Today is almost a week of not being disrupted by a sudden sneeze nor managing nasal slobber.
A LOT of things had changed for me now.
Everyday things that mattered so much.
The things I've been wishing for so, so long...
Like the counter went to 0.
But this time, I do not mind, unlike what happens every other week.
I do not mind rebuilding again.
As long as I never go through another 24 hr long of struggling to breathe through the nose, sneezing for no apparent reason, and all that came with whatever people mislabeled as an allergy, -itis of whatever upper respiratory anatomy, all that fricking disgusting mucus, needing to carry a towel or two anywhere and everywhere...
I'm keeping this medication.
Along with the BCP.
Soon I will get over the stupid self image impose over the stupid chronic symptom of having a disgusting slobbering.
Soon I will get over the uncertainty that I'll get disrupted on a daily basis.
Soon I'll get over the screwed sense of time that made me rush.
Soon the last 25+ years existing that way is history.
Finally, finally over.
I don't care if I didn't get diagnosed.
I don't care if the long term effects are risky.
I already got my wish.
My longest wish came true.
And I was right all along; of how it overwhelms me ever more, of how much it is a source of stress for me, no matter how much I did and didn't do.
It might even be the very one that's been forcing me to be hyperaware of my own body.
But I don't care.
It doesn't encumber me anymore.
Because it's gone, just the way I like it.