How to avoid Dating a Narcissist

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I am a recently diagnosed autistic female. I'm 47 and I've definitely been attracted to my fair share of narcissists. I think they love my mask. It is a very feel good sort of being. I know exactly how to get people to like me. It helps me in my work, but in my personal life it's been a disaster because the people hungriest for the tender morsel of my interest and zest are exactly the most twisted mean people out there. I used to fall for their own mask hook, line and sinker every time. I knew in my gut it was saccharine and quite nauseating, but that was exactly what I pushed away in the process of dishonoring myself. Just starving for love and hoping no one was going to catch how weird I was.

Everything is different now. I am loving myself and I will not be prey any longer. As I read a lot of the responses on this thread, I want to say I'm glad a lot of you are repulsed by the manipulative show these people put on. Good for you, because it's twisting up something sacred and stomping on it what they do. It's just plain mean and I am glad you catch it. Me, before, I fell for it every time, and I was shocked each time when they got me in their clutches and then showed me their true horrible self. Most recently it happened at a point of vulnerability in my life, he was a predator and he thought he had me and he showed me his demon- I ran, and fast. But that was truly the last time. Everything is different now when there is a core of love that I can dip into as I accept my quirky self and don't try to be anything else.

new here and wanted to say thank you for this posting re: narcissism

It is true that all people have different life experiences and therefore different viewpoints

and personally I have found that people who have never experienced narcissism have a difficult time really understanding it... perhaps like many NTs have no clue about what it is like being neuro-divergent

of course no one can dx another except for professionals, but there are traits, as mentioned in many posts here, that are helps to identify whether someone may be of the dark triad personalities... and I wish it was taught in high schools that there truly are empathy-less predatory people out there who only see other humans as a means to their gains in one way or another

In my opinion based on my life experience, I believe that there are more narcissists/dark triads out there than most people realize...one reason, I believe, is because, well like here in USA narcissism is kind of celebrated and encouraged...do what it takes to get to the top, even if you have to step on others to do so. Means to and end kind of thing. Many narcissist-types are in high positions and careers. They wear one mask in front of the public and at home they can be raging monsters...even if they dont rage, if that makes sense...silent treatment, isolating their spouse, abusing their children where no one can see, etc. In public they are giving, and volunteers... so that if an abused partner or child speaks out they are barely, even if at all, believed.

it is insidious and narcs never admit to fault, so there probably are not that many who have an actual dx, therefore the stats on how many narcs are out there is, in my opinion, far lower than actual reality.

And there are MANY in the churches, believe me. Many abusers (narcs or not... and in my opinion MOST narcs ARE abusers for they lack empathy...they just don't it) are attracted to leadership positions in churches... one way I can tell now is, does the pastor ever clean a toilet? lol just kidding, but that kind of serving is usually beneath a Narc.

thanks for letting me share... I think many innocent children would be spared abuse if young people were taught the signs of the dark triad personality types and not marry them or have kids with them. Many people become flying monkeys for narcissists because they are so charming/wealthy, etc and the victim is usually doubly victimized when her friends or pastor or counsellor, etc says things like... oh but they were never mean to ME kind of thing... making the victim less supported.

anyhow, dont mean to be verbose, just appreciate sharing my experience... thank you all who posted the red flag warnings... it is good to learn that we dont need to share deeply with everyone we meet, because some people will use our info against us. To some people, those who are open and share are merely tools for them to uplift themselves at the vulnerable person's expense, just for sport

one more thing... narcissist in my life all followed the same sort of behaviours.... such as if they know what is important to you they will seek to mock or destroy it... also if they get you upset in your emotions, they stand there with a smirk on their face.

learning to gray rock and not feed these what I call emotional vampires my emotions has helped to cause these kinds of people to not want me around... and their discard is my freedom... just dont let them hoover you back in when they circle back around for more supply from you... no contact is healing~~

Thanks I agree we are so vulnerable and naive. Thanks for making a thread about tips. I really need it.

A new face.
Hi BGT,
Welcome to WP.

As someone who’s navigated relationships with those suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I wanted to share some key insights on how to spot the warning signs, especially for those who might struggle with recognizing manipulative behaviors due to neurodivergence. NPD individuals are often charming, manipulative, and lack empathy—traits that can be difficult to see until it's too late.

Signs of NPD:

Excessive need for admiration: They crave constant praise and will use others to get it.
Lack of empathy: They don’t care about your feelings or needs.
Manipulative behaviors: Gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and playing mind games.
Entitlement: Believing they deserve special treatment.
Public persona vs. private abuse: They may appear kind and generous in public but be emotionally abusive at home.

For neurodivergent people, recognizing these behaviors can be even harder because we might not pick up on social cues or understand others’ intentions right away. NPD individuals also tend to exploit our vulnerabilities, making it easier for them to manipulate or control us.

Tips for Protecting Yourself:

Set firm boundaries and practice the gray rock method—remain emotionally neutral to avoid giving them what they want.
Trust your instincts: If something feels off, it probably is.
No contact: Going no-contact is often the most healing step after narcissistic abuse.

I’ve learned that NPD individuals often hide behind masks of charm and generosity, especially in public, so it’s important to be cautious and trust your judgment. The more we understand these behaviors, the better we can protect ourselves and those we care about from falling prey to NPD individuals.

Let’s educate ourselves and share experiences to ensure we can live in healthier, safer relationships!