How to look better?

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I think I'm getting it now. This is just advice and you can take it or leave it. Find what your co-workers are interested in and talk about that stuff. I know that Aspies are into video games, but none of my co-workers are. Women usually want to discuss their latest boyfriend, what they did on the weekend, their husbands and kids, vacations, hair, makeup and of course anything medical or nursing. I found out not to bring up politics. We talk about our pets alot - especially me with Waldo. They like showing pictures and videos on their phones of their kids, vacations, pets, friends. They talk about Facebook a lot. That kind of stuff. Some play games on their phones, but they rarely talk about what they are playing. Oh, I talk a lot about what I'm doing in school because a lot of nurses are going back now and also about work issues going on.

Participating in small talk helps. I've found you don't even have to talk, so much as encourage them to do so and continue to make sounds of attention, agreement, and appreciation. People who don't have to know me intimately think I'm the berries for that reason. Is it fake?? Hell, yes-- a lot of its fake for them too. They're doing it to interact, not to actually share thoughts and ideas.

Workplace politics-- ugh. Can't advise you there. In interpersonal politics, I tend to make sounds of polite indifference, implying that everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

"Fixing yourself up" helps too. I'm almost always clean, to the point of being freshly showered, brushed, neatly dressed in clean clothes, shaved on any exposed parts expected to be hairless (I wear a lot of jeans and ankle-length skirts) and wearing deodorant when I leave the house.

I've caught huge amounts of crap (including having a nurse assume I was a drug addict when I showed up in the ER with a probable bowel obstruction and a panic attack) for going out in sweatpants.

I have found that a dab of eyeliner and mascara and a touch of blush, along with newish, well-fitted clothes (I'm a strict thrift-shop dresser in my 'real' life, for both ethical and budgetary reasons) and a couple pieces of jewelry (a necklace, say, to go along with the wedding ring I wear constantly and the Celtic knot ring that's been stuck on my right ring finger for three years now) make a world of difference in how I'm treated by people like medical professionals, teachers and school officials, and the general yuppie prats I encounter in the course of any shopping that can't be accomplished at SaveALot, Dollar General, Tractor Supply, or a rural WalMart. As opposed to less-than well-fitted worn-in jeans, an old t-shirt, and my ratty slides/muddy snow boots/husband'ratty old sneakers, no makeup, and no jewelry other than what I can't or won't voluntarily remove.

Perfume helps too, but I beg you to forgo that one as you are in a medical setting. Old people and sick people are as likely as (or more likely than) autistic people to be highly sensitive to smells. I put a little rose oil in my drawers to get out of wearing perfume. When I visit my grandmother, I make sure to wear clothes that have been washed and NOT pit back in my dresser because ANY scent makes her sick.

I will tell you right now LOL:

I'm not one of those guys who like women with the fake nails, etc. I find that these sorts of women look like "circus clowns," to quote my wife.

I feel the best way to make up yourself is to do it subtly. A little eye shadow. A little lipstick....and that's it.

But always make sure your hair is shiny-clean, and that you are clean all over.

One told me that she liked my hair a different way from how I wear it most of the time. You know what I did? I said "that's too bad" and I kept wearing it the way she said wasn't her favorite!

I find different strange ways to wear my hair and I actually get more compliments. Whatever. I have this "snood" that I got from Victorian Trading Co. It's something they wore back in the Victorian Era. I got more compliments from that than anything so far - patients and co - workers. I saw one co - worker one day even wearing one! I didn't know what to say about that. Another one is an updo that I do with a special clip and a patient thought I looked like Flo from that insurance commercial! They thought it was a hoot. Whatever makes the patients laugh.

I wear my eyeliner really different too. I use liquid eyeliner. Nurses that I worked with at my present and past job wanted to know how I did it. It's kinda like a cat eye. Then they started doing it!
I can't figure people out.

Could someone explain the gossip thing to me? I assume if someone is talking badly about a person that they dislike the person but I see this isn't true---at least with women. Why do women (or men) talk badly about others behind their backs but smile and pretend that they are buddies face to face? This makes me uncomfortable. This is more social code I don't participate in or understand. I thing gossip is a part of the bonding process for women.

All of this stuff is so boring to me.

You're married!

Even less of a reason to care what people think of you!

Just dress decently, wear subtle make up, make sure your hair is clean, and you'll be fine.

You can't go wrong with a long, flowered skirt and a nice lady's suit jacket.

Thank you for all of the responses everyone. Navigating the social world is like reading a book in a language that I don't understand. So many many many rules. Wow. There are so many nuances that neurotypicals automatically pick up on and take for granted. There's a lot. Going to work involves much more than doing your job...

I've formed quite the opposite opinion of gossip: I find that gossip is almost always inaccurate, exaggerated and usually a mean spirited distortion of any sliver of truth, rather than a reliable way to find out anything about anyone. I can't emphasize enough how strongly this has been my experience. The last person in the world I would trust to educate me on REAL information about another person/third party would be a gossip.

In my experience, the substance of gossip regarding things said about someone is of what we used to call the "Chinese whispers" variety. The first person might say to the second person "Bird in Flight is into birds, like wildlife type birds, and has some toy ones too." The second person will tell the third person "Bird in Flight collects birds, I think toy ones but I'm not sure." The third person will tell the fourth person: "That Bird in Flight has lots of pet birds." The fourth person will tell the fifth person "Bird in Flight is one of those pet hoarders and I hear that the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals is about to raid her home and remove 50 sick parrots!"

Gossip about other people is nearly always a distortion.