RANT HERE!

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I wish was making $23 an hour! That's my rant!

typical aspie me.
i have black jeans and hat, boots, spurs. in certain circumstances i could be persuaded...
oh, wait.
that's for the other forum....

that money is for working overnight on a holiday in spite of a snowstorm, and in the emergency department of a major hospital which means vomit and blood and a 12 year old with a blood alcohol level of 138 (more than 25 gets you arrested) kicking, spitting and screaming obscenities at his mother, and talking to people who drank too much and vomited, let both bowels and bladder go and then rolled around in dirt before the police brought them in all bloody because they cracked open their head or fell into thorny bushes.

your job, should you choose to accept it, is to go in a small room with them and keep your fingers crossed they aren't going to hit you, or worse, spit on you, make sure you have no open cuts or anything, and listen to their tale of woe told in a fog of alcohol halitosis.

on an interesting day you might get the guy who tossed a child into an outdoor wastebasket because he is cleaning up the world for his father. Who is this man? Why, the son of God, of course. Or talk to the lady who walked down the middle of a busy street naked because she had to preach the word of God. But why was she naked? Because she is a tree. That doesn't explain why you were unclothed, you say. Why didn't you have any clothes on? She spreads her arms wide and says with a smile, because I am a tree.

keep a straight face.

then go back among your coworkers who think you are wierd to begin with and would prefer to think of you as impaired because genius doesn't come in brown. When they find out you have aspergers they treat you as if you have been working for 11 minutes instead of 11 years; they try to teach you how to use the phone.

or follow the woman who has escaped from the unlocked program as she tries to board a bus for the next town: she is paranoid and you have to keep her off the bus and where the police and ambulance can get her.

or call police and ambulance for someone who is disorganized and irrational, eating spoiled food (because its organic) or nothing at all and listen to her heart rending cry that she hasn't done anything wrong; commit her to a locked psychiatric unit as she cries and cries and tells you she doesn't understand why you are doing this to her.
or see the boy who is breaking things in his house; he goes from holding a knife to his wrist to throwing it at you, but since you saw it coming you shut a door between you and the knife hits that instead.

it isn't always hard or busy, but you always make up for the slow times.

all of the above are true stories from personal experience as a crisis clinician.

$23 an hour isn't enough, and we get a lot less for regular shifts. We take similar risks as policemen and firemen (not as often and not as intense) but we don't even come close in earning and we have the worst health coverage.
most people burn out within a couple of years. i love the work and so have been able to do it 11 years, without vacations. i went to work yesterday at 3 pm and went home today at 10:30 am - things were busy.

still want my job?

And, of course, the worst part:
working long hours in a tiny room with crappy air circulation and sick people and exhaust fumes from ambulances and people who are ill with things like pneumonia and the flu and the common cold because they are psychotic or alcoholic and don't take care of themselves - that whacks your immune system.
so what happens when i get a couple of days off?
i get sick
two days in bed, and a tiny bit better just in time to go back to work tomorrow. no choice because this job has no sick time and is paying for the lawyer who is helping me to keep the job where everyone hates me and wants me terminated, but which has sick time and retirement benefits.
toss lightly with thoughts and feelings about my personal life that i don't want to understand.
garnish with a gluten episode
serve hot.
let grow cold while you worry about what is going to happen tomorrow.
lose your appetite
throw the whole thing away
lie down
pet cat
read posts on wp
maybe feel better tomorrow...

I don't want your job. I want to get paid $23 an hour.

Last edited by Cade on 06 Mar 2006, 2:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

*Neuroman bows*

you should have more than 23 an hour. your job is much harder than mine and it sounds like you have a lot more administrators to deal with.
the people on the front lines always make the least money.
but they do have the best jobs
i hope you are doing yours for the same reason i am doing mine. i love my work. just not the particular job i have right now.

sounds soooooooooooooo familiar, Cade.

i used to know someone who earned more in bonuses (on top of his astronomical basic pay) than i do in a year, and he still whined on about how stressed he got and how hard his work was (he was - still is, for all i know - a computer account manager or some such thing).

i believe the expression is "go figure".

does the computer guy's lawyer make $80 every time he makes a five minute phone call on his behalf? and decide that he is being uncooperative because he's forgotten that his client has aspergers (in spite of explanations and reminders) and just seems resistant to doing things the way they are supposed to be done?
and can the computer guy be thrown out of his job when he shows up for work just because someone more important wanted the shift?
today when i go to work i will be making less than a pizza delivery guy (they do make good money). if no one has taken my job away.
my mother is a retired new york city public school teacher. she worked in Manhattan most of her life. i know what it is like. i am not complaining about the money. i am complaining about the sword that hangs above my head....

This is not a rant, this is a phew.
got to work through a very nasty snowstorm. snow and ice changed to nasty slushy slippery mess. 25 mph almost all the way. at least this time there were no accidents. last time there were 7. everything else is closed but i am essential personnel.
i need another job....
one with snow days.

A NEW RANT

i don't know what to make of women. i think all guy talk must offend them. if i were NT i probably would be offended at being called a child, but having aspergers for me means i am a child. all my f---ing life i have been split in half. it was the only way i could think to do it. one part adult, earning the money and paying the bills. one part ten year old boy having the time of his life because there is so much money and so many toys i couldn't have before. i have rokenbok! i have slot cars! i have rc cars from walnut sized to 1:6. i have snowshoes. i have root beer. i have a superman lunch box.

and then i come here and play and the adult gets all f---ed up with the child and somebody thinks we are not just playing. women sighing at rilke and giving me advice. i have feelings waking up in me that i don't like because i can't fix them. i stim and they come right back.
i think some were offended by the game we played but i don't know why. what if the next offensive thing is something I do? what if they say its ok and its really not? not everyone on this site is as socially stupid as i am. am i supposed to read between the lines? i can't even read the lines!

i am frustrated and frightened. g-- d--- it, i am not a god. i am not a hero. i'm a freaking 10 year old in a 47 year old body and i can't grow up even if i wanted to!

i am cursed.

insert copious and offensive swear words here.
and don't send me a hug.
right now a hug will feel like someone hit my funny bone and stuffed foil between my teeth. all at the same time.

....i need a rollercoaster.

i, for one, appreciate the honesty. Its the truth that hurts the most.
that's what makes us so gullible.
the truth.
And the literal way we interpret things.
We never realize that others aren't playing fair.
its not fair!! !
couple that, with our in adequate communication skills.
our inability to read body language.
and our inability to be moderate in our focus.
we never see it coming.
others don't play fair.
and we are left knowing the truth is what hurts the most.

Thank you Jack. i, for one, appreciate the honesty.

This thread slowed me down.

deleted

its not supposed to hurt.
i still don't understand.
how do you know when to stop having fun if the other things happen so suddenly and so painfully? i just don't understand. i don't know. i don't know how to ask, and i have no one to ask so maybe it could be that something is wrong with me. this is not really a rant. its just a fog of confusion. i am not angry which i think is needed for a rant. i just don't want to grow up if it is going to be this stupid. i think i will be peter pan and have my lost boys all around me and we'll fight captain hook because we know he is evil and he is the difference between right and wrong. and nothing is confusing and we will all be heroes and the girls will admire us but we won't have to kiss them.
everyone else seems to know what they want. they either want it or they don't. maybe other people are confused, but i have not seen that. i don't know. i think i want it and then it is painful. i think i will play the game and unexpected things happen. who can answer these questions? i posted a question in the romantic relationships thread and all i got were more questions. who can answer this question? is it cross wiring. it can't hurt for everyone or no one would do it. i think it is not supposed to hurt. i think it is not supposed to happen unless you are interested in having more happen. but i am not sure about this either. i don't know who to ask about this. i don't want anyone to laugh at me.
physically and my feelings too.
i think it is not supposed to hurt.
i've completely lost my bearings.

Last edited by Neuroman on 07 Jan 2006, 10:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

i'm not sure i understand - it's a bit too abstract for me to get something to latch onto and know how to answer.

i can see it's about relationships/flirting, but am confused as to exactly what's causing you so much pain. PM me if that would help - i promise not to laugh - been there, done that; still there, still doing it.

answered my own question
it hurts to get aroused when you're sick.

can you tell i didn't used to get sick so often?

f------- therapist.
can't tell the truth to save her life.
i said you don't believe that i'm autistic
she said what makes you think that
i said because you dropped it when i told you i was before
she said you shouldn't assume that i thought so
i said what do you think
she said about what (i should have known red flag right there)
i said about me (mistake - i should have said do you think i am autistic)
she said i think you are in a lot of pain and you are angry and confused
what the ---- did that have to do with the question?
i am not nt and i understood what question i was asking
isn't the therapist supposed to be on my side
isn't the therapist supposed to consider seriously what i say
isn't the therapist supposed to tell the truth
liar
liar
liar
liar
liar
liar

honesty
such a lonely word
everyone is so untrue