Somebody write some poetry

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i didnt laugh at the "chineese burn" laugh at how low she sank and how childish she is

but now i forgive her

Last edited by TheViking on 15 Dec 2005, 1:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I figured as much

now... go read my writings! XD I'm gonna put up another right here, just for the sake of relevancy ^^

I picked this because it's short. It's about a haunt-come-alive in a storyline I call "All in All." I have it all worked out, the story of the ghost, but I just wrote summat short for it.

Demon of Sorrow
human spirit so malignant,
sorrow demon reign so high,
cast a shadow independent.
unseen blackness cover sky.

human spirit, sad and vicious,
on your breath hangs final sigh.
your intention, so malicious.
clouded mind, soul, beg to die.

death spirit, regret incarnate,
darkened heart, betrayed, you cry.
over souls with sorrow innate
cast relieving dark, let fly.

regret spirit, sorrow’s truth,
once so timid, quiet, shy,
spread your wings o’er disturbed youth,
take in your wing, break the sky.

I have happier stuff, but it's all long XD

May shadows on the land
be cast by soccer balls and children,
not bombs and billowing smoke.

Instead, let smoke rise
from sacrificial fires
that purify, not destroy.

Replace the acrid smells
of burning flesh and steel
with incense and smudgepots.

May the clotted blood and putrid flesh
in the gutters and sewers be cleansed
by the mercy of the life giving rains.

Rains flowing like tears
of separation and joy
upon the wounded earth.

mate, that was awesome ^_^

that picture's pretty amazing, too.

Thanks. The picture was the inpiration.

Woah totally forgot i started this thread !

some excellent stuff here.

ridgerider, that was excellent. Gives us all an important message and love the pic that goes with it.

Husky, you like Dir en Grey too ? cool. I love their rock ballads and mellower stuff but not keen on metal so dont really listen to their heavier songs.

So do you guys normally plan out th form of the poem before hand, or do you just write as soon as you get inspiration ?

Anyone of good poetry sites with guides on writing for a newbie ? and forums where people share their work ?

keep it up guys.

\m/\m/m\m/\m/

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !
the world comes to an end
as armegoden comes
people hide in bomb shelters
not knowing they arent safe
and now armagedon reigns
because of the many sins of people
god strikes us with his wrath
all are soul will reach the firey pits of hell
after armagedon reigns
armagedon aeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeigns
armegodon reigns
and now we shall die
muhahahahahahahaha

\m/\m/m\m/\m/

This is a great site if you are serious about learning the craft of writing poetry. It is a great site because they have very strict guidelines and the moderators are ruthless in enforcing them. On any given day, there is always some newbie who skips reading the guidelines then complains about being ill treated by mods, no freedom of speech, the rules of the past don't apply to my unique style, etc etc - all the cliche whinings found on every forum.

Read the guidelines (which include critiquing 3 poems for everyone posted by yourself) and stick to General until you feel comfortable critiquing and used to being critiqued. Don't freak out when harshly criticized - always remember that the poem belongs to the reader as much as to the poet, and the critiques are about the poem, not the poet personally. Start here:

http://www.everypoet.org/pffa/showthrea ... 9967&poems

This first link is to an index of archived threads and articles about poetry writing. Some of the topics are specific to posting on their site.

This next link is to a forum where you can submit poets for critiquing:

http://www.everypoet.org/pffa/forumdisp ... prune=&f=8

If you want to start slowly, with no obligation to critique, there is a sister site which is more for sharing:

http://www.everypoet.net/%7Eeverycom/ppop/

Some bullet points:

Read lots and lots of good poetry. Then read some more.

Show, don't tell.

Avoid abstractions.

The important thing is not how you feel when you write the poem - it is how it makes the readers feel when they read it.

There is a difference between journaling and poetry. (Journaling is fine - it just isn't poetry)

Rhyme and meter are advanced techniques best avoided when starting, unless used in doggeral for comic effect.

Don't be discouraged by harsh criticism - personally, when I used to hang out there, I never critiqued really bad poems - only ones that showed some glimmer of hope. So being critiqued is, IMHO, better than being ignored.

Write big and broad, then cut, cut, cut.

Rewriting is essential. Instant rewrites are mostly useless.

If you don't respect your poem enough to proof read it, why should the reader respect it at either?

Good luck and don't be discouraged if you aren't recognized as a genius your first few poems. 99.99999% of us aren't.

Definitely like Dir en grey, and I can stomach the hard stuff, too ^^

Obviously, Ridgerider write in a much more strict form than I do. I follow no asymptotes when I write. I just do, how I want to and when I feel like it. -shrugs and scratches his head- I dunno. I also don't like to edit work later on. Sometimes it's necessary, but I don't like to do it at all, and I generally refrain from doing so if it can be avoided.
Sometimes I plan before hand as to the topic, but it usually starts with me lying in bed trying to go to sleep, but having my weird movie scene-like thoughts playing out in my head... and then a line or two will come to me, and I'll write them down and that's the beginning. Things like that ^^
I'm not a wolf of structure. I don't read guides on writing, and I suppose I never will, be it because I'm too lazy, or because I don't want to.

I definitely agree, though... please, please, please proofread your work ere submitting it. It's one thing to send a message board post or an IM with typos, but a polished piece of work should be polished ><

That was great. Did you write that Sophist?

I read the poem before taking a serious look at the painting. IMHO, the poem is better without the painting - the painting gives away all its emotional content up front, whereas the poem slowly reveals the true situation, layer by layer, initially giving the illusion of a joyous event about to unfold, a wedding, with kind of a breathy anticipation, then the slide to ambiguity, the first inclinations of doubt this may be something else but easy to ignore or gloss over those hints until the line that carries the most emotional impact in the piece:

"the Deutschmark keeps falling. "

What a great setup for a line that out of context of the poem would be merely some boring detail of mundane life.

The finality of unambiguous quiet despair in:

"Mother says it’s near bed time"

which removes all hope this is even a brief moment of joy, a wedding, in a sad time.

Yes, I wrote that this last summer, based off of the Beckmann painting.

Thank you, ridgerider, for the compliments.

I am impressed. And I am not one to give compliments lightly, for whatever that's worth.

Again, if I were you , I wouldn't post it with the picture. The line about it being "after the painting by Max Beckmann, 1920" is more than adequate to set the scene - the "1920" being especially relevant as the historical context is important. Maybe if posted online make the intro line a click thru to the painting. But the slow peeling away of the layers is what really makes it.

Some might criticize by saying it is a little too prosey but prose poems seem to be more of an accepted form now than they once were. And it seems a good use of prose herein to help understate the despair, lending it even greater power, that in a more formal poetic mode might easily go over the top.

I would encourage you to write some more. Not that there is much of a market for real poetry these days except in personal satisfaction, or at most, other poets' interest.

Craft is what we make to sell, art is what we do even if noone buys it.

I was originally an English Major for a long time and was intending on going on to an MFA. I also do translation, mainly Rilke (who was German).

But as of now, I am having a real down time as per creating anything which I find satisfying or even proud of. I'm giving it a LONG rest and am focusing on psychology (of course) and my art a bit.

I'm feeling terribly depressed about my poetry and have lost the vast majority of my confidence. I have a few pieces which I can look back on with pride and wish I could replicate their success again (Family Picture being one of them), but these feel like they are growing fewer and fewer as time moves on.

Oh well. I'm sure I'll probably come back to it in time. But for now, I have nothing to give to it. (I agree, btw, about the picture but I wanted to post it since it's one of my favorite paintings.)

Here's another piece:

I think I'd eventually use this as my own epitaph if I weren't a detail freak (since my eyes are actually blue, not green).



Prose poetry (though not necessarily in the new short paragraph form) is just about all one sees these days. *sigh* Except for those poets who do some kind of blank verse, and even then one rarely realizes it's a formal poem.

as life becomes death
hell is near
no goodbyes
fistful of regret and sorrow
now you have seen the last of life
and death will be their forever

as the sun decends
and darkness arives
they come from the hills
they ride their horse
with weppons in hand

tonight their will be hell to pay
tonight you better hide
tonight their will be hell to pay
toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!!1


prepare for retribution and terror
from the vikings