Where does out and out lying play into Asperger's?

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Well, in this school system, homework is considered an important part of one's grade. In some ways, it is productive, for example in math, my son has to show a paper with HOW he arrived at an answer. If they had this in my day (I can assure you they did not) my lack of mathematic skills would have perhaps been noticed and remedied.

Mind you, when tedium sets in because of repetition of problems, I can understand that. We have explained that the repetion reinforces what you have learned.

My son has a 504 with specific things that he needs to have help with. His doctor feels that he is quite capable of doing the homework, so it is incumbent upon him to find the internal fortitude to enable himself to complete this. If he doesn't fight homework, it CAN be done, and more easily than one would think.

Back in the old days, we didn't have computers, so we had to do endless re-writes, library time, etc., when a major paper was due in High School. College was easy because I liked to do essays, but my mathematical lack always held me back. We also had to use proper grammar and spelling was considered part and parcel of the whole grade.

We didn't often get outlines or rubrics and basically were on our own to fail or fly. You had tests, you passed or flunked and then you got your report card.....so, in some ways things are better so long as they aren't made to be overwhelmingly time consuming, especially for Aspies, who have MORE important things to interest them!! !

Peace,

Ilene

Well, in this school system, homework is considered an important part of one's grade. In some ways, it is productive, for example in math, my son has to show a paper with HOW he arrived at an answer. If they had this in my day (I can assure you they did not) my lack of mathematic skills would have perhaps been noticed and remedied.

Mind you, when tedium sets in because of repetition of problems, I can understand that. We have explained that the repetion reinforces what you have learned.

My son has a 504 with specific things that he needs to have help with. His doctor feels that he is quite capable of doing the homework, so it is incumbent upon him to find the internal fortitude to enable himself to complete this. If he doesn't fight homework, it CAN be done, and more easily than one would think.

Back in the old days, we didn't have computers, so we had to do endless re-writes, library time, etc., when a major paper was due in High School. College was easy because I liked to do essays, but my mathematical lack always held me back. We also had to use proper grammar and spelling was considered part and parcel of the whole grade.

We didn't often get outlines or rubrics and basically were on our own to fail or fly. You had tests, you passed or flunked and then you got your report card.....so, in some ways things are better so long as they aren't made to be overwhelmingly time consuming, especially for Aspies, who have MORE important things to interest them!! !

Peace,

Ilene

Ghosthunter:

A 504 plan is a plan that the school uses to deal with a child that is not eligable for an IEP under IDEA but none the less, has a disability. It is really like the Americans with Disabilities Act. Section 504 is part of the law that tells schools to install things like wheelchair ramps and the like. It has less protection than IDEA but still offers a way to deal with children whose disabilities does not affect their education but is still present. BTW - Any child who is eligible for IDEA is also eligible for protection under section 504 but not the other way around.

Hope this helps.

Hi My son was just dx AS. One of the accomodations afforded him at school was not being made to do let`s say 50 math problems when he has already mastered the concept. I don`t know alot about AS but I know this type of thing frustrates him. My daughter is dyslexic and I have learned that she needs time after school to unwind and relax before starting her homework. We also take our time doing part of it then taking breaks. I have found this also works well for my son even though just being in first grade I am sure his homework does not compare to the amount your son is asked to complete.

Well, a 504 plan seems to suffice with the needs of my son. If and when the accomodations they are making are not sufficient, an IEP will be drawn up. So far, this has worked with him. The teachers communicate with us via e-mail regarding homework status. He is able to sit in front of the class, away from troublemakers, he is able to go to the library when there is a substitute teacher, he is allowed to go to guidance any time he feels it might be necessary, he is given a locker of his own.

His doctor, a board certified child psychiatrist (for what its worth), feels that he is fully capable of the work and just wants to get out of doing it; plain and simple, and uses drama and histrionics, if needed. Now that his dinner is incumbent on his finishing his homework....seems like he has no trouble doing the work.

P.S. His doctor refused to make that a part of his 504, when it came to homework, for this guy, anyway.

One day at a time...

Ilene

I really like the idea of being able to leave when there is a sub-teacher! I think I'll get that written into D's IEP.

BeeBee

Hmm....I think I am very similar to your son. When I was younger, I lied all the time, about all sorts of things. I realize now that it comes down to this-it was hard for me to see *why* I should tell the truth when if I lied I could avoid doing my homework, doing my chores, etc. and not get punished. It was(and still is) hard for me to connect words with reality, to understand that words really do mean something. I'm not sure how good an explanation that was, but if you want it clarified, I'd be happy to describe it in more detail.
As for the homework- my reason was that it was either boring or hard(also I was going through a lot of emotional abuse at this point, so I needed as much of my free time to get away from my life as possible). I saw no reason why I should spend my time practicing things I already knew, or things that just weren't fun when I could be spending my time reading, imagining, or writing stories(writing stuff for school was boring, so many rewrites in so short a time!) So, although I am very intelligent I barely passed each grade, with my parents adding stricter rules each time, which I always figured out how to avoid. One of the things they did was have the teachers sign a homework sheet. Honestly, all those things did was cause me to use my creativity to find ways to get out of my homework without them knowing until they got my report card(this went on through high school, BTW) What got me out of this was that Mom told me that if I got good grades for a year, she would take me out and homeschool me(heaven-I can go through things as fast as I am able, and I can fit whatever my current obsession is into my schoolwork(ie, obsession with bettas turned into a history/science unit) There is no unneeded social stress, and yes, I am lonely, but I was almost as lonely in school, and there I had social stress, emotional stress, and boredom. I reccomend homeschooling for aspies if it is at all a possibility, athough I realize many times it isn't

That is my(long) story...I'd be happy to help you in any way, if you wish

When I was a child/pre-teen I was very good at lying. I didn't lie constantly about everything, but when I did, I rarely got caught. However, this was a time in my life when I had no moral foundation and there was simply no guilt involved. I can't quite figure that out, because I am sure I must have been taught by my mother that lying was "wrong." In every other way I was the "good" daughter, the "perfect" one...straight A student, never in trouble...

Once I developed a sense of spiritual awareness and morality as a teenager, right and wrong became of utmost important to me. From that point on I could not lie. Then I was not only teased because of my general Aspie weirdness and social ineptness, but also because of my very high moral standards. One more thing to make me not fit in with the crowd. However, those "high moral standards" certainly helped me to avoid nearly all of the social/sexual/physical misery I watched my classmates go through during their teen years (1970s).

Well, Mr. I have no homework is busy this weekend. He is doing all the projects (math, Spanish, English) that he has been neglecting all spring. He told his doctor that he understands that he is only hurting himself; that he tends to exaggerate (overwhelms himself) the amount of work that is at hand. For instance, if something is an hours worth of work, my son says it is two hours worth of work.

So, cognitively it is good for him to learn not to exaggerate the amount of his tasks at hand, to get them done on a timely basis and not look for cop outs.

In turn, the doctor told us, not to give him answers and excuses, that he must figure things out for himself and not to parry with arguments that are just for arguments sake. In other words, turn it around and let him think of the answers for himself, (he can argue with himself if he'd like).......

One day at a time.....

Peace,
Ilene (Ian's Mom)

Are you in e-mail communication with the teachers?

I group e-mail my older son's teachers on Wednesday. They have until Friday to e-mail back what work is missing or behind progress. That way, he can never get more than 1 week behind.

If you son tends to overestimate the work, maybe the teachers could include an estimate of the time involved. That might cut down on the overwhelmed feelings.

BeeBee

I don't lie, but people often think I'm lying when I'm not.

Aspies seem to have a problem with time management and how long things take to do and the reality of what takes how long; how much time needs to be invested in something.

For example, a 20 minute assignment can be turned into a 3 hour tantrum because an individual thought it was a half day assignment, when it would be done in 20 minutes. There is something wrong inasmuch time spent and actual time is not accurately seen, causing problems of such.

I'd have to say that time management is a problem for plenty of people, and Aspies have it worse.

Motherofhim,

(my god why do you call yourself that????) Do me a big favor and stop dwelling on all your sons "dysfunctional" behavior. It does neither him or you no good. Lying has nothing to with AS, thats just a personality flaw I do it too, and do it well If you keep coming down on your son for all his 'adnormal' behavior what kind of message do you think that sends him whether he realizes it or not?


I see this alot in parents of those with AS. They only see the negatives. Their child's quirkiness is a threat to their ego, A 'normal' parent would love their child for all the wonderful things they have to offer the world, and not post on a message baord about their unusual behavior. Sure they would get help for the child, but they would try to encourage them, not scold them each time they did something that was dysfunctional.


Aspies have alot to offer the world, their intense focus makes them capable of making great contributions to society(look at einstein), their honest (well in your son;s case to a point), they are loyal, and for the most part kind hearted,and don;t intentionally mean to upset you.


Stop confining your son to some diagnostic label, its making me sicker by the minute. See your son as a person not a label. Sounds like you need some help yourself.

What gives you the idea that the way you have spoken to this mother is appropriate. That post is top of the class bullsh*t jman and I cannot see anything in motherofhim's posts that warrent the way you have used her as a vent to whatever anger you are harbouring at the moment!

You guys need to learn to keep your rants to those that come seeking it, not to those that come with genuine inquiries as a way of gaining understanding.