School Cafeteria

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My son is in the 3rd grade, he has ASD. This year is definitely by far the worst. His peers are starting to really notice and verbalize him being different and isolate him. A few months ago I went to eat lunch with him, (this time he wasn't aware I was coming) and there he was, sitting all by himself, his classmates were at the other end of the table. He looked so sad, I could've cried my eyes out. I talked to the teacher after lunch and she told the class that they ALL had to sit together, period.

I go often and sit with him while he eats. It is so loud and unorganized in there, it is so hard on him. I was there yesterday and he said, "Momma, I hate it in here, it's just too loud and so much going on." I asked him if he could eat anywhere in the school, where would he choose...he said "the classroom."

I think your idea is a great one. A lot of times, teachers don't want to have to go out of their way for anyone, it's sad. My son and I have been VERY fortunate in the fact that he has had the best teachers since Kindergarten. However, the special ed teacher at my son's school doesn't do ANYTHING for my child, in fact she wanted to get rid of his IEP.? She has NO IDEA about Autism, at all. I go on every field trip and I will see him starting to meltdown when he is overstimulated and then I know it's time to go. The ride home is always the same. I just have to often wonder. What if I wasn't able to go, would SHE even notice my son melting down? Would she even help him?

Recess is another hard time for my child also. NO ONE will play with him. I have went there during recess as well, and there my son is, wondering around, by himself. He attempts to approach his peers but is shunned immediately. He said he would rather read then go outside, but it's not an option. There needs to be more options for our children on the spectrum. I've heard people say, "well, the world isn't gonna bow down and change for them, they need to adjust and accept the way things are." I disagree...There are so many of us, and I think it's time to really try and make the world an easier place for kids/adults on the spectrum.

I grew up in a really backward Iowa hick factory town where everything was organized according to a pecking order. That is the way hick towns are and that is the way factory towns are. I've done a lot of thinking about that environment. During my career, I've traveled and lived many places. I've formed the clear opinion that autistic children, or otherwise vulnerable children, should not be in that sort of environment. It's not a matter of trying to find a way to make that environment work - that's not possible. From kindergarten through sixth grade I was regularly beaten. I hated recess. All of my teachers and the principal would say the same thing: "it takes two to fight." If a bully beat me and I simply took the beating, that was not a fight. However, if I became so concerned about my safety that I struck back, that was a fight and I had done something wrong. By defending my safety, I had done something that resulted in a fight. That's a crazy rationale and absolutely inexcusable. However, in a backward culture those things happen. If not tested child does not fit into a school or community, then, if at all possible, get the kid out. I found that there are many areas that are much better than my hometown. An autistic child is much better in a modern community where people take pride in progress and advancement. That's just something to think about. Picking up and moving away can be really tough. I wonder if we should do a poll to find out what areas of the country are friendly toward autistics, or at least better. I'm going to do that. Look for that question in this forum.

This was the same for me in high school. I was (and still am to this day) really good friends with my art teacher and I ate lunch in his room almost every day in high school. The art room was quiet and peaceful. He also had the same lunch schedule as me so it was mainly me, him, and maybe another student or two sitting in the art room listening to Dire Straits on the stereo and chatting about basketball.

I have Asperger's Syndrome. I didn't eat in the cafeteria in high school, and I regret it VERY MUCH. Think of all the friends that I could've made but didn't. Think of what else I missed socially. Think of all the friends that I could've potentially still had to this day. My tutors and other school officials encouraged me to eat in the cafeteria, but they never pushed it. I wish they did. I wish that eating in the cafeteria would've gained me privileges and that not eating in the cafeteria would've caused me to lose privileges. Then I would've eaten in the cafeteria.
Students with autism and Asperger's Syndrome should be allowed to eat somewhere other than the cafeteria if they have a note from a psychologist, a psychiatrist or a medical doctor saying that they should eat somewhere else, but only if they have such a note. Otherwise, ABSOLUTELY NOT!! ! They should also be allowed to bring headphones, earplugs, etc. if they have a psychologist's, psychiatrist's or doctor's note saying that they need those things, but only if they have such a note. Otherwise those things should be no-nos.
I know that many of you will disagree with what I just said, but I feel that eating in the cafeteria would've helped me. Not eating in the cafeteria, and also being given the choice not to, were both detrimental to me.
I must also admit my personal bias up front. The only problem with the cafeteria for me was getting teased. In other words, I didn't (and don't) have the sensory issues that so many others with my disability have. In fact, bringing headphones, etc. would've only made things worse. Those things would've made me feel too excluded. I thrive on cafeterias and other shared-meal environments where NO devices of any kind are allowed. I'm distraught when I go to such places and cell phones and other devices are allowed. I'm FAR more at ease if such devices are BANNED.
And there you have it. I know that my views are different from the rest of you, but I just admitted my views and my bias. Take those things for what they are. And I'm sorry if I came across like J. Arthur Crank from THE ELECTRIC COMPANY.

I ended up spending my school dinner money on junk food. My mother didn't know I was doing that. I didn't have much trouble with the school dining room as such, and don't remember any sensory issues, but there'd be a teacher watching over us who came down on me for "not eating a substantial meal" (I'd been talking and fooling about instead of eating, and after a certain set time they'd clear away all the food to make way for the next sitting), and a prefect kept trying to teach me the proper way to hold a knife and fork. Plus most of the meals weren't nice, and if you got caught doing anything they didn't like, they'd make you take the bell round the school ringing it to summon the next sitting. So instead I started going to a local cafe that some of my preferred peers went to. There was a juke box and a pinball machine there, they sold tea and chip butties, and there were no teachers or prefects there.

But I know collective school things can be hell for some kids, rather than just somewhat unpleasant like they were for me. I see it as a human right to withdraw from such events. I have no advice to offer about how to make it happen, apart from looking into the school rules and the local law. In my case I just quietly broke the rules.

As a 6 year old, we lived close enough to school to be able to go home for lunch.

One week, my mother went to work as a supply teacher at another school. This meant we had to stay for school dinners. I bunked off all week. My father found me roaming around town on my own.

I told them - and myself - that it was because I didn't like school food.

53 years later (and 6 months after my diagnosis), I finally get it. Thank you all for this thread.

I ate as far away from the cafeteria as I could when I was in high school.