I envy men

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Some natural animal species mate for life.

Long term exclusive monogamous relationships. The way I see it they last because of socio-cultural norms that morally forbid someone to find a new sexual partner even after numerous years and even though both partners actually want to have sex outside the relationship, which would be the more natural thing to do.

My question to you is, why do you care so much? I am sure your partner loves you just for who you are. what does it mater what others think?

I guess there is quite a diversity among humans when it comes to these things.
Human children need very long support for any animal, so stable social situation is an advantage.
When it comes to monogamy... I've never felt any urge for anything outside. I can imagine others may be different. Probably the point is to find someone with tendencies compatibile with yours.

Last edited by magz on 14 Nov 2019, 12:17 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Humanity is not a monolithic species; you should know this by now.

Evolutionarily, humans have moved away from being a tournament species and towards being a pair-bonding species, though a not-yet complete transition probably accounts for us being a bit of a mess in that department (as in so many others).

Now that women are not financially dependend on men, and single mothers are receiving more help, also their own parents live longer and can help with the children, I don't think evolutionary we would have a reason to move closer to long term monogamy than we have. Not that monogamy is unnatural, but I think for the long term (10 years for example) I personally in my opinion find monogamy unnatural.

In evolutionary time, those are things that developed fractions of a second ago.

Also:

"I'm not saying it is, but I'm saying that in my opinion, it is"?

Monogamy is not necessarily long term monogamy.
Why should it not happen that a relationship is monogamous for say half a year? It is long term monogamy that I can't wrap my head around. That is what I have written.

Do the men you date know that you will eventually dump them?

I don't wait to dump someone. And maybe I am the getting dumped? From my observations a relationship usually doesn't last a lifetime so I would never commit to a marriage because even if I don't see it at the moment, rationally I know that in 15 years time for example either I or the other person might not have the same feelings anymore. It is not worth the risk. Usually relationships fall apart after a while. Most do. Rarely a person has only one partner in their life for their whole life. I would never promise anyone that I want to be with them in 20 or 50 years (or even in 5 years) , even If I wanted it now, I dont know what I want in 5 or 20 years, and they dont know what they want in 5 or 20 years so I wouldn't believe them if they said such a thing. From what I see, people who have been together many years usually seperate so why should I be an exception. I would also not be surprised if someone cheated on me because it happens so much, why would I be spared from it. I wouldn't tolerate it but I am expecting it to happen one day so I wont be surprised. I would never marry anybody because I think humans are not designed for long term monogamy. I have told my boyfriends I dont want to marry them and I want neither children nor marriage, and I never said I want to be with them in 50 years. That doesn't mean I just waited to dump someone. I just don't expect it to last 20 years because that is not what I observe in human behaviour or in my own relationships so why should I and someone I date be an exception? Even if the intentions are there now, that are just feelings that lots of other people have had and those feelings have changed for them in the long run. From my observations humans are not inherently long term monogamous.

My grandparents married when she turned 18. Death did them part after 57 years.

I dont envy men, but I dont tend to experience envy anyway. I'm grateful for that, for the times I have felt it, I've found it to be a hard emotion to deal with.
When I was younger though, it seemed to me that many problems would be solved or non existent if had been born a man.

I don't know where exactly you live but my observations are different. Both my parents and my husband's parents have been together for over 40 years, no signs it would ever change. In their generation even those who didn't marry for life, typically have a history of, like, two 20-year relationships. The extended family of my generation and my friends are either single or in the same relationship for the last 5, 10, 15 years.

Probably culture. Marriage is much more than having sex together, it's having life together. Close interpersonal bond you can count on.
My culture doesn't trust institutions (our history gives good reasons for it) so bonds with actual persons, especially widely understood family, are seen as the primary social support net, capable of surviving unstable state politics.

You say it yourself, it depends on the culture. In poor countries family ties are extremely important, and even with arranged marriages the partners often stay together for life even when it wasn't love that united them or when they can't really stand each other. But that doesn't mean long term monogamy is something that is fixed in our DNA, or that humans are by nature monogamous with only one person for a lifetime. It is a behaviour that depends on factors such as society, laws, upbringing, peer pressure, emotional or financial dependence,... It is a choice (unless forced) not a natural instinct.

It's not his opinion I'm worrying about, it's the culture I live in.

He doesn't mind what the wedding will be. I have discussed it with him but he says he is not fussed how we get married. So usually us women like to talk about these things with our mothers. But she has always envied men, and whenever I question why appearance isn't so pressurising for men, she always responds with "because men are lucky". Maybe I could point out to her some of the things listed in this thread that say the challenging pressures men face. But knowing that men don't have to put up with periods, pregnancy, childbirth and menopause along with being under cultural obligation to look beautiful, does make men seem lucky to us.

It's all about culture and peer pressure.