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33 year old never been in a relationship- need help.

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Nades
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05 Jun 2024, 1:23 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Nades wrote:
Am I being harsh to her? Yes, do I care, no. This is just what I think likely happened and there isn't anything stopping me from making judgments of her intentions.


So you'll understand why people make harsh judgments of you based upon the attitudes you've expressed and the prejudices you've demonstrated?

Unlike her we can actually evaluate your behaviour first hand.


Honestly no. This is WP.



IsabellaLinton
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05 Jun 2024, 1:24 pm

My ex-h admitted he conned me and married me for my house.
He planned all along to divorce me and take half the whole house even more.
He admitted deception.
He admitted having stolen the best years of my life (we dated since I was 17).

The OP's ex didn't admit anything like that.
Even if she did, what ya gonna do about it?

Again, it boils down to live and learn.

If you wanna be upset with the person, I suppose that's your business.
It seems like a lot of wasted energy, choosing to live in anger and bitterness.

I'm sure that aura of malice will prevent other women from being attracted to him.
We can sense stuff like that, but that's his choice.


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Nades
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05 Jun 2024, 1:31 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
My ex-h admitted he conned me and married me for my house.
He planned all along to divorce me and take half the whole house even more.
He admitted deception.
He admitted having stolen the best years of my life (we dated since I was 17).

The OP's ex didn't admit anything like that.
Even if she did, what ya gonna do about it?

Again, it boils down to live and learn.

If you wanna be upset with the person, I suppose that's your business.
It seems like a lot of wasted energy, choosing to live in anger and bitterness.

I'm sure that aura of malice will prevent other women from being attracted to him.
We can sense stuff like that, but that's his choice.


Well he seemed wound up about it but he said he didn't want to leave because of loneliness. It was a sh***y situation all around.

I'm surprised someone was that forward planning too with taking a whole house and all assets, that sounds pretty damn crap.



funeralxempire
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05 Jun 2024, 1:32 pm

This thread is a reminder that being old enough to consent is not the same as being mature enough to be involved in a sexual relationship.


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Nades
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05 Jun 2024, 1:35 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
This thread is a reminder that being old enough to consent is not the same as being mature enough to be involved in a sexual relationship.


Aimed at me?



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05 Jun 2024, 1:38 pm

Nades wrote:
Well he seemed wound up about it but he said he didn't want to leave because of loneliness. It was a sh***y situation all around.



Agreed. It's sh***y. In my case(s) (2/3), I wanted to leave but couldn't. I tried to hang on because I was very young and had babies. Then he left and I had no choice. I had to wade through the legal system including paying nearly half a million bucks in legal fees over 25 years, because he just won't F Off and Die.

In my second relationship the ahole went bankrupt on purpose to get a free legal-aid lawyer and try to sue me for my assets when the divorce stuff was still being heard in court. So I had to pay legal fees on that one too. I desperately wanted / needed him out of my house but the cops refused.

I'm not trying to say mine is worse and the OP's feelings don't matter, just that all people in breakups go through hell and feel trapped into staying with bad relationships longer than they want.

That's why the antidepressant business is thriving.


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05 Jun 2024, 1:41 pm

Carrying some views that have been expressed in this thread in a slightly different direction, I can envision people being manipulative in relationships by claiming that their partner is practicing nonconsent if they turn down sex or if there’s a dry spell due to sickness, mourning, or whatever.

All of that would probably remove opportunities to have sex with someone else after all.



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05 Jun 2024, 1:47 pm

Mor33 wrote:
Hi all

I'm Sam and I'm 33 year old high functioning autistic man.

I have never dated or been in a relationship with someone as It appears that I'm a little clueless and couldn't tell if a girl/woman likes me in a romantic or sexual way.

Overtime I have fallen into the trap of isolating myself indirectly and avoiding dating as it has seemed impossible. I appreciate it is a subjective matter that's difficult to answer

I have attempted dating or asking people out multiple times and got met with the I'm with someone or my ex did this. It put me off for a long time and extremely worried that due to my inexperience. I will come across as not being worth a look at in dating and relationships.

It's been really hard to try and connect with someone as I think and feel so out of place.

Has anyone else had similar experiences and were able to address it please?

If so I would like to ask you for good advice please?


Hope you got the advice you needed man


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05 Jun 2024, 1:47 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Carrying some views that have been expressed in this thread in a slightly different direction, I can envision people being manipulative in relationships by claiming that their partner is practicing nonconsent if they turn down sex or if there’s a dry spell due to sickness, mourning, or whatever.

All of that would probably remove opportunities to have sex with someone else.


The view was more about not being able to seek out a thirty party to consent with for prolonged periods of time because of being strung along, particularly if the person subject to it has a vulnerability that makes them susceptible to being manipulated in some way or stereotyped as a non sexual "entity" as is common with autism.

Being ill or just falling out of love certainly doesn't count.



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05 Jun 2024, 1:50 pm

Yes. ^ (TP)

There's also the chance that a couple isn't sexually compatible, even if they both want and like sex. Sometimes one person likes things the other person isn't into and it goes nowhere fast. No one is to blame in that situation. It is what it is. That's why I don't think people should get engaged or married before sleeping with their partner more than once.

It's really tiring to see women painted as either frigid, virgins, or whores.

Most of us are somewhere in the middle and will have a decent sex drive if and when we're in the right relationship.

Even then, there can be dips in the road like illness, grief, menopause, etc.


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05 Jun 2024, 1:54 pm

Nades wrote:
The view was more about not being able to seek out a thirty party to consent with for prolonged periods of time because of being strung along, particularly if the person subject to it has a vulnerability that makes them susceptible to being manipulated in some way or stereotyped as a non sexual "entity" as is common with autism.



I don't think autistics are treated as non-sexual entities. Autistic women are often sought because they're considered sensuous and creative lovers. Autistic men are either considered normal (the married, stable ones), or they're considered Incels because they whinge and moan that the world owes them sex. I'm referring to that organized group which feels entitled to murder women they've never met, out of spite. This makes them seem highly sexual, albeit in a criminal and heinous way.

Most autistic men aren't viewed like that though. Most are viewed as normal men, because they are.


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05 Jun 2024, 1:56 pm

Nades wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Carrying some views that have been expressed in this thread in a slightly different direction, I can envision people being manipulative in relationships by claiming that their partner is practicing nonconsent if they turn down sex or if there’s a dry spell due to sickness, mourning, or whatever.

All of that would probably remove opportunities to have sex with someone else.


The view was more about not being able to seek out a thirty party to consent with for prolonged periods of time because of being strung along...
We don’t know if that is what happened, and once again, people are free to break up or turn down sex at any time.



Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 05 Jun 2024, 2:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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05 Jun 2024, 1:59 pm

At this point I think we all agree, s**t happens.
Deal with it.

That's what the rest of us have done.


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05 Jun 2024, 2:10 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Nades wrote:
The view was more about not being able to seek out a thirty party to consent with for prolonged periods of time because of being strung along, particularly if the person subject to it has a vulnerability that makes them susceptible to being manipulated in some way or stereotyped as a non sexual "entity" as is common with autism.



I don't think autistics are treated as non-sexual entities. Autistic women are often sought because they're considered sensuous and creative lovers. Autistic men are either considered normal (the married, stable ones), or they're considered Incels because they whinge and moan that the world owes them sex. I'm referring to that organized group which feels entitled to murder women they've never met, out of spite. This makes them seem highly sexual, albeit in a criminal and heinous way.

Most autistic men aren't viewed like that though. Most are viewed as normal men, because they are.


This is a whole different topic that still crosses over into this. I disagree though. There have been small studies done seeming to confirm that people with autism are infantalised which probably doesn't help much.

A Google image search for "autism" is very telling. I think that people with autism are seen as much less capable and considerably less worthy of bog standard relationships by NT's and to a limited extent other autistics.



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05 Jun 2024, 2:14 pm

Nades wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
This thread is a reminder that being old enough to consent is not the same as being mature enough to be involved in a sexual relationship.


Aimed at me?


Aimed at anyone who thinks "respecting one's right to consent" means having to provide opportunities for others to consent with them.


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05 Jun 2024, 2:16 pm

In some cases yes, we're exploited for our naive and trusting nature.
There's proof of that right here in the history of WP.

imo it doesn't mean we're considered asexual.
Everyone knows autistic men want sex, just like any other man.

The problem seems to be that we aren't good at relationshipping.


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