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When my brother orders spaghetti in classy restaurants, he likes to paint a smile on his face with the sauce and then pretend he's the Joker or Pennywise the clown. Then he tries to jumpscare the waitress when she come over to ask how everything's going. He is not a well man.

My bedroom is infested with iguanas. I read on the internet that the solution is to put out food for them, but now more are coming and I'm running out of food. I must be doing it wrong, since the internet is always right.

I'm married with 13 children.

I don't believe in computers.

My NT sister and her high school frenemy (who we call "The Dear") got a graphic novel
copyrighted through the US Copyright Office and are looking for a good publisher.

I have a strong Cockney accent.

My mom does not speak with a thick accent.

Donald Trump is not controversial.

Mean people don't suck. Nice people do! If only we had more mean people in the world, the world would be a better place.