New Day New Problem

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Thanks I needed to hear that. I too feel that my husband is just trying to train him up to be a man but sometimes I feel they really don't listen to one another or they are not hearing what they are saying to one another it gets all mixed up and neither of them have any patience. I am glad at least that this time my husband was angry with me then with my son because I can handle him better. My son and him will come to blows. Each thinking they are right and there is no other way and that can get frustrating to see neither of them bend.

As I have figured out in life there will always be some sort of situation that goes on hence the name of my discussion new day new problem.

Report cards are due any day now and that's going to be another situation.

If you ever figure out any answers, let me know

Thanks again

I'm new and just jumping in here...

I have been through this scenario many times, and it is frustrating. This is why I have a reporting mechanism that is acceptable to me outside of the report cards built in to my both of my special needs children's IEPs. That way the school is accountable for reporting, and I have recourse if they don't do it.

If you have access it sounds like you and your husband would benefit from some counseling together. You need to take care of yourself and your marriage. Remember, if you aren't getting your needs met you aren't in any shape to meet somebody else's needs. You also shouldn't give up your own life for your son. He is going to grow up and need to be independent. You shouldn't spend the rest of your life alone because you have a child with AS. You have a right to a life of your own and to share your life with a partner. You might try at work through employee assistance programs for a few counseling sessions, they are usually free. If you have a parents anonymous in the area they are also free and very helpful with family issues. I know your son has needs, I have an AS son and another who also probably is but has not been dx yet. But your husband also has needs and it's not unrealistic for him to expect consideration as well. If he doesn't get it, he will bail. Take it from somebody who's marriage fell apart because of the stresses, it is important to take care of your marriage if it is worth saving. And TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You probably have worried about everybody else's needs so long that you don't even know what your needs are anymore. You have a right to some happiness in your life too. Pink

Yes, we actually did talk about going to counseling so that we can help us for us. You pinned me...I have always been taking care of someone that I have always put aside myself. Its kind of natural now that I probably wouldn't know what makes me happy anymore.

I do want my marriage to work (needlesstosay I bend over backwards for dh) and I do want my son to become independent that would make me happy (and I have to stop bending over backwards for ds).

I am exactly the same way. My husband is always telling me he doesn't know what truly makes me happy. He doesn't mean it in a bad way...he means it in a "like when we were kids playing in a rain puddle" way. He is always encouraging me to find a hobby or something that makes me happy...I'm still working on that. My latest endevour it to learn how to play the acoustic guitar...I have the guitar and the first time I picked it up I broke a string! Ha! Just my luck! I think perhaps I need lessons.

You know, it is healthy for your child to see you have a life. It is modeling socially appropriate behavior. Would you and your husband consider taking a class together? It could be any common interest neither of you have tried before; rock climbing, ballroom dancing, remedial basket weaving - you get the picture. Then your son would see you going out, sharing a common interest together, taking time to be a couple, and enjoying eachother's company. This is healthy! It would also give you time for yourself and maybe improve your marriage some. It's easier to get over the rough spots when there are good times to balance it out. If it's all hard times, it's just not worth it.

momofanspie~ I sense some hesitation to go out and do something with your hubby. My hubby and I have just started going out once a month without the kids. for me, my hesitation lies in the worries I have over how the kids will be while we're gone...mostly I worry about Son...I mean, I know our sitter is capable of handling crises, but I really don't want to place that burden on her. Every time we go out, i worry the entire time about how Son is acting. I know how hard it is to just get started, but it is worth it. My anxiety is becoming less and less these days, as Son is doing much better.

Thanks guys I know we have to go out matter of fact my husband told me he wants us to go away for the day on Saturday and just go have fun (obviously without the son). Where we go it doesnt matter but just to be a couple without thinking of anything will be good. I love my husband very much and I know he loves me too and I have to put as much energy into my marriage as I do for my son, sometimes I have to be reminded because my brain gets stuck on the son.

Thanks you again I love this forum since I always end up feeling better.