Things I have learned in life about being female

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So am I. Sometimes I don't even feel like I have my own space at home unless I've got on ear plugs, headphones and the fan blowing for white noise.
How do you talk yourself into leaving the house?

It's hard to do that, especially here lately. Sometimes I have to bribe myself with a treat, like deciding I'm going to get a certain thing to eat, or go shopping in a thrift store to find a bargain. You can see the evidence in my house of how often I have to bribe myself, with all the knicknacks and other thrift store bargains, lol, not to mention evidence of my food and beverage bribery. Sometimes just being too nosy and curious about what's going somewhere finally makes me leave. But sometimes nothing works.

I give myself little goals like if I'm going to the corner store for half n half , I repeat in my head "half n half and trust, half n half and trust." The trust part has more to do with relaxing my body so that I brace less though I still brace hard. It helps me to have something on my mind so that I can block out all the fray.

When I don't move in time and a another person touches me, I say "excuse me", because I always think that it was my duty to move out of the way and the other person is probably irritated that I didn't follow this obvious social rule.

There's was one time when I took a bus for a pretty long journey and there was a big lady sitting between me and the aisle. I did my best to press myself to the window so that we wouldn't touch but it didn't work and later she moved to another seat. That made me feel bad that I invaded her personal space even though there was nothing I could do.

BTW, I hope you don't mind me posting here?

Malicious space taking? I imagine most people who get to close or who bump into you or get in your way are either not paying attention because they are talking or thinking about something or don't have the same feelings about a space bubble that you do. Sure some people are so full of themselves that they think they can do what they want and everyone is in their way, but I'm pretty sure that the number of actual malicious space takers is fairly small.

I know that sometimes when I'm out and thinking about something else I do things that somebody who didn't know the whole situation could write off as malicious space taking, but that isn't it at all. Sometimes when walking I don't pay as much attention as when driving. I don't run into people but it's not a big deal and I can say excuse me and it's fine. Not malicious at all. I honestly had no idea that malicious space taking was actually a thing. I'd really suggest being open to the fact that it's most likely not malicious for the majority.

OOM, she was expressing her perception, and you have responded with your judgment of her perception as if you are sole arbiter of fact, ending with unasked for advice on how she can "correct" her perception. This tends to create unnecessary conflict.

Did you ever read about the "I'm OK You're Not OK" response position outlined in the famous book "I'm OK You're OK"? Everyone perhaps strays into that position sometimes, though never with very good outcomes here, and never when people are opening up about sensitive personal experience.

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey. Along came someone's opinion which threatened MMuffet sense of her own upright citizenship so instead of asking for clarification or showing compassion, she says I must be blind to context.

So you had rather I had reinforced the idea that most people maliciously take others space? You know as well as I do that most people aren't out there trying to get over on somebody else by standing wrong. Why in the world do you see it as wrong to point out that her perception is most likely off? Realizing that would probably give her some comfort, as opposed to seeing people's movements as purposeful aggression. You think not pointing out a different opinion is more important than telling someone the truth? I didn't speak up about a personal opinion, I spoke up about a perception that many people are maliciously walking and sitting. I didn't do it in a judgmental way either, I just said it. No, I didn't try and skirt around the fact for six paragraphs while I sympathized and validated and such, because I really didn't think it was necessary. If I thought that most people were doing something malicious when it's most likely normal I think I would gain some comfort from being told that it probably wasn't true and that comfort would outweigh any offense I might take to someone else daring to question my feelings and tell me that the facts were probably different.

I didn't do anything wrong. It clearly upsets her to believe that people do that maliciously so why in the name of all that is unholy would it be anything other than good to point out that it's probably not that way? Or do you think reinforcing negative and distressing views that others hold is a particularly helpful and valued action?

Not at all. I was trying to point out to you that most people aren't walking or moving in an attempt to insult someone, because it seemed to me that you believed they did and it bothered you. My post was to show you a different point of view, which I still pretty much believe is fact, and hopefully give you a different POV on it and give you some relief about it. In other words I was trying to get across to you that most weren't doing that so you wouldn't worry about it so much. I was doing a nice thing. But hey, you have every right to worry about movement with bad intention and to worry about it with nobody trying to help you feel better about it and not worry anymore. So of course, my bad, I had no right to intrude on your opinion about nefarious walking, and I certainly had no right to phrase it in a way that I felt would make you smile.

Trust me, I won't ever point out to anyone here again that things aren't as bad as they feel they are. However, I'm perfectly happy for someone to tell me that I'm worrying over nothing. In fact, it usually makes me feel better when they do I think about what they said and see they are right. But I'm sure something is wrong with me for being that way.

Completely agree with OOM here. She was trying to be reassuring.

OOM, I said I've seen malicious space taking happen; I did not say it's the reason for most people bumping each other in public spaces.

And, if you will read the first sentence of my post...I said,
"That's the thing - it doesn't matter if they were doing it on purpose or they just didn't see you. It's no show of concern or effort to share space that really bothers me and makes me want to run all over people actually."

sure it's not always deliberately,
but often you find it's subconscious deliberate

you see it when you know it
rural; make a nice fence, any neigbor(here) starts throwing it's pile of rubbish against it, why putting your rubbish as much as you can at next door?
my female neighbor pushing her friends to park their car at my parking place, everytime
me loading and unloading, them drinking coffee and important socializing, is it an entry-test for being friends?
-just when you thought you were safe---suckah--(bootsy/landshark)

Yes, there are aggressive people who think they own the world. Sometimes, they even express this view in the way they walk and take up space on the sidewalk.

I've lived in NYC all my life. It's a heavily populated and crowded place.

I do see "malicious space-taking" when people are in a rush to get to a train when they are late for work or something. They bump into people and push people aside.

And there are people who try to barge in when they are on line to buy something.

Yes, there are hoodlum types who blatantly take up space, and try to prevent others from a smooth passage in the street.

Yes, sometimes one has to "play chicken" with someone coming your way. It's a game whose rules are "who moves first?"

By and large, though, in the streets, unless somebody is a hoodlum, people of all genders make way for each other. Yes, even in the crowded sidewalks of NYC! Even in the subway, there is much politeness.

It felt like a combination of the two. They were purposefully pretending not to see me, if that makes sense. If I were a tree or a garbage can, for example, I don't think they would have walked so close. Or split to go around me, when there was plenty of space for them to walk together to either side. I could go on, explaining that they didn't appear upset or deep in conversation or anything else that would prevent them seeing me until they were 12 inches away and I was staring into their chests, but isn't this what society always expect when a woman shares an experience? That she must disprove every other conceivable scenario before we accept that maybe she could possibly be right? It's similar to what happens when a woman reports a sexual assault - people ask what she was wearing, and what time it was, and whether she was alone, blah, blah, blah. (and no I'm not saying that nearly walking into someone is rape, which I really shouldn't have to explain but I probably do)

She didn't say that "most" people were doing it, and your assumption that she did makes your reaction over the top. She commented on something she has seen, and I believe her, because frankly it would be incredibly naive to think that no one is ever going to encounter people out in public with malicious behavior. I know you are not that naive, and I hope you wouldn't encourage anyone to believe that everyone they meet out means no harm because the real world isn't like that.

I was just thinking, if I had a young daughter going out in public somewhere on her own, I'd want to encourage her to watch her surroundings and notice if people seem aggressive or confrontational - because there ARE going to be people out in public who act that way. Whether you encounter them on a given day or not, they are out there, they exist, and sometimes ill-mannered behavior is a sign that it's best to avoid that person.

I would encourage anyone to trust their own perceptions and their gut feelings, because that's what tells us that something isn't right and it usually works pretty well for most people if they haven't been taught to second-guess themselves and question it too much.

However, I try not to go around on forums talking to grown people as if they are children, tempting as it can be sometimes.

Playing chicken...yep that's a great way of putting it. I've seen drivers do this on the road too.

I've also seen drivers straddle two lanes with their vehicle just to keep anyone from passing. If that's not a case of blatantly malicious space taking, I don't know what is. It's similar when people take up the middle of an aisle or sidewalk with no space to get around them, it's like seeing a driver drift over the center line and I wonder if they are being intentionally rude or worse, are they oblivious to it.