance they want to bother you even less than you want to be bothered. When I preached as a JW, I’d often anxiously hope that no one was home when it was my turn to give a presentation even though the fake smile would come on as soon as someone opened the door.

If a guy shows up at the door naked or engages in other questionable behavior, they’ll just make a note in their records that elders only should go back to that house when they work the territory in the future - often in a year or two although it varies depending on the region.

Given how popular letter-writing is among JWs these days, I wonder if they’re marking some houses as “letter-writing only.” Still, I think your best bet is to politely tell them to put you on their do not call list.

Edit: Well-placed and clearly visible No Trespassing signs can also prevent unwanted visits by evangelists.

Several years ago, someone was pulling a scam as the "Woodside Literary Agency".

The Woodside Literary Agency wanted money to represent your book which, no matter how bad it was, they thought it was going to be a best seller based on the first chapter. There was a group effort on one of the old newsgroups to write a first chapter with each person writing one sentence -- they were assured by the Woodside Literary Agency that it was a masterpiece.

One reporter in San Francisco who wrote an article about the scams of the Woodside Literary Agency was getting ready to go to work one morning when he spotted a Jehovah's Witness walking up to his house. When he answered the door, it turned out to be an FBI agent who was investigating a complaint by the Woodside Literary Agency that the reporter was threatening them.

So be nice when you see a Jehovah's Witness walking up to your house -- it might be the FBI.

Swatted by the Woodside Literacy Agency.

That would be an amusing t-shirt.

I'm still a practicing Mormon. There has never been a prohibition on chocolate. The idea that the church tried to ban chocolate is likely bunk then.

Coffee and tea, sure. Many members used to think (mistakenly) that caffeine was prohibited, but leaders in recent years said they were mistaken.

Side note, we prefer not be called Mormon, but to be called members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. (Don't know what short hand to use instead though, perhaps calling us Christians would be enough).

Religion is basically "If it brings you pleasure, it's a sin, you will only get to Heaven if you spend your life being as bored as possible".

I'm not sure 'Christian' is that useful when discussing LDS specifically, or LDS, Community of Christ and other Book of Mormon followers collectively.

Just like how when one wishes to discuss Catholics specifically they're not referred to as Christians despite being Christians.

The alcohol ban would make me a terrible Mormon. That, and the holy underpants thing would put me into a state of permanent fits of laughter.

At least you would get to eat pork.

I eat pork, already.

Coffee is apparently good for your health: https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/drink-c ... 00325.html

Would it be easier to say they just want to ban fun?

In my experience Mormons are pretty generous. They might have just given you pancakes for free.