Were you a gifted child? How are you seen as adult?

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Pieplup
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25 Jul 2020, 3:37 pm

blooiejagwa wrote:
Pieplup wrote:

As a Child highly gifted
As an Adult Highly inadequete


my nice brother fits this description
but i wonder what the best way is to fix this.. because i think a lot of the adult inadequacies may result from (or be increased by) no early intervention as a child (no identification or minimization of 'defects' because the child just seemed so 'perfect' )... so the adult things that could have been eased into are instead like an insurmountable challenge.

i guess early identification and intervention is the key to success in these cases.
but very jealous of the 'gifted but autistic' kids who get those things ages 3-5

i was NOT gifted but they thought i was nearing gifted-
from how much i read -

(so they put me in the 'not quite gifted but not quite normal' class, this had children in
grades 5 and 6 combined in one class)

my actual grades soon proved them wrong... even though i was only expected to do work of my age level, i was getting bad grades in everything except english.

i have never been close to gifted-- only hyperlexic..
and actually quite stupid overall...i guess it is a blessing because then less was expected of me...
whereas with him.. he had so much pressure to manage on his own -
and it gave him a serious nervous breakdown a few times..

i guess in that sense, paradoxically, being gifted is a hindrance
Yes there seems to be alot of similarity between me and your brother. I always put to much pressure on myself to be perfect I never misbehaved in class always did my best. They wouldn't help me because I got good grades. The only real intervention i received as a child was for my handwriting and I really didn't respond that great to that either. No one thought I was dyspraxic because I played sports and other things just fine. But thanks to burnout everything just fell apart in middle school. Now I can hardly do anything. (although my perfectionism might cause me to exaggerate that a bit. I'm not entirely sure if that if I had more adult intervention would help. I always drove myself to conquer everything. IF anything OT only made this worse because ti convinced me that my flaws could be fixed. It seems. My brother never done great academically and can barely pass high school with help from my parents. He isn't that smart tho, to be entirely fair me and my dad and my sister are smarter than most people. as For hyperlexic, My brother might have a slightly higher reading level than most people but I don't think it's anything major enough to be considered hyperlexia. I'd say i'm hyperlexic cause I could read at a high school+ level when I was 8 however I didn't teach myself to read earlier on so kinda hyperlexic. and for the most part the things I struggled with were things that people didn't expect people my age to do. and Now with burnout the things I really struggle with are to hard for me to learn to do that It'd take me years to learn how to do some of them. It just takes to much energy. Schools wouldn't help me because I didn't self-advocate well or really at all. Didn't show any behavior problems and got good grades. That along with me trying to deal with my trauma and PTSD led me to burning out in middle school. I'm curious has your brother reached burnout stage yet?


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Romofan
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25 Jul 2020, 7:44 pm

How am I seen as an adult?

"What ever happened to him? He seemed so talented, but he could never get it together. He never matured a day, it seems, he's like a tenth grader in many ways. As people got careers and got married, he seemed to be left behind"


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Gentleman Argentum
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26 Jul 2020, 2:34 am

Romofan wrote:
How am I seen as an adult?

"What ever happened to him? He seemed so talented, but he could never get it together. He never matured a day, it seems, he's like a tenth grader in many ways. As people got careers and got married, he seemed to be left behind"


Marriage ain't all it's cracked up to be, and as for careers, well that's a nice way to earn some scratch. I reckon career is worth getting, marriage, nah.


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Gentleman Argentum
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26 Jul 2020, 2:44 am

Romofan wrote:
Drugs are such a tough subject! I am now personally opposed to recreational drugs. I'm lucky that my overindulgence in alcohol did not kill me, and I suspect that many Aspies don't react to such chemicals in 'normal' fashion.

Since it is human nature to dabble in escapism, though, I realize that any such public policy would be folly. Besides, the corruption which inevitably comes with any crackdown on such substances is far worse than addicts run amok. And it would be sheer hypocrisy to not recognize that after having my fun in my teens and twenties I wish to deny such to others.

I do take antipsychotics and nonstimulant ADHD drugs. Every now and then I quit and try to do without...but my head simply doesn't respond. Straight Edge and Cold Turkey are the best drug policies, but my flesh is alas too weak


Well my philosophy is to each his own, I see a great benefit in many medicines. For instance, my father needed the medicine he took his whole life to manage his mood swings. Without it, inevitably he would get the manic phases that were so disasterous and scary, followed by the crashes. If he started skipping the medicine, thinking he could do without it, that was when disaster struck.

The only drug I have a weakness for is marijuana, I have fond memories of it and have a funny feeling I will be reacquainting myself with it at some point years from now, when I am retired, but while I work, certainly not. I discovered through experimentation that marijuana makes me less effective at work. I lose the edge that is so important in a competitive and challenging environment.


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Romofan
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26 Jul 2020, 2:56 am

I would never dictate what substances a person can take, because our heads are so different, and because it is none of my business.

I would totally have everything legal, so no drug dealing organizations could use the wealth to dominate societies.

I do have to acknowledge that the toll, especially on the young and inexperienced, would be quite high in such an environment. Families would bear the burden of drug education/prohibition, and the results would be ugly in some cases.


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Gentleman Argentum
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26 Jul 2020, 2:59 am

blooiejagwa wrote:
you are SO MUCH like me (in the way Aspie-ness presented) ! it's actually shocking me.. similar to some stuff another user IsabellaLinton told me..
i guess that's why they can form the category for it.. because the shared characteristics are undeniable..

i barely spoke too and it also came out liek that.. trailed off mid-way.. lost..
kids also made fun of me..
i was so bad with clothes.. that's how i broke my tooth

i would remove my arms from sleeves secretly and go around during recess like that hoping nobody could see..
still do that but not in public...

lack of coordination.. always the last one picked for anY P.E. activity/team ... felt so humiliated..
etc
i also thought maybe i had early signs of dementia, when i was in my early twenties..


i would call XH to ask him basic things like which aisle to go in during groceries,
in a panic..

or have him stay on the line or call him repeatedly so i would be able have an 'anchor' and i bet that's a huge part of how he got sick of me.

my XH's mom used to call me 'low-functioning and dysfunctional' and she was the only person who said it straight up
and she was right..


I got picked last for P.E. too, due to lack of coordination, and was never any good at team sports, but it doesn't bother me. I thought P.E. was stupid and I had greater humiliations to contend with than getting picked last. Like failing ninth grade :lol: .

As for clothes- I dispense with them when I can, in the privacy of my own home, as they do not feel comfortable to me.

I don't think about my soon-to-be ex-husband, except in terms of how did I make that horrible mistake.

Don't Look Back, You're Not Going in that Direction.

Don't give all those negative voices room in your head. You have got to be your own advocate and your own best friend.


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Romofan
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26 Jul 2020, 3:11 am

Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Romofan wrote:
How am I seen as an adult?

"What ever happened to him? He seemed so talented, but he could never get it together. He never matured a day, it seems, he's like a tenth grader in many ways. As people got careers and got married, he seemed to be left behind"


Marriage ain't all it's cracked up to be, and as for careers, well that's a nice way to earn some scratch. I reckon career is worth getting, marriage, nah.


I realize that I was probably not cut out to be a good parent. I have never been a steady earner, and I have always struggled to make sense of my self...there wouldn't have been much attention for my wife and kids given my self-absorption.

Still, as I progress into my 50s I can't help but think about the kids that I could haver had. Perhaps the obligation to take care of them would have "straightened me out".

On bad days, I wonder if my self esteem was so low that I didn't want to make copies of myself


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Gentleman Argentum
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26 Jul 2020, 3:20 am

Aspie1 wrote:
My opinion is "meh". :| I really don't care if I taper off Effexor this year, or allow it to be a lifetime thing.

If world history taught us (societal "us") anything, it's that bad things meant to be temporary always, always become permanent. Enhanced airport security. Patriot Act. Militarized police. Social distancing measures. Quarantines and lockdowns. Wearing masks. Riots in American cities.

On the same note, my alcohol habit at age 12 was meant to be a one-off thing, to help me feel better after traumatizing therapy. Guess what, I still drink frequently at age 37. Smoking during college was meant to be a stop-gap measure until I'm old enough to buy alcohol legally, which is more effective than cigarettes. Well, I still smoke, even if not daily. Having sex with an escort, at age 22, was originally supposed to be once and only once, to lose my virginity. I still have sex with escorts, albeit with a 3-year hiatus from 2017 thru June 2020.

So who's to day I won't be taking Effexor for life, even though I got it last year to pull myself out of depression? :| It's dirt-cheap under my insurance plan. And when I first started taking it, it sent me into massive euphoria! I even made out (snogged) with a woman in a nightclub after inadvertently mixing it with alcohol.


I don't view prostitution through a moral lense, it is a neutral business transaction, much like the massages that cost me $70 ($60 + $10 tip) an hour. It is really a question of how you want to spend your dough. There is a huge industry dedicated to separating guys from their scratch by catering to the sexual impulse, I urge caution. The cheapest product is porn, that is what I would recommend over escorts, although massage has its points. Best is to manage the impulse so it does not tax the finances or emotions too much.

I have already expressed my views on alcohol, I find absolutely no value in it and much potential harm. It is my opinion you open up a gateway on the astral plane during intoxication and beckon evil spirits to come into your world from the outside. They use human beings as their puppets.

Cigarettes are really anti-social these days, I never really felt tempted to indulge that habit. There are a lot of bad things put into cigarette tobacco, if you must smoke I'd recommend buying your own tobacco and rolling your own or using a pipe. I know most folks don't care, but I read about the ingredients that Big Tobacco puts in those things, and it is really an eye-opener.

I guess you pay your money, you take your choices. We are all going to die anyway, right? :skull:


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firemonkey
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26 Jul 2020, 11:14 pm

I'm another one with poor coordination who was usually picked last for a team . I was shoved in goal ,and let in many goals. That gave the other boys at public school a sick and twisted justification to bully me even more.



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27 Jul 2020, 3:06 am

firemonkey wrote:
I'm another one with poor coordination who was usually picked last for a team . I was shoved in goal ,and let in many goals. That gave the other boys at public school a sick and twisted justification to bully me even more.


That seems a common thread on wrong planet--bad experiences in gym class. P.E. was hell. Our teacher in high school was a violent-tempered man that turned a blind eye to bullies and let them do whatever they wanted. There was blood on the gym floor more than once. Usually the victims got in trouble--he would punish the victims. It was a required class too.


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27 Jul 2020, 10:19 am

Blood on the gym floor. ,, ugh.... not very appetizing gym to train in, and. Very much worse teacher. Imho


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usagibryan
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27 Jul 2020, 10:29 am

By my family I was, I was "the smart one" or "the good one" because all I did was read, play video games or spend time on the computer. I was also obsessed with space and scifi, and bugs. In school however I got poor grades because I could not pay attention in class, I just spaced out all the time, my mom relied on some of the girls from school to let her know I had homework. I was classified as "emotionally handicapped" and put in the same classroom and category as the "bad kids" who had behavioral issues and would act out and start fights and throw tantrums, etc. I never did that I just couldn't focus and was easily overwhelmed, being in the same room as those kids did not help.


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blooiejagwa
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27 Jul 2020, 6:30 pm

Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
My opinion is "meh". :| I really don't care if I taper off Effexor this year, or allow it to be a lifetime thing.

If world history taught us (societal "us") anything, it's that bad things meant to be temporary always, always become permanent. Enhanced airport security. Patriot Act. Militarized police. Social distancing measures. Quarantines and lockdowns. Wearing masks. Riots in American cities.

On the same note, my alcohol habit at age 12 was meant to be a one-off thing, to help me feel better after traumatizing therapy. Guess what, I still drink frequently at age 37. Smoking during college was meant to be a stop-gap measure until I'm old enough to buy alcohol legally, which is more effective than cigarettes. Well, I still smoke, even if not daily. Having sex with an escort, at age 22, was originally supposed to be once and only once, to lose my virginity. I still have sex with escorts, albeit with a 3-year hiatus from 2017 thru June 2020.

So who's to day I won't be taking Effexor for life, even though I got it last year to pull myself out of depression? :| It's dirt-cheap under my insurance plan. And when I first started taking it, it sent me into massive euphoria! I even made out (snogged) with a woman in a nightclub after inadvertently mixing it with alcohol.


I don't view prostitution through a moral lense, it is a neutral business transaction, much like the massages that cost me $70 ($60 + $10 tip) an hour. It is really a question of how you want to spend your dough. There is a huge industry dedicated to separating guys from their scratch by catering to the sexual impulse, I urge caution. The cheapest product is porn, that is what I would recommend over escorts, although massage has its points. Best is to manage the impulse so it does not tax the finances or emotions too much.

I have already expressed my views on alcohol, I find absolutely no value in it and much potential harm. It is my opinion you open up a gateway on the astral plane during intoxication and beckon evil spirits to come into your world from the outside. They use human beings as their puppets.

Cigarettes are really anti-social these days, I never really felt tempted to indulge that habit. There are a lot of bad things put into cigarette tobacco, if you must smoke I'd recommend buying your own tobacco and rolling your own or using a pipe. I know most folks don't care, but I read about the ingredients that Big Tobacco puts in those things, and it is really an eye-opener.

I guess you pay your money, you take your choices. We are all going to die anyway, right? :skull:


i agree with you on all points here.

that which i hadn't considered thoroughly, your logic convinces me here.
very well put!


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blooiejagwa
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27 Jul 2020, 6:33 pm

Jakki wrote:
others seemed to think i was gifted but the matter which it was demostrated to me was less than desireable to myself but now . Realising that at the time , Autism was not well documented,
And ranked right along there with mongoloidism , and other varieties of humans that did not fit the standard NT definition .Much worse No standards of care hadn't been devised , It had become painfully obvious to society many years later . Even to this day standards of care for Other than
NT persons. Are woefully inadequate , worldwide . imho .



yea. it was shown clearly with this covid19 situation.

lots of managers and ppl in the system, supposedly to help disabled ppl in long term care, scrounge , mismanage, scam the govt and families and clients essentially..
outbreaks that could have been prevented weren't.
then, when they could have been managed with the $$ govt gives for Protective things like gloves/masks/etc, that wasn't done.

then, care was limited as all workers without it refused to come back (justified!) and 2 (sick) infected nurses were managing round the clock (taking shifts while the other nurse slept) in order to look after all these disabled adults.
in a first world country, where these managers didn't even take the donation of PPE that they supposedly asked the mayor to ask us to give them...i guess it wasn't money they could scam away so they didn't care


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28 Jul 2020, 6:15 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I wish I was an artist...


Make it happen.

I'm an artist, whether or not I'm much of an artist is another question entirely.

Romofan wrote:
My first IQ test taken as an adult destroyed any notion that I was "gifted". While my "Verbal" totals were comfortably in the 90th percentile...the other scores were awful.

My abilities to "code" symbols, "design" blocks, and assemble objects were pathetic.

It's like God stitched together an English teacher and a French-Fry spilling minimum wage worker


Sounds like a career as an emcee might be for you. :mrgreen:


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28 Jul 2020, 10:41 am

Gentleman Argentum wrote:
firemonkey wrote:
I'm another one with poor coordination who was usually picked last for a team . I was shoved in goal ,and let in many goals. That gave the other boys at public school a sick and twisted justification to bully me even more.


That seems a common thread on wrong planet--bad experiences in gym class. P.E. was hell. Our teacher in high school was a violent-tempered man that turned a blind eye to bullies and let them do whatever they wanted. There was blood on the gym floor more than once. Usually the victims got in trouble--he would punish the victims. It was a required class too.


Admittedly this was nearly 50 years ago, but my housemaster said to our local vicar that some boys are the type to be bullied. No mention of bullying being wrong.