How do you decide if someone is right for you?

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21 Sep 2024, 9:32 am

For bee/Issy/Twilight

Let’s take a fictional scenario:

Let’s say you developed some liking toward a man who happens that you are his only « option » (aka, NO other woman showed any interest in him for years or since ever for some reason) - therefore he will give it a try and see where it goes.
What would you do? Telling him to attract more women before asking you out?

The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Sep 2024, 9:34 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:

bee33 wrote:

Sigh. This is just not true, and it's been explained before in this thread by several women. There are plenty of lonely and unwanted women. You are only thinking of the women that you consider "dateable." Which is incredibly sexist. The women you don't find attractive just don't exist in your calculus.

The math alone demonstrates that this is not true. If there are an equal number of men and women looking for dates it's not possible that there are more options available to women.

I think it would be next to impossible to know someone is right for you in any capacity prior to meeting them at a party, in school, at work, etc., and the internet swiping thing didn't seem applicable.

Even in the « internet swiping » process people meet in person, date, go to parties, places, outings for many times before entering a relationship - it’s not like the thing remains on the virtual world forever.

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21 Sep 2024, 9:41 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I think you’re missing the point. I’m fine with being someone’s only option if they’re interested in me for reasons other than being their only option and appearing nice. I’ve already gone into the stuff I care about in this thread. I don’t care if other women are attracted to the person or not. I tend to like quirky people.

He has to genuinely like me for real reasons. I don’t just develop likings for people out of the blue. If he doesn’t truly like me as a person at that point, then no, I wouldn’t date him.

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21 Sep 2024, 9:48 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Then you should only date friends you’ve known for years; and they’ve know you well for long time; because usually the whole point of the dating phase is to know the other person beyond looks and first impressions of personality.

bee33
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21 Sep 2024, 9:49 am

bee33 wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

That’s a very wild assumption.

It's not assumption. That is always the thinking behind this idea that women have a retinue of admirers to choose from and men have to struggle to be considered by a potential partner. It's because men only have a certain type of women in mind when they are making this sweeping generalization. Many women have no prospects, just like many men struggle for prospects. You edited out the part of my post that makes your assumption untenable: how can women have more prospects if there are an equal number of men and women looking for partners?

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

The fact that men are liking 50% of women on tinder doesn’t much support your claim of men being too picky and only consider a small fraction of women as « deteable ».
In fact, what men find attractive is very very diverse; for instance there’s porn of all body types, fit, slim, big, obese, all ethnicities… everything; the makers surely studied the market.

I never said that men are too picky. There are reasons why women are not as casual about swiping on tinder profiles and it has to do with safety and other factors. It's not because women have all these options and men don't. Your facts don't support your thesis.

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21 Sep 2024, 9:51 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Yes, I will only date people I’ve been friends with for a while. It doesn’t need to take years, though. Weeks or months would probably be cool. For me, it depends on the friendship and overall situation.

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21 Sep 2024, 9:59 am

Quote:

how can women have more prospects if there are an equal number of men and women looking for partners?

If single men in average consider far more women as prospects than what women in average consider as prospects.

If I had 3 admirers; while my girlfriend had 10 admirers - which one of us would have had more prospects before? I don’t get it why you find this hard to understand.

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21 Sep 2024, 10:00 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Unfortunately that did happen to me with my ex-h. He was my first boyfriend and I was the first girl who gave him the time of day (at the time he was undiagnosed NPD, and emotionally abusive).

I went out with him because I thought I liked him. His dating history meant nothing to me. I didn't care who he'd dated or not dated because it wasn't relevant to me.

Mind you, I knew him in a small friendship group before dating him so it's not like I went out with someone I didn't know at all.

It ended in disaster but that's another story and had nothing to do with his dating history.

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21 Sep 2024, 10:03 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

how can women have more prospects if there are an equal number of men and women looking for partners?

I don’t get why you are making broad assumptions/generalizations based on the disparity that occurs on dating apps. Not everyone uses them. Many women don’t have lots of admirers or any admirers.

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21 Sep 2024, 10:04 am

Bee, also people can consider more than one prospect at a time, even like multiple - it sounds to me you are thinking in exclusive manner in very early stage even before the first meeting up stage.

bee33
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21 Sep 2024, 10:06 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

how can women have more prospects if there are an equal number of men and women looking for partners?

You're not doing the math. If everyone wanted to be paired up (which granted some people don't) then there is one person for each person. You're still thinking of people who are more desirable and therefore they as individuals have more prospects.

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21 Sep 2024, 10:06 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

That's good. ^

It seemed like other posters were judging if someone was right for them based on being swiped.

I guess if the question were "are they right for you to try getting to know?" then sure, if you have no other options go for it.

That's when TP's comment kicks in though. If they meet this one-and-only woman /last-chance woman from online I hope they wouldn't decide in five minutes that they'll hook up with her, date her, or even spend the rest of their lives with her despite having nothing in common, or not liking her as a person.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Sep 2024, 10:08 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

how can women have more prospects if there are an equal number of men and women looking for partners?

I don’t get why you are making broad assumptions/generalizations based on the disparity that occurs on dating apps. Not everyone uses them. Many women don’t have lots of admirers or any admirers.

Legend says that you turn your admirers and adversaries into stone alike. :tongue:

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21 Sep 2024, 10:12 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Legend says that you turn your admirers and adversaries into stone alike. :tongue:

It depends on my mood. :lol:

Sometimes there’s an awfully thin line (or no line!) between admirer and adversary.

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21 Sep 2024, 10:13 am

bee33 wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

how can women have more prospects if there are an equal number of men and women looking for partners?

- People date some of their admirers first.
- Then they pair up.
A have dated 10 people before settling for B.
B have dated only 1 person before settling for A.
A and B are now a couple, but that doesn’t mean they had equal prospects before they become an item.

blitzkrieg
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21 Sep 2024, 10:19 am

I feel as though people know my opinion on this subject before I even post.

So I shall settle with simply being visible in this thread.

Also, I like that The_Face_of_Boo is brave enough to speak his mind.

Last edited by blitzkrieg on 21 Sep 2024, 10:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

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