Thoughts on dating (online dating in particular)

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I think it's ridiculous to think someone should accept someone who they are not attracted to.

If someone is appealing to someone, they are physically attractive to them. Overweight is not attractive to me.
That doens't mean you are not a good person, but I am not attracted to that.

I've generally maintained a healthy body weight and higher than average level of physical fitness throughout my life.
I used to run competitively. I even did a 5km race in 2022 with no training - waaay out of shape and still placed 2nd in a field over 40.

There is a set of stairs in my neighbourhood. I walk up it almost daily. Over 100 steps. Closer to 150. Sometimes if I'll meet a woman and then we leave my place, I walk her up the stairs as a courtesy. I'm amazed how some women are so out of shape and out of breath after going up even a third of the stair case.

I'm not judging them. I'm stating facts. A lot of people are in very poor cardio vascular condition. It's completely foreign to them.

For me, we are on totally different wavelengths. I can run a few miles at the drop of a hat. I'm 5'10 and probably 170, but I don't want to get any heavier. I hope to never be over 200lbs unless it's muscle. I do pushups. I can do 100 pushups easily in a few sets. I was doing over 200/day in the summer of 2023 for a while. Piece of cake for me.

These are very basic measures of fitness for me that I almost take for granted, but they do require effort. As a result I reap the benefits that come with being more physically active. I had my annual blood work and it's excellent. I am 40 and still eat whatever I want. I don't pig out but if I want to eat a donut, easy and I don't feel guilty for a second.

I take care of my body and expect the same from a potential mate. It's that simple.

You're entitled to have whatever preferences you wish. You're even entitled to have absurdly unreasonable preferences if you wish.

But, the more open you are about having fairly shallow standards, the more likely people will use your choice of standards as a reason to filter you out by their standards. For some reason a lot of people with unreasonably high standards are both deeply offended to find out they're not up to someone else's standards and also prone to not holding themselves to any real standards of attractiveness (whether physical or otherwise).

So, feel free to only have interest in women who look like Instagram models, or hell, have standards that would dismiss most Instagram models as too heavy for your tastes, but please don't ever ask for sympathy over a lack of potential partners because your standards dismiss most potential partners as not up to your standard.

It's not that you're not entitled to have standards, it's that you're not entitled to anyone else's sympathy over your romantic shortcomings if your standards are a significant contributing factor, whether because they're "too high", offputting, or literally any other reason.

For what it's worth, I'm also shocked by how out of shape a lot of our peers are. I'm overweight and yet I recover from my shifts a lot quicker than some guys I play with (including guys a lot smaller than I). I wouldn't necessarily assume someone who's overweight is in poor shape in terms of conditioning, from what I've seen it's not a strong indicator. I'm pretty sure the fastest guy in my winter league is in the >220 lber club and he can pull off double shifts like a boss when need be. Someone who's overweight but active will almost certainly have better cardio than a slender couch potato.

You might think you're stating facts, but you're also distorting those facts to suit your real argument, which is that you're unattracted to heavier people for health reasons rather than aesthetic reasons, which sure seems like a dishonest cope to avoid having to admit you're motivated by more shallow aesthetic reasons.

Shallow standards? Lol, that makes no sense. In your mind, ok, but that's an opinion.

The reality is that I take care of my body and prioritize physical fitness. Therefor I expect similar in a mate.
That's pretty understandable.

Shallow implies no depth. It takes some work to maintain a healthy body. Are you implying someone has no depth because they put in the effort to exercise more?

Come on.

I have no problem getting dates. I am not complaining. I have not found someone I'm truly attracted to. And that doesn't mean I'm doing anything wrong either. I can find a woman around my age or a bit older who is attractive to me, but I doubt it is going to last long and that's ok too. If I want to have kids one day which I may, chances are it is with a younger woman. Biologically it makes sense when a woman is in her 20s or 30s. It's a matter of being practical.

I am realistic that no matter how physically fit I am, many women will judge me on my income which by societal standards is very low. Then again, I am completely independent. I just don't have an established career.

I'm well aware that a woman who has a career of her own is probably not going to be interested in me. i accept that.
Does that make her shallow? No, it's her business.

I am honest with women that I use disability. I do not lie to them. I'm up front. A number of them flat out go no contact after I say this. That's shallow, but it is what it is. I have a thick skin.

Sometimes I've met some really hot women online and they ask what I do. I've thought 'yeah, I could lie and say I'm doing better than I am and she would take a while to catch on.. I could possibly sleep with her by embellishing things'
but I do not.

Asking for sympathy? I am not. I think you have an issue with the fact I said what I am attracted to.
Why seriously would you care? It has nothing to do with you.

Statistically, many in North America are obese. It almost feels sometimes that if you are healthier and say what you're attracted to, you face ridicule because you are going against the grain - which has become fat - no joke.

I'll stay healthy. If anything, I lead by example.

I have a date this week with someone I matched with online.

I could talk about my thoughts on online dating but they would be from my perspective as a lesbian on the dating scene, so the situation is a bit different. Plus, I can only talk from my experience.

Would you like me to share such thoughts, or would you rather the thread stay focused on the straight scene? I don't want to derail.

!	Cornflake wrote:
	A block of off topic arguments has been removed. The thread breaks when challenges are made or arguments develop around specific choices made in online dating. If those choices really merit their own discussion it's better to create a new thread dealing with them.