22 Jul 2008, 9:40 pm
22 Jul 2008, 10:20 pm
23 Jul 2008, 12:24 am
makuranososhi wrote:
Endersdragon wrote:
Maybe the problem is your trying to treat him like he is 18 when hes not. I have faced this problem several times before and it has gotten me in trouble. Course next year I begin teaching so who knows what will happen. But back to him, irregardless o how he got here he doesn't seem to be 18. I know that we in America expect every 18 year old to be at such and such place in his life (generally drinking his ass off at nite and going to classes with hangovers in the morning) but needlesses to say, not everybody fits that mold.
So treat him like he is 10 (do not, I repeat do not! word it that way) give him some tutoring sessions yourself, get his levels up to a more proficent level in the next 4 years or 6 years or 2 years or however long it takes (and understand the frustrating he is having in not being able to do this). In addition to this see about if he can take art classes or whatever at the local community college. With chores, make it logical, there is nothing worse for an aspie then illogical chores. What I mean by this is have a one to one ratio of the chores everyone does compared to each other (yourself included). There was nothing worse for me growing up then being forced to clean the living room where I spent maybe 30 minutes a day probably less (and didn't ever make a mess in). If hes doing chores for you, make sure you show him equal amounts of chores your doing for him, and don't even try BSing your way through it (if you say you do such and such chore make sure you do such and such chore.)
The anger is the one serious problem getting in the way off all of this. And quite honestly I don't know how to deal with this. More shrink time and less meds come to mind (if they aren't working why use them?). Also martial arts might be useful here, more self-control would certainly help. Quite honestly this is the one area you really need to get through. With the rest just let him keep being a 10 year old, and if you can get through with the anger maybe use more 10 year old punishments.
So treat him like he is 10 (do not, I repeat do not! word it that way) give him some tutoring sessions yourself, get his levels up to a more proficent level in the next 4 years or 6 years or 2 years or however long it takes (and understand the frustrating he is having in not being able to do this). In addition to this see about if he can take art classes or whatever at the local community college. With chores, make it logical, there is nothing worse for an aspie then illogical chores. What I mean by this is have a one to one ratio of the chores everyone does compared to each other (yourself included). There was nothing worse for me growing up then being forced to clean the living room where I spent maybe 30 minutes a day probably less (and didn't ever make a mess in). If hes doing chores for you, make sure you show him equal amounts of chores your doing for him, and don't even try BSing your way through it (if you say you do such and such chore make sure you do such and such chore.)
The anger is the one serious problem getting in the way off all of this. And quite honestly I don't know how to deal with this. More shrink time and less meds come to mind (if they aren't working why use them?). Also martial arts might be useful here, more self-control would certainly help. Quite honestly this is the one area you really need to get through. With the rest just let him keep being a 10 year old, and if you can get through with the anger maybe use more 10 year old punishments.
Best advice I've read thus far; you cannot equate age and maturity.
M.
Thank you, I just hope she got in, and even more importantly she (and her son, as that is what it ultimately comes down to) agrees.
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23 Jul 2008, 12:52 am
23 Jul 2008, 8:23 am
23 Jul 2008, 10:14 am
23 Jul 2008, 12:07 pm
21 Sep 2009, 12:39 pm
21 Sep 2009, 1:59 pm
carolgatto wrote:
Well it's been a while since I have been on here. Things get a little crazy here with 4 kids, 3 on the spectrum and one with Type I diabetes and still no help. I could use some advice and support.
My AS/Bipolar son graduated high school and turned 18 in June. HS was not a great place for him and they didn't give us an IEP until his senior year, not that it helped him much anyway. The basically just pushed him through to get rid of him. He still cannot do basic math,and was given no help in social skills or life skills. Honestly they graded him on two class periods they didn't know what to do with him so they put him in a classroom with his old cooking teacher, where he sat and talked. He got a C and a B, I guess his conversations were better in one class than the other,lol. So now I am left with an 18 year old who is totally unprepared for life and to make things worse he doesn't want to do anything to help himself. He doesn't want to work, drive, or go to college. I set up an appointment at social security for him to see if he could get SSI and he wouldn't even go, I had to go fill out all the paperwork and bring it home for him to sign and return. He is subject to bipolar rages especially when his meds are off and he nevers remembers to take them unless I tell him to. These rages have caused huge problems in the house. He will go after his 13 yr old brother and break up everything, and he scares the other kids so much, so it is important that he try to keep his med levels even. I cannot get him to enroll in the community college, he says no more school. I finally got him to go to DMV and take his permit test, but he failed the first time and won't go back. I tell him he needs to find a job and he says, "I applied at two places and they didn't call me back"...this is over a two month time period. When I tell him in no uncertain terms he must find a job, he gets all flustered and asks me to find him a job. He doesn't help at all around the house, expects me to just hand him money anytime he wants it, and thinks this is perfectly ok. His only motivation in life is "what's in it for me". Now I know that can be the nature of AS, but when do you say enough is enough. I tell him he must adapt to the world a little because the world will not adapt to him and he says, " NO " flat out. Now I know there are things he can do, he is talented, artistic and pretty smart, but he refuses to do anything positive. The last rage he had, I told him to leave as he got in my face and threatened me and the little kids along with breaking things. He was gone about an hour when he called me asking to come home and promising to change. As much as I wanted him to learn a lesson I knew that he would not make it a day on his own and let him come home. It's like throwing a ten year old out. I just don't know what to do with him and to be honest I have the other three kids to help and just cannot continue to let his behaviors control every moment of our lives. How do I make him see that he can do things, and that he needs to take responsibility for himself? Do I just take him and enroll him in college anyway? Do I find him a job and should we tell his employers about his AS and bipolar? How do you make someone who is 18 but has the emotional age of ten become an adult?
My AS/Bipolar son graduated high school and turned 18 in June. HS was not a great place for him and they didn't give us an IEP until his senior year, not that it helped him much anyway. The basically just pushed him through to get rid of him. He still cannot do basic math,and was given no help in social skills or life skills. Honestly they graded him on two class periods they didn't know what to do with him so they put him in a classroom with his old cooking teacher, where he sat and talked. He got a C and a B, I guess his conversations were better in one class than the other,lol. So now I am left with an 18 year old who is totally unprepared for life and to make things worse he doesn't want to do anything to help himself. He doesn't want to work, drive, or go to college. I set up an appointment at social security for him to see if he could get SSI and he wouldn't even go, I had to go fill out all the paperwork and bring it home for him to sign and return. He is subject to bipolar rages especially when his meds are off and he nevers remembers to take them unless I tell him to. These rages have caused huge problems in the house. He will go after his 13 yr old brother and break up everything, and he scares the other kids so much, so it is important that he try to keep his med levels even. I cannot get him to enroll in the community college, he says no more school. I finally got him to go to DMV and take his permit test, but he failed the first time and won't go back. I tell him he needs to find a job and he says, "I applied at two places and they didn't call me back"...this is over a two month time period. When I tell him in no uncertain terms he must find a job, he gets all flustered and asks me to find him a job. He doesn't help at all around the house, expects me to just hand him money anytime he wants it, and thinks this is perfectly ok. His only motivation in life is "what's in it for me". Now I know that can be the nature of AS, but when do you say enough is enough. I tell him he must adapt to the world a little because the world will not adapt to him and he says, " NO " flat out. Now I know there are things he can do, he is talented, artistic and pretty smart, but he refuses to do anything positive. The last rage he had, I told him to leave as he got in my face and threatened me and the little kids along with breaking things. He was gone about an hour when he called me asking to come home and promising to change. As much as I wanted him to learn a lesson I knew that he would not make it a day on his own and let him come home. It's like throwing a ten year old out. I just don't know what to do with him and to be honest I have the other three kids to help and just cannot continue to let his behaviors control every moment of our lives. How do I make him see that he can do things, and that he needs to take responsibility for himself? Do I just take him and enroll him in college anyway? Do I find him a job and should we tell his employers about his AS and bipolar? How do you make someone who is 18 but has the emotional age of ten become an adult?
He sounds more Bipolar than AS. With that being said, parents on this board give bad advice with regards to AS teens and transitions to adulthood. The best advice is to listen to the folks with ASD who have transitioned into adulthood. The problem here is bipolar, which is playing a much larger role it sounds like than the AS. A pure aspie would have been pretty advanced academically, academics would not be the problem with that transition, the social aspects would be.
Bipolar is a bigger problem, and I hate to say this, but my brother was bipolar. Bipolar is tough, and my advice is to go to a board with parents and family members of bipolar teens. An AS board is not the right place. I hate to say this, but if you are expecting a transition to adulthood at 18...temper your expectations. Think 25 years old. It is that tough and right now he is probably at his peak in terms of the illness. I will also say it may very well take throwing him out (if he becomes a threat for physical violence). That will entail courage and risk. As stated, it may very well involve taking care of him for a long time, so the SSI was a good idea.
I should note Risperidone is the one medication I know friends who have bipolar have success with, but only when they want to improve thier situation (there is a level of self improvement that does need to be necessary). Lithium I always hear about the horror stories, it very rarely works. Even my brother is not on medication got better because he wanted to be a better person, a better man...and now has a skilled labor job that pays pretty well.
22 Sep 2009, 12:56 pm
05 Oct 2010, 2:32 pm
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