Autistic females who did not get diagnosed in childhood

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Shy and lacking confidence. But, there were also many times that I was testy.

I was very shy--i agree with the person who posted that all her autistic symptoms were attributed to shyness. A lot of my social symptoms were. My mom wrote in my baby book that i was very shy with strangers but talked a lot with people i knew. I often was told, "you're so quiet. What are you thinking?" In my own little world a lot of the time. I had a very active fantasy life--i would make up all kinds of stories and played like that more than playing with other kids. As i got older, i read all the time.

When i took my childhood toys out of the attic to give to my daughter, it was almost eerie. They were immaculately kept in a very ritualistic order--i remember putting them in place the same way, every time i put them away. My bedroom was the same way, everything exactly in the same place and put away with the same ritual every time.

School was different--i was terribly disorganized and my desk was horrendous. School always felt so chaotic and with so much sensory input i was always overwhelmed. I got picked on a lot in my elementary school years, especially by the older boys. I was a petite little girl and i would run away from them, terrified. They naturally thought this was hilarious. Me, not so much.

I remember one time being cornered by a group of girls who were tormenting me. In anger and frustration, with my back against the wall (literally), i reached out and scratched the ringleader deep enough to draw blood. Guess who got in trouble for this. Not her. I remember sitting at my desk crying afterward, waiting for the teacher to light into me. Somebody said, "I know why you're crying, because you hurt G____." I was not crying in sympathy or repentance--i was so angry i couldn't think straight. No one ever got punished for picking on me that time.

Alot of my school reports had the standard "not working up to her potential." I was smart, but due to what i now realize were executive function issues, i could not organize my thoughts and schoolwork well enough to get straight A's, which my mother always said i was capable of due to high I.Q. scores. I was also known as a know-it-all because i had no idea that people didn't want me to tell them when i knew the answer and they didn't. I figured if they didn't want me to tell them the answer, they wouldn't have advertised the fact that they didn't know.

People always called me shy at least in school. For some reason that bugged me to no end. I think it's because when I hear the word "shy" it makes me think that they think I will become super talkative once I get to know them. I just don't like to get a lot of attention and sometimes I just don't have anything to say.

I rarely spoke but I was diagnosed with ADHD because I could never focus on school and I was never still (I know now that I was stimming). I was an IEP student because of this.

I picked "other" because I was all sorts of things, depending on the situation and my mood.

I was terrified of strangers, so I was shy with people I didn't know.
Even when I was 17 and started dating my now-husband, I was so shy and wouldn't talk or even look at the waitress and would make him order my food for me. He *hated* this because it made him look chauvinistic, but I absolutely *would not* talk to the waitress.
But at school, I could be obnoxious talking endlessly about things other kids didn't care about.
I even remember in elementary school trying to convince the other kids I had a volcano in my back yard.
I also tried to start a science club, but none of the kids wanted to come.
Hmmmm....wonder why they didn't want to come to my house and listen to me talk and pay 25 cents for dues...
I was aloof because I had *no clue* about things other kids cared about, like popular music and movie stars.
In elementary school, I was ostracized by the girls because I played with the boys at recess.
I was teased mercilessly in junior high by a boy, and to this day I do not know why.
In high school, people complained I didn't understand jokes.
I was extremely outspoken about my opinions.
I corrected people in public all the time, even teachers.

It's somewhat funny now, but it wasn't funny then. I look back and *CRINGE* at who I was.

I do not know how I did things like hold down a job. I worked the register at McDonalds for a few years in high school and college. I suppose in a lot of ways, a fast food job was perfect for me because the interactions with customers were as standardized and predictable as the menu. I tried another job for a while as a bus girl at an upscale Italian restaurant. THAT did not go so well... I was too afraid of the customers to refill their water.

Other things put me at a disadvantage, which are not related to ASD. I was teased because I was smart. I was teased because I was so tall.

So, in a nutshell....shy and aloof, yet obnoxious.

Anyone want to be my friend? Thought not.

I think "Shy or like you lacked confidence" and "Quiet and indifferent" both fit me.

Reserved to the point of being called snobby but not quiet or shy. Definitely oblivious or clueless. I get "know it all" too, but know what I do that causes that. Blunt, honest. Responsible. Smart, I learn fast.

A good friend since 12 years old (24 years) will say "she's harmless" (dont know what that means) or "heart of gold really, she just doesn't always understand" I heard her say that to her husband when they first met.

People often think I don't like when I actually don't think anything, I have no reason to have any opinion on them one way or the other. I say hello & goodbye, when I found out a few people had asked other's why I didn't like them I also started asking 'how's things', if that's not enough then I give up.

I picked "Shy and like you lacked confidence" since I think that's the perception that I got most regularly. I'm a naturally reserved and introverted person and it's been painfully obvious ever since I was born. My dad tells me that I only ever cried when I needed something and was content to be by myself, even as a baby and toddler.

Teachers struggled to get me to participate in group work, speak up in class and play with other kids. Some students thought that I was rude and snobby, a few understood that I was just quiet and didn't mean any ill will. I was a very obedient kid and generally did what I was told but when ordered to interact with others, participate in group work or do any public speaking, I only ever did the bare minimum, in the hope that it would get the adults off my back. Most teachers learned to accept that over time though there was one in particular who just would not let it go and was hellbent on getting me to become more sociable and confident with public speaking and group work. The more that someone hassles me about something, the less amenable I am to their suggestions so that didn't work very well. I adapted my behaviour enough to get her off my back and then went right back to my normal behaviour when I got another teacher the next year.

I think "quiet and indifferent" is another suitable description of my behaviour as a child. I did go through one phase which couldn't be called anything other than "loud and obnoxious." English has always been my best subject and for a good while, I would constantly correct other peoples spelling, grammar and pronunciation (kids and adults alike) as a child.

My egg donor (doesn't deserve to be called a mother) used physical and emotional abuse to discipline me as a child and I was terrified of her for a good many years. I learned quickly not to express my emotions in any way or to throw tantrums both at home and in public since that badly aggravated her. For the most part, I was a very well behaved kid because of her which limited how loud and obnoxious that I could be. I was a bit more open with my dad who has always been far less strict than her.

Before I realised that being different was "bad" and one suffered for standing out I was loud and obnoxious. Things were done my way, period. In pre-school I would arrive and quickly sort everyone out, organising who would play where then take myself off to wherever I would be. It wasn’t until I started getting picked on for being weird that I withdrew after a short period of desperately trying to fit in but couldn’t.

It’s an interesting poll because I think I travel through all of those states and back again as I deal with how others react to me.

I picked "other." I was very forward and confident as a young child. That tailed off when I got older and experienced terrible bullying that I did not know how to cope with. So, at school I was typically very quiet... or sometimes I played the clown, though that was quite rare and only with certain people. At home, according to my mum I was irritable and unpleasant, grumpy and difficult.

I was both loud and obnoxious and shy/lacked confidence. I also suffered selective mutism.

I was a complete crybaby until about fifth or sixth grade. At home, at school, everywhere. I got in trouble for it a LOT at home and at school and ridiculed mercilessly. This scenario happened more than once: I would go to a friend's house for a birthday party, and something would inevitably happen that would make me cry. (Some examples: not knowing an answer to a trivia question at my friend's Beatles-themed party, hearing a balloon pop, dropping my food, etc.) As soon as I got home, my mom would ask me two questions: "1. How was the party? 2. Did you cry?" and if I said "no" then she asked me "what would happen if I called ____'s mom and asked her if you cried at all?" So I usually was honest and said yes. Then I'd get in trouble because I'd cried. At least once I had to call and apologize to my friend AND the mom!