Is there even a point to living if you're ugly?

Post Reply New Topic

That’s a ridiculous question, in my opinion.

“Ugly” is almost always a subjective judgment.

I’ve known many people who call themselves ugly. Almost all are definitely not ugly according to my impression.

And even if you are ugly—so what? Almost all ugly people have something to contribute.

Yes, the objectification of women is still very much around and can be awful.

The important questions are: what to do about it on a societal level, and how to escape it in the meantime, to whatever extent is is possible to escape it.

Is there any kind of feminist subculture you can get involved in, to get away from the expectations of society in general, and to find friends and perhaps even a meaningful job?

I don't know what things are like in "The Baltics," but, in at least some locales within at least some countries, it may be possible to either work for or build a business targeted at one or more particular subcultures, or perhaps work for some relevant nonprofit.

______________________________________________________________________________

some people are superficial and materialistic. they treat people that they find attractive, better than they treat people that they find ugly. however, that could be involuntary, natural, or subconscious. not everyone finds the same thing attractive.

some physically deformed and handicapped people work at jobs and get married successfully.

there are laws against discrimination in the workplace. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. (fine). however, the EEOC does not (yet) cover aesthetic appearances per se. if your appearance is a result of a disease, then that is an EEOC protected class.

telecommuting job

however, plenty of people never get married.

there could be many reasons why you have no romantic relationship. appearance is just one reason.

what one person finds attractive, another person finds ugly.

people want different things in their dates: appearance, personality, $$$. if you (or they) think one of those things is inadequate, you might have to make up for it with a better appearance or by earning more cash.

regardless of appearance, "life" goes on.

plenty of people unemployed.

plenty of people are bad at their jobs, hate their jobs. not everyone works in their ideal job.

I think that's a very silly question. I'm not the most attractive person, but I can make very beautiful art.

The core of this issue is lack of self-acceptance. I know many people with autism struggle with this one.

Accept yourself and you'll be far likely to find others accept you. It rarely works the other way around, except in certain situations such as therapy, which might benefit you.

I was shamed for being ugly when I was a child. I grew up paranoid about my big nose and thick eyebrows and crooked feet. I still hate my feet and am getting surgery for them, but the other stuff I've learnt to accept. Most people seem to admire thick eyebrows these days! And my nose gives my face character. I've met guys over the years who have found me attractive. If you haven't, you're probably giving out the wrong vibes. Accepting yourself and making the best of yourself comes across to others, so the opposite will too.

If you were shamed by others for your appearance that might explain why you feel so bad. Therapy could help with that. It has me.

Whatever you look like does not mean you should give up on living. There is more to life than looks. Look at Mother Teresa - she was hardly a supermodel, yet she is remembered for the beautiful person she was inside.

I suggest doing some therapeutic work on accepting yourself. You are worth that.

I didn't read all the responses, but here's my input. My BFF was "ugly". She talks about how her only lot in life is to give people directions when they are lost. She dressed down, she looked down, she talked minimally, etc. Then in her mid to late 30s she decided to engage with the world differently. She looked up (and yes, dressed up a bit), she started a new hobby, and by golly she had a very first relationship (and a couple more over the next decade). So, to some small degree, she found the "worth living" was in her control, at her initiative.

This is a very serious topic for folks with major facial deformities from birth or accident. It pulls at my heartstrings how difficult it can be, when ideally it would not be.

I am "ugly" relative to work right now --- I don't want to face the bias, outright discrimination and betrayal. That too is in my control to some degree, to find the workplace where I will be "beautiful" (appreciated), but I'm discouraged (recovering?). Ah, well, I decided in my 40s that it was definitely worth living and I am staying with that conclusion. I am at the point that the rewards outweigh the suffering.

Wishing you relief and goodness.

I find it hard to find anyone truly ugly. Anyway, yes there is, looks eventually fade anyway. I have no idea what I look like and it makes me anxious but I try to control what I can to be happy. If you focus on developing yourself, getting in touch with things you love and trying to pursue passions, even if it’s only on the side might help. Also, what makes you so sure you are ugly? So many ppl who I think are conventionally attractive think they are ugly. People have treated them badly but not bc they’re ugly, more bc they sensed weakness in them and were jealous. Apparently models are sone of the most insecure women in the world.

i have found out that true ugly is always on the inside, even the insides of people our culture says are the ultimate in beauty on the outside. this is 12 years after Bluerose's post, i hope if you are reading this, Bluerose, that you have found some measure of happiness. and i don't believe for a second that you are anything to do with that "U***" word. i know you are very likely a beautiful human being no matter what.

I'm "pretty" but I was also born on the autism spectrum so "pretty" hasn't given me the advantages I thought it would give. It doesn't matter what you look like in this world. What matters is how much you like yourself.
We are all, no matter what we look like, just getting through the day. It's harder for some people to be polite and considerate. I've been used and discarded plenty.
There are people who treat others for who they are as complete people, and I think advertisements have gotten more inclusive, representing all kinds of appearances. We can't help how we are born.
You can have a good life with autism but it's harder. Not all people are emotionally mature. Seek out people who will accept you and don't worry about those who don't. They're not worth your time and/or energy.
You have to be proud of who you are and what you can do.