AS-Wife wants to move out. NT Husband+2 Kids

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Do you see a therapist or counselor?

As I explained above, currently she's not seeing any therapist. Back in 2019 we were seeing a therapist together. It did help so that she came back.

She booked another therapist just for herself last year. After 2-3 sessions she dropped out. She never explained why.

Truth to be told, where we live, therapists who have good experience with (perhaps autism related) negative effects of cronic anxiety and depression are hard to find.

I think that more than a terapist it would be beneficial for her to see a clinical psyhologist that could adress her cronic anxiety and depression. Depression is a b***h for person suffering from it as well as everyone involved.

So, I’m inclined to go along and swallow the “bitter pill” and let her rent her den. Yes, we’re going to take a financial hit, but one way or this seems inevitable. Luckily, we can afford it. I definitely don’t want to be the one that will be blamed to stopping her in pursuit of some “relief”. Perhaps she needs to discover herself that moving away (even though for a day or two) is not a magic bullet.

But at the same time I will also ask her to see a clinical psyhologist for the sake of all of us. I believe at this point Zoloft or similar may be the only remedy for my wife to come back to real world. I will suggest her to do that for us. If she’s open to my suggestion, great. If not, well, then we’ll have a problem. I will have a problem.

I did read other comments that I might be doing a mistake. I know this can backfire. I know I might end up being be at loss.

But I see in her eyes that she doesn’t want to hurt me (or us). I see in her eyes that she is suffering and is desperately looking for a solution. So I’m going to help her. She’s my wife and mother of my kids. She’s still a love of my life.

And yes, I do have a red line. As a matter of fact, I’m dangerously close to my red line.

So, it is what it is.

Time will tell how and if we’re going to survive this crisis.

You guys have been helpful. A lot. Thank you.

I guess you don't see a therapist. You really should be talking to a disinterested third party about this.

Vaya con Dios.

Is it possible that your wife could also be going through perimenopause or menopause? Just wondering as this can have serious affects on mental health and wellbeing, and physical health for some people. She could get help from a doctor. Obviously a sensitive one for you to raise with her and it may not go down too well, and she may already secretly be seeking help without your knowledge, so a tricky one to handle for you.

I will say that I wish you luck, but if she's not willing to do the work on her end and the situation is as intolerable as it sounds, that doesn't really leave much room for alternatives.

If you're the close to the line, then I think you know what you need to do. I've held myself in that sort of hellish purgatory for a bit over 3 years and if it were going to get better in either of our cases, there would be some evidence of effort being made to get to the bottom of things and find a reasonable course of action on it.

In some respects the kids do complicate things, but in some ways, they make it pretty clear as a disruptive influence on kids going through what they're going through is something that does need to be taken seriously even if it is still technically not abusive.

You do what you think is best, but if she isn't invested enough in the outcome of the marriage to be taking concrete steps, then it's unlikely that anything you do is really going to matter much in the long run.

Please suggest this. As a ND woman menopause kicked me in the ass. All I wanted to do is run. The physical sensations of a hot flash can be overwhelming. It starts in my stomach and grows to envelop my entire body in a prickly, wet, sticky film that can sometimes leave me nauseated. Afterward, I'm exhausted mentally and physically for at least half an hour. For that recovery time, I cannot be touched. For god's sake don't talk to me, and turn that light off. If I have any demands on me during that recovery time I get mean. I am experiencing something that takes all my concentration, and if someone demands something from me it is (at that moment) a threat, and I react like it. Luckly my husband is also an Aspie and totally understands when I ask for space. He leaves me to recover and turns the light out on his way to his room (yes separate rooms are totally necessary for both of us). When I can I go and give him a hug and we continue with our day. No harm, no foul. Open communication. He has his moments too, I understand.

Wishing your entire family the best.